| | #1 |
| Jr. Member Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 234
Grams: 2,463.55 Groans: 0
Groaned at 3 Times in 3 Posts
Thanks: 51
Thanked 13 Times in 12 Posts
| Eyes as colorful As the timeless blue skies Face is like a colorful rainbow After all the clouds go away And create that beautiful display Now sitting on the beach I look into your eyes We make a connection As you smile and glance Over at the ocean and See your gorgious reflection Standing on an island I kiss your smooth soft lips And let go as i stare At the purple horizon Laying side by side On the rooftop Counting the stars In the sky As we fall back into The depths of time ..........let me know what you think... |
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| | #2 |
| Member Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 288
Grams: 3,184.10 Groans: 13
Groaned at 1 Time in 1 Post
Thanks: 65
Thanked 104 Times in 53 Posts
| Try to avoid clichés. The use of the sunny beach environment with rainbows and cloud parting to describe the beauty of a woman and relationships is overdone. Try making it more personal, with actual details about this wonderful girl so that it has something unique that no one else could think of.
__________________ live live live |
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