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beats · 07-15-2003, 05:30 AM

utter pungnant death of air
the stillness in my ear
i feel it crawling, under and inside my skin
all of it is full of fear

not a feather rustles, nor a leave has turned
its sticky-sweet syrup is settling in
the longer it sits, i know it will stay

i feel it burning, scratching into my head
its wretched distaste for life and love
a movement shudders, a note warbles
suddenly it turns its head

in a flash of lethargy it holds on tight
but its bonds are too brittle to hold
life bursts forth, a simple step

taken aback, it darts away
it shows its eyes to be plucked out
a heroic love, a wonderous deed
a bazaar of hope
selling horns of life

a wonderous feast
the table of life
many come and rejoice and eat
they kick up there feet and dance a storm
it blows away the dew

beats · 07-15-2003, 05:31 AM

Can I can get some honest feedback?

Devio · 07-15-2003, 06:01 AM

Yeah i have no idea what this poem is trying to convey. Maybe im dense but it makes no sense to me really, not that it should.

However, i am turned off my things that dont rhyme. I am a rapper so maybe its just me.

beats · 07-15-2003, 06:07 AM

In my best possible rap terms.

It's boredom getting "kicked to the curb"

07-15-2003, 05:30 AM	#1
beats Drop-In Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 2,353 Grams: 2,735.80 Groans: 0 Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Stock Portfolio Total Value: 0.000 Gain/Loss: 0.000%	something about..boredom..and..good? utter pungnant death of air the stillness in my ear i feel it crawling, under and inside my skin all of it is full of fear not a feather rustles, nor a leave has turned its sticky-sweet syrup is settling in the longer it sits, i know it will stay i feel it burning, scratching into my head its wretched distaste for life and love a movement shudders, a note warbles suddenly it turns its head in a flash of lethargy it holds on tight but its bonds are too brittle to hold life bursts forth, a simple step taken aback, it darts away it shows its eyes to be plucked out a heroic love, a wonderous deed a bazaar of hope selling horns of life a wonderous feast the table of life many come and rejoice and eat they kick up there feet and dance a storm it blows away the dew __________________ search

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07-15-2003, 05:31 AM	#2
beats Drop-In Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 2,353 Grams: 2,735.80 Groans: 0 Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Stock Portfolio Total Value: 0.000 Gain/Loss: 0.000%	Can I can get some honest feedback?

07-15-2003, 06:01 AM	#3
Devio Banned Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 342 Grams: 29.90 Groans: 0 Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Stock Portfolio Total Value: 0.000 Gain/Loss: 0.000%	Yeah i have no idea what this poem is trying to convey. Maybe im dense but it makes no sense to me really, not that it should. However, i am turned off my things that dont rhyme. I am a rapper so maybe its just me.

07-15-2003, 06:07 AM	#4
beats Drop-In Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Posts: 2,353 Grams: 2,735.80 Groans: 0 Groaned at 0 Times in 0 Posts Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Stock Portfolio Total Value: 0.000 Gain/Loss: 0.000%	In my best possible rap terms. It's boredom getting "kicked to the curb"

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