iamaustin23

For English class, we had to write something similar to Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal (for Preventing the Children of Poor People from Being a Burthen to their Parents, or the Country, and for Making them Beneficial to the Public.)

Here is my version. I wrote it while kinda stoned, so if you see anything confusing, please alert me. MOre importantly, please tell me what you think about this. For those of you who don't know what the original "modest proposal" is, it is a satirical essay where one problem is solved by creating a different problem that is much worse. Swift describes his blatently sarcastic proposal in great detail to stress the irony of the whole deal. It is a humerous work, and i attempted to create something informative as well.


"A New Modest Proposal to Prevent the Use of Marijuana by Americans under the Age of Eighteen"

As is well known, one of the most widely used illegal drugs in America is Marijuana. 70 million Americans over the age of 12 have used this horrible drug. More importantly, half of all youth under the age of 18 have smoked marijuana.

Aside from the fact that smoking “the reefer” probably won’t cause painful (or painless, for that matter) death to its users, it is a likely cause of a few high school dropouts, some thefts, mild laziness, sleeping in school, partying, having fun, sleeping in beds at night, and acting completely normal and socially acceptably in their daily lives. It will suffice to say that marijuana use among minors is very dangerous to America.

I am proposing a solution to the problem of marijuana use. In order to stop someone from doing one thing, you must present them with another choice. This other choice will be timely and cost effective. This modest proposal is: free government handouts of tobacco products to minors. This new program, which is to be made mandatory under law in all fifty states, will quickly solve our problems. A tobacco distribution stand will be built in front of the main entrance of every public school (elementary through high school). Cigarettes will be handed out, free of charge, and no record will be taken of the consumer.

Once someone under the age of eighteen spends a majority of their day smoking tobacco, they won’t have time to smoke “the green” anymore. They will easily make the move from marijuana to tobacco because “cancer sticks” give the user a kind of “need” to smoke again, whereas marijuana has been proven to do nothing of the sort, which is why it is so harmful to America.

Because of this proposal, the youth of America will no longer commit the unbelievably terrible crime of individually consuming about an average of a single gram of “Ganja” during the course of one week (For those who are less informed, the equivalent weight to one gram is an entire stick of chewing gum). Once this policy goes into effect, American youngsters will consume an average of six one-gram tobacco cigarettes in just one day, studies show, instead of a small bit of the “Horrible Herb”. No longer will they be spending their day feeling “high”, “chilled out”, or “in a pleasant mood”, while carrying out their lives in perfect accord with all of us who know better and with our always-righteous ideals. Instead, they will be spending their day craving the next time they get to light up a cigarette, but most certainly won’t be smoking pot.

After one month of the beginning of the handout program at a given school, all of the children attending that school will be forced to smoke half of a pack of cigarettes everyday. They must smoke tobacco on “pain of death”. Since marijuana is so dangerous and returning to pot use after a short time of abstinence is common, it is a serious offense for a youth not to take required “drags” of our cigarettes.

I will conclude by ensuring all that this modest proposal will prevent the use of marijuana by Americans under the age of eighteen.



**An insight from your friends on the Politician/Lawmakers payroll
of the Propaganda/Media Section of America Tobacco inc.

__________________
"One has a moral responsibility to disobey unjust laws." -Martin Luther King Jr.

"When the world ends
We'll be burning one." -Dave Matthews Band

"Men seldom, or rather never for a length of time, and deliberately, rebel against anything that does not deserve rebelling against." - Thomas Carlyle

"He who stands on toilet, is high on pot" - ancient proverb

*C21H30O2*C21H26O2*

Barker

i like it.Very good

what grade you get?what did youre teacher say?

iamaustin23

i'm turning it in tomorrow.

TylerDurden

yeah, let us know what your teacher had to say about it.

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I recently quit smoking cigarettes...

you know why?

The thought of someone else raising my son, some other man being his role model, that REALLY rubs me the wrong way.

and THAT, friends and neighbors, THAT is my anti-cigarette.

deadman420

Not bad. Not bad at all.

__________________
No matter your position on the tenets of National Socialism, you have to admit that the Nazis were snappy dressers.

iamaustin23

I'm debating showing my parents this paper. They did just catch me with my drugs. But, they are pretty cool with free speech and all. we'll see...

Stewpad

Good sentence structure and grammatical rythm. I only noticed two very minor errors:

"It will suffice to say that marijuana use among minors is very dangerous to America."

Change 'will' to 'is', and you can use 'suffice' in its proper tense.

"After one month of the beginning of the handout program at a given school..."

You use 'of' too many times in this sentence, almost making it a run-on. Shorten in to something like, 'Once the handout program as been underway for one month...'

Other than that, it was well-written. You'll get a good grade, unless your professor belongs to D.A.R.E.

__________________
"The best way to control people is not to want to control them in the first place."

Barker

iamaustin

what does *C21H30O2*C21H26O2* mean. It has been really bugging me

iamaustin23

c21h30o2 is the chemical formula for thc
c21h2602 is the dormula for cannabinol

beats

Awesome. Tell us the grade.

I was going to make a similar type video for our school. It says make a video regarding drugs that you would show to grade 7,8. I could do the same thing, with a sarcastic tone. And a perfectly straight face

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