yoman3

Background: This is my rough rough rough rough draft, literally I wrote it and copy + pasted it. I'm just wondering if my topic(s) are a bit...off. I know colleges are looking for something personal, and well, this is personal for me. I'd like comments based on content more than grammatical errors, because like I said it just copy+pasted it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have no idea what to write my essay on. Seriously I don’t. I have no interesting events that happened in my life. I really couldn’t care less about my “accomplishments” at school. That isn’t to say that I don’t care about school, it’s just that there’s no one thing that stands out that much. I would love to talk about my political views, but I feel I’d come off as amateurish. Plus I think my topics that I would love to write about would be too controversial (abortion, gay marriage, and marijuana – all of which I would argue to legalize).

What the hell, why not talk about these things? I can always change my essay topic, but if you’re reading this than I suppose I chose not to. So about this abortion thing - it’s pretty controversial, right? (Rhetorical question). Abortion is the only topic which I’m totally pro-choice for yet I can understand why people wouldn’t want to have abortions. Like, I think anyone who is against gay marriage is a bigoted moron and anyone who is against pot legalization is completely ignorant on the entire debate, but I digress.
Abortion is a tricky topic because it is technically “killing” a potential life. I guess I’ll concentrate on this argument and this argument only, because I can go all day on why abortion should be allowed. I’m not even going to go into “It’s killing a human!!” Because I like to keep it simple. OK, back to the potential life part. This is pretty easy to refute: when does that life start? Pro-lifers like to argue that aborting a fetus is killing a potential life. Well, so is masturbating (for a guy) and ovulating. The sperm cells are killed by the freakin’ thousands when a guy masturbates, but I don’t see anyone (well, anyone that isn’t certifiably insane) campaigning against male masturbation. Likewise I don’t see people complaining about ovulation – a process that, while I’m not personally acquainted with, I know enough about to know that it too “kills” an egg. I don’t see anyone bombing vaginas for the murder of a living cell, a “potential life.”

Ok, ok, ok. I’m exaggerating here, a little. Obviously a fetus, or a ball of cells (for the most part) is a little closer to “living” than sperm and eggs are. Still, one has to ask him or herself when that potential life starts. I would argue (as I just have) that if one argues that a fetus is a potential life, than everything that comes before the fetus is also a potential life.

I would only advocate abortion in the most dire of situations, but what I would never do is tell anyone they couldn’t get abortion just because I may not agree with it. Ya dig?

Next up is gay marriage. I get pissed when people are against gay marriage, and I’m not even gay. I just care that much about equal rights (weird, right?). To me not allowing gay people to get married is the same – exactly the same – as not allowing any other minority to get married.

I’m not going to go into “is it a choice or not.” That doesn’t even matter as to whether or not gay people should be allowed to get married (for the record: not a choice.) Nor am I going to go into the religious reasoning as to why gay marriage is “wrong,” (They do come up with some of the most bigoted and intolerant arguments against gay marriage, but I also don’t take them seriously).

“So what are you going to talk about?” You may ask. Good question! Let’s go with the secular reasoning as to why gay marriage shouldn’t be legal. 1) It would destroy “American family values,” 2) “Marriage” is between a man and a woman only.

1) I’d like to ask what “family values” gay marriage would be destroying. Do they mean white, conservative, Christian family values? I’m truly confused with this argument. There are no conclusive studies that show that children with gay parents turn out any differently than children raised by straight parents. Please, this argument is just as bad as “gay marriage is morally wrong!!!”

2) “Marriage” is between a man and a woman. Says who. America? Really, is marriage really between a man and a woman, or are people only conditioned to believe that marriage is between a man and a woman? I mean, for the entirety of the 20th century gay people haven’t been treated with much respect, so it’s no wonder why people would be conditioned to believe this silly “rule.”

People treat marriage as some sacred word. Well people in America, that is. (It’s a little sad that we’re one of the few western nations that still hasn’t legalized gay marriage). It’s ridiculous that people honestly think they are right in thinking that gay marriage is wrong. That gays shouldn’t be allowed to have the same legal rights and benefits as married couples, or even that gays shouldn’t be allowed to get married, because marriage is just for straight people.

I personally believe that black people shouldn’t be allowed to get married either. I think they should be able to get all the benefits of marriage, mind you, they just can’t call themselves “husband and wife.” They can be called “civil partners.” I think that would work, right? It’s too awkward for me to imagine something as sacred as “marriage” be tainted by black people…just think about it! But come on, black people can have all the benefits of us non-colored folk, they just can’t call it our special word.

Sigh.

Last but not least is my personal favorite topic: marijuana legalization. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to discuss my entire view on why marijuana should be legalized in just a few paragraphs, so I guess I’ll go with my favorite argument: the libertarian argument! Yay! (I can tell you’re getting excited already)

I pose this question to my readers: What harm is a pot smoker doing to you personally? If you answered: “absolutely none, I see your point, I now am completely for marijuana legalization,” you are correct. Congrats.

A victimless crime is not a crime. I am an advocate of legalizing (or at the very least decriminalizing) all drugs, but marijuana in particular because it’s the safest of all drugs (legal and illicit), it has medical value, and a lot of people already use it (many of whom are arrested unjustly just for possessing it). Anyone who says marijuana should stay illegal because it’s “dangerous” also needs to be an advocate for the prohibition of alcohol and cigarettes lest they be called a hypocrite, because these other recreational drugs are faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar (I put extra “a”’s in the word “far” to indicate the magnitude of what I’m trying to say) worse for oneself than marijuana is.

Anyone who spouts the asinine “but if marijuana were legal, everyone would be high! The kids would be high, nothing would get done, etc. etc. etc. blah blah blah” needs to look at just how many people are drunk all the time. Just because something is available doesn’t mean everyone’s going to do it. I don’t deny that, if marijuana were legalized, there would be a spike in usage. But I also predict that the spike in usage would shortly go down to possibly below what it was before it was legal.

I also love the “but think of the children!” argument. To that I say: what children: the children that are already smoking pot, or the children that know exactly where to get the marijuana, but choose not to? Pot is easily the most readily available drug on the illegal market today. And guess what: drug dealers don’t check I.D’s. How many 14-year-olds do you see walking into the liquor store and buying alcohol? It should be common sense that pot usage in children would decrease were marijuana legalized.

Guess what would also decrease: crime! Drug cartels – violent drug cartels – that rely mainly on marijuana sales would be crippled if marijuana were legalized. If people are purchasing marijuana legally and for less money than what the drug cartels sell them for, the cartels would eventually “go out of business,” so to speak. It’s also not a bad idea to mention the insane tax revenue America would get from legalization. Also people with chronic pain and other illnesses would be happy that medical marijuana is available to them (medical marijuana is already legal in about a dozen states in America).


Well look at that, I did come off as amateurish! But I do have an excuse: for the sake of space. I could write several pages on just one of these topics; to write just under four pages covering all three of these topics is nothing short of a miracle. One of my main points that I only mentioned in my discussion of marijuana legalization was “how does this harm you.” I am all for personal freedoms (I am a liberal first, actually, but my libertarian side is not far behind) – and having people say that people shouldn’t be allowed to get married, shouldn’t be allowed to do drugs, or shouldn’t be allowed to get abortions…that irks me. I don’t agree with many people’s ideals, but I don’t say that one shouldn’t be allowed to say, do, or practice these things, nor would I ever say that.

Desperado

We cannot know something for sure without actually doing it can we? If marijuana is legalized I'm fairly sure that allot more people would be high all the time, and "nothing would get done" as you say. Why Am i sure of this? I know allot of people who are idiots and smoke weed, giving it a bad name, and do nothing. If Weed was legal, they would be high all the time and fuck things up. There would need to be laws in place for intoxication, like alcohol. Would it be legal to be high driving? In a store? On the street? In a meeting at work? Because you claim it is less harmful than any other drug out there, which i agree with, but What would we do with those who take it too far? I'd like to think that people would smarting the Fuck up and act responsibly with the newly legalized weed, but, lets face it, the majority of people will become bigger idiots than they are now when weed is legal. They might ruin it for the smarter ones. What would happen then?

But We would have to actually make it legal to see what would happen right? To say I'm right would be wrong. I am not right, but neither are you. It is taking that risk I guess; actually making it legal. We have to see what will happen. And only then we can pretend to be sure in our predictions.

I'd like it if you could expand the weed topic more so, adding in predictions of what would happen if it was legal, and ways that we could avoid the bad outcomes. Maybe not add it to your essay there, just post it in this thread on what you think.. Kind'a like a part two

You know though, I agree with the abortion part. I think that It should available if you need it. But If people start abusing it, which will fucking happen, a shit storm will commence.

I like your essay man, But calling Gay people "gays" seems kind'a mean to me. why not call them... homosexuals?

__________________
"Do you know what its like to feel that nothing is quite real-- including youself?"
"It sometimes happens when one's just on the point of discovering that everything, including oneself, is much more real than one ever imagined; You must switch to Neutral before High.

SenorSmokesALot

Coming from someone who spent a lot of time in college essay writing courses and someone who has worked under reviewers of college essays: your essay is good in and of itself, but it isn't a very good college essay. The reason I say this is because it breaks a few of the college essay rules. First off, it's a bad idea to talk about controversial issues in a college essay. While it does show you're opinionated, it's a bit cliche because so many students do it. Abortion, gay rights, religion and other issues like these are commonplace in the college essay. Furthermore, if the reviewer of the essay feels your view is different from his or the college's that won't work to your benefit. While legalization is definately not cliche in a college essay, it makes you seem like someone who smokes (which you obviously are) which is still, sadly, illegal in the US. While you're making a very valid point, the college is going to take one look at that and dismiss you. No college wants someone who is into illicit activities. Never, never, never write about breaking the law in a college essay. Don't get me wrong, I agree with your points, but in a college essay you may just want to bite the bullet and conform to them. Write to the audience, not necessarily to yourself.

I feel bad that I'm entirely dismissing your essay. I was in your shoes once. It's so stressful. I suggest though, that you find one event that occured in your life and expand on it. I wrote my college essay on a night my mom got drunk. Your essay can be something as simple as waiting in line at McDonald's. Write it well, and you'll do fine. The reason personal essays work is because they show how you think from day to day not from point to point.

You're obviously a passionate writer; get behind a story (you can make one up) and tell it and I can assure you you'll get in the college you want. Make sure you're creative, descriptive and that whatever you write about shows the real you. Hope this helped. Cheers

__________________
"Herb is the Healing of a Nation" ~Bob Marley

"I think people need to be educated to the fact that marijuana is not a drug. Marijuana is an herb and a flower. God put it here. If He put it here and He wants it to grow, what gives the government the right to say that God is wrong?" ~Willie Nelson

laureltontoo

Since it appears that you are a good writer, please don't throw away your opportunity to invite the reader into reading an essay that isn't a re-hash of soooo many college essays/term papers/themes. They will be (or already have been) reading many of this ilk.

Try again. Pick an event from your life--it can even be commonplace and mundane--that is intensely yours and write about it. Write from Point A to Point B to Point C, etc. without digressions.

Think of how many essays are being read. Think how good your essay will read to someone who has read so many of those others--because it won't be just another of those same Arguments Of The Day. Let the reader connect to you and you'll be like a breath of fresh air. (Sorry for the cliche; be sparing of your use of them in any writing except for dialogue.)

Most of all, tho, Good Luck!

nikk

I have no clue because I haven't submitted an essay for college. But wouldn't the essay just be bad because of the way it is formatted?

__________________
"But am I less holy, cause I choose to puff a blunt and drink a beer with my homies. Before we find world peace, we gotta find peace an end that war on the streets."