SenorSmokesALot

Coming from someone who spent a lot of time in college essay writing courses and someone who has worked under reviewers of college essays: your essay is good in and of itself, but it isn't a very good college essay. The reason I say this is because it breaks a few of the college essay rules. First off, it's a bad idea to talk about controversial issues in a college essay. While it does show you're opinionated, it's a bit cliche because so many students do it. Abortion, gay rights, religion and other issues like these are commonplace in the college essay. Furthermore, if the reviewer of the essay feels your view is different from his or the college's that won't work to your benefit. While legalization is definately not cliche in a college essay, it makes you seem like someone who smokes (which you obviously are) which is still, sadly, illegal in the US. While you're making a very valid point, the college is going to take one look at that and dismiss you. No college wants someone who is into illicit activities. Never, never, never write about breaking the law in a college essay. Don't get me wrong, I agree with your points, but in a college essay you may just want to bite the bullet and conform to them. Write to the audience, not necessarily to yourself.

I feel bad that I'm entirely dismissing your essay. I was in your shoes once. It's so stressful. I suggest though, that you find one event that occured in your life and expand on it. I wrote my college essay on a night my mom got drunk. Your essay can be something as simple as waiting in line at McDonald's. Write it well, and you'll do fine. The reason personal essays work is because they show how you think from day to day not from point to point.

You're obviously a passionate writer; get behind a story (you can make one up) and tell it and I can assure you you'll get in the college you want. Make sure you're creative, descriptive and that whatever you write about shows the real you. Hope this helped. Cheers

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"Herb is the Healing of a Nation" ~Bob Marley

"I think people need to be educated to the fact that marijuana is not a drug. Marijuana is an herb and a flower. God put it here. If He put it here and He wants it to grow, what gives the government the right to say that God is wrong?" ~Willie Nelson