imported_Ilúvatar

i just thought i would bring this backed to life, it was after all on the front page of marijuana.com.

btw cleric, great story, i don't think i finished it because it wasn't all up here when i found it, but now that i remember it i should have a good hour or two of reading in front of me

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beats

Grrrrrrrr-eat!

Dude, that was one cool story.

I've clicked this thread 3 times before I read it. Then I was very glad I did.

Hmm, critisism. The only thing I didn't like was the god thing. Sorry, but it bugged me. But Guy shares my sentiments.

Im still confused about the ending, but I'm often confused.

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twisty

Dear cleric
Hey you asked for criticism so - i reckon more detail about wher guy was going. Ie. was it real or hallucination or alternate reality??? Colour it in make it more real - theres some great scope that went unexploited. Youve got the plot angle sorted which is the main thing but small details like the time slip make it much more real. Also more history to Guy, im hanging on for more 2 find out wht the experiments all about but we dont know him well enough to really care that he died much.... So you got hook and suspense sorted, but characterization is also important - more on guys background and the nature of his friendship with Alex. Eg. the stuff youve covered in this respect is really good ie he is a piss poor judge of character and finds it difficult to relate to anyone except Alex (whos paid to relate) vis his break lamp dancing he's obviously a social retard. We can assume this is partially because of his death/abandonment and communication issues with his ma & pa which were well defined. We all feel we are social retard so thats a part of his charachter every one can relate to - work it more. Its good your able to get stuff like that across subtly. More stuff like that will round the character and make im real - make us empathise with him, root for him (the US root not the Oz root). Some author said he rolls ideas in his head around for ages to see which ones stick and which ones dont after a few months. My top 10 favorite stories have taken years to write.
If there is any particular author whose style you find inspiring or has strengths where you feel yours is weak try reading a slab of their stuff just before u write- It wont change your style but itll
tweak it in the direction you want. - I liked your story - so'd every one else but theres one story you did not get the kudos you deserved. So heres my memo of appreciation. Bit off topic i know but it has to be said.
Thank you very much for putting high flowz thread out of its misery. Props 2 U!!!! Twas an act of mercy. Some horrified fascination compelled me to read a few random pages. Much the same sort of compulsion as the need to look at the toilet paper
after a dump. No actually, that serves a much nobler purpose - that of a clean arse, whereas that thread just sucked arse and sucked arse but was interminably crappy.
edit - more public enema than public enemy

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smile till your ears wrap so far around your head they meet

beats

Dude, twisty. You've posted in almost every single active thread in creative writing.

I don't know, you don't want too much information with some stories. It leaves something to use your brain on, to imagine. Wheres the fun if you already know everything?

beats

Son of a gun, I killed another thread apparently.

I love this story, it needed a bump.