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Smokin'Jayz

Here's some poetry. Go nuts

Listen to my cry
Listen to me yell
Nothing comes out
Heart swells
I'm about to burst
so close to the edge
feeling the breeze,
I'm weak in the knees.
One step forward
Two steps back
I'm turning
turning back
Can't you see me?
Ripping apart
my insides are spilling
tearing it out
you're tearing me up.


And here's another one

Enveloped in me
a calm and drowning
sickness
to turn black eyes red

For once a scene
bless-ed beauty
with commotious ties
lapses in time
strokes my back
As it turns to face
my oncoming darkness
where I engulf the sky
in a grraceful rage.

 

Ross

What are those about? What was your inspiration?

Smokin'Jayz

I couldn't really say. They could have been written after a fight with my girlfriend, but most of the time I write what just pours out of me. Usually it's just about past experiences, or times in the moment.

Smokin'Jayz

I figured I'd just make this my own poetry thread, so here's more stuff:


You came in abashed
only broken by tears
a feeling was lost
in a deciet
that hurts so much more
from where it comes
a heart so near
where it drew away
your secret fear
so longing of course
will have its due time
but not enough, and so shall we.
turn to the light,
it's bright shining grace
things will get better
eventually my dear
the tide comes in.


And another ( this is more of a song ):

Feeling a part
of what was once whole
it seems lost
thrown away,
tossed aside
and looked over.
Turned away,
down and out
screaming to release
into the space,
rejoining grrace.

You brought me in
you closed me up
stuck to this place
I have no choice

I'm beat and lost
turned and stride
I'm in too deep
stuck inside

so fill me up
cause I'm not quite done
make me burst
with this pain I love.

Strike with the knife
cause it cuts deep
you twist and stir
in your new scene

Had I known
what ventures lay
in this path
away from here

So fill me up
cause I'm not quite done
make me burst
with this pain I love

If I tried to scream
silence would be the call
gestures are done
acknowledged with a nod

But the blood runs deep
even if it's not real
streaming from my skin
rolling against the tide

So fill me up
cause I'm not quite done
make me burst
with this pain I love
I love it
I love it
Fill me.

Smokin'Jayz

Does anybody have any criticism, thoughts, hopes, or dreams? anything? hello, anybody out there?

 

ChilleY420

That was some very interesting poetry you got going there smokin but i liked it.

__________________
I can't fly, my wings don't work
So Instead I get high so my feelings ain't hurt .
F*** the world, don't ask me for sh!t
Dead and gone but i still don't quit .

Faerywings

From what I've heard I like them. I don't know what they are about or anything but I guess thats what makes them interesting to me. Whatever it was that made you write, I'm sorry it hurt you but sometimes hate and pain can be the best fuel for inspiration. If you don't mind me asking are some if these about regret? Your work is not all that happy, but thats what I like about it. For some reason I haven't been able to really ever write anything happy. But thats okay because if there is one upside to being a manic depressant its that when you get sad enough you think of some pretty weird stuff. Keep writing.
*FaeRyWings*

suede

They are your thoughts.They're interesting.Keep writing them downSomeday,you'll have the answers to the questions that now engulf your curiosity,and this will all seem small,in comparison to the thoughts you mull over in your day to day struggle for existenceb.suede

__________________
End World Hunger

schwadood

Suede's got a point. I usually feel uncomfortable critiquing someones writing. Thats becasue they;re your thoughts. And I'm not even supposed to know what its about. You see, while you know, or have some idea what your intended meaning was, I do not and I can only form my own from the words you wrote. The significance I find may be different than the one you had when you wrote it, but that dosen't make it any less correct. Just some ramblings i wanted to put somewhere and this was as good a spot than any.

BTW I did enjoy reading those

__________________
peace and much love

Smokin'Jayz

I wrote this today, perhaps a little happier. I wrote it with the image of a sun rising over the ocean on the coast:

Maybe I didn't see the light
storm across the water

Hazy in this morning fog
it surrounds me

But it's just fine
beccause I'm
calm

So don't worry
just reflect
on...time.

And we'll sit back
and watch the sun
rise

Maybe this time
we're in for a
...surprise.

Maybe this time.