boomer

It is believed that a lion perceives a group of tourists in a safari-car as nothing but a moving rock; while he may be mystified by the supposed rock’s refusal to obey the laws of physics, thinking “whoa dude, that is pretty ****ing trippy,” a lion cannot recognize the travelling humans as prey.


The average homo sapien, let’s call him John, would be able to identify the moving rock as an automobile transporting some yuppies and a fat tour guide (who happens to be wearing an Adidas jacket). Now, let us suppose that John occasionally wastes his time reading some of the semi-coherent ramblings present on blogwars.com; in fact, one day he reads a stoner’s ramblings regarding the way humans perceive the world. John finds this article interesting and it really makes him think! Later that day, while taking a ****, he remembers back to the lion and the moving stone. With a sudden terrifying plop of insight, John realizes that it could be possible for Homo sapiens, despite their towering intellects, to have flawed perceptions as well!

Quivering on his bowl, thoughts racing with gibbering madness, John wonders out loud, “What about the clouds, the seas, the mountains and trees? They could be living beings! Smoke could be a moving rock! The horror! The horror!” And at that very moment in time, possibly commanded by the supreme forces of discordance, a group of tourists from the planet Tlon embark on a safari through the exotic locale known as John’s stomach. The tour guide (who happens to be wearing an Adidas jacket) lets them know that the half-digested animal cracker lion that basks in the acid just outside their “safari car” thinks that they are a moving rock. So the tourists laugh, and the kids are happy; but to their collective chagrin the lion pounces the car and rips open the tour guide's jugular and mauls the children. The animal cracker ends up giving John cancer, and the human race is wiped out by nuclear holocaust.

THE END