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potheadreturns2

I feel like I have to make a decision one day, about my life. If I keep going in the direction I'm headed, I'd imagine I'll be dead by the time I'm 50, after a lifetime of drugs and alcohol. I can't see this happening, though, without having as full of a life as one is possible of living. Of course, I could live a secure, sad life, with two kids and a wife. I might be rich and live long and die in my sleep. What I really want is that rich life but I can't seem to figure out a way to get around the sadness that comes along with it.
If I don't stop I will be pathetic, I know, when I'm an adult. For the time being I'm a rebel. I do stupid things because I'm bored. Some rebel. I can't seem to figure out though, what's wrong with being pathetic and happy. As long as I'm happy, as long as I love, I don't want to die in my sleep.

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dyolF kniP

sound pretty sad man...

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R.I.P. Elias AkA Louie G.

MrIMStoned

I thought marijuana was an anti-depressant.

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"In the end the Party would announce that two and two made five, and you would have to believe it. It was inevitable that they should make that claim sooner or later: the logic of their position demanded it. Not merely the validity of experience, but the very existence of external reality, was tacitly denied by their philosophy. The heresy of heresies was common sense. And what was terrifying was not that they would kill you for thinking otherwise, but that they might be right. For, after all, how do we know that two and two make four? Or that the force of gravity works? Or that the past is unchangeable? If both the past and the external world exist only in the mind, and if the mind itself is controllable what then?"

AndieBear

Most young adults feel the same, wether they realize it or not. You are no exception, although a bit extreme, as was I. Trust in yourself, and you will find what you are looking for.

For me, I wanted to be carefree, to do what I want, when I wanted. I got it, but it wasn't like what I expected. As I got older, the consequences for my behavior became more serious than the behavior itself. For me, it was time to change.

I blend in with those sad drones working in cubicles, but I do not fit in. Due to my past, my mind has been expanded. I've opened pandora's box, if you will, and it helps me continue the path I must take to ensure my survival. Yet, I will always have those experiences to fall back on when life seems too dull.

Moderation in everthing is key, my friend. Too much of anything, may be a bad thing, yet never experienceing something, may leave you feeling deprived.

Hang in there, there is like you mentioned, the security and a weird sense of self worth in "blending" in, yet it is suprisingly easy to keep your true identity to yourself, and those you love, allowing you to experience life to your fullest as you define it.

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Ten people who speak, make more noise than ten thousand who are silent.

Nickel

That's sad and beautiful. That last sentence is perfect! I would be temped to call this piece "I don't want to die in my sleep" BUT I think "Decision" is a better choice. It shows your open for change... which is what life revolves around.

Keep this and read it in a year or in ten years - it will put a smile on your face.

Thanks.