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Old 06-11-2003, 05:10 AM   #1
SmokerForPeace
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Default Poem: West

Land taken over by militant sand
An abandoned gas station under the mid-day sun
Deserted land with rising gas vapors
The ground cracked open where water once lingered
A vagabond on his horse wanders on through
Sweat beads rolling down his forehead
The dust picks up at his horse’s great hooves
Wagons full of people follow behind
Trailing with supplies and great big tent
Soon this barren land will be a flowering oasis
Another piece of land fallen victim to the combine
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Cosmic Charley how do you do?
Truckin' in style along the avenue
Dumdeedumdee doodley doo
Go on home, your mama's calling you
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Old 06-12-2003, 10:26 PM   #2
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Excellent imagery. It makes me thirsty.
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Old 06-12-2003, 10:32 PM   #3
highallthetime
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wtf..........
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Old 06-13-2003, 12:25 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally posted by highallthetime
wtf..........

Would you have liked it more if it was cliche "rap"?
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Old 06-13-2003, 02:25 AM   #5
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hell yeah! at least then it would take some talent to rhyme.
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Old 06-13-2003, 10:03 AM   #6
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Read the forum guidelines.

"4>We expect everyone to know the fine line between constructive criticism and just being rude, we understand everyone is entitled to an opinion but flaming will absolutely not be tolerated in this forum. We are here to express ourselves and get constructive criticism, and not someone telling us our writing sucks. "
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Old 06-14-2003, 08:18 AM   #7
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Ah, c'mon SmokerForPeace, everyone wants to hear you lay down a fat rhyme. Holla.
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Old 06-14-2003, 09:14 PM   #8
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Rap is poetry with a beat.
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Old 06-14-2003, 09:31 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally posted by highallthetime
hell yeah! at least then it would take some talent to rhyme.
How it take talent to rhyme to beyond me. Didn't we learn that in the 2nd grade?

Writing poetry without rhyming is a lot harder IMO, you don't have a simple pattern to follow. And it's a lot harder to make lines flow.

I have an answer! highallthetime- let's see you come up with a poem that doesn't rhyme, and SmokerForPeace can make one that does.

So what do you guys say?

By the way, good job smoker.
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