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Haddock

I wrote this when I was trying to get myself off nicotine. It really helped take my mind off the cravings, I'd really appreciate some feedback on it:

It was the fourth day. Nico entered the cold, dim cell. Inside was a weak, skinny man who seemed as though he hadn't eaten for days. He was young, but it wasn't obvious, his skin had become prematurely wrinkled and he definitely did not have the energy of a young man. He simply sat in the corner of his cell, staring at the floor dejectedly, not daring to make eye contact with Nico.
"It's time for your dose," said Nico.
Nico was a beautiful dark woman. She wore a grey business suit with a grey tie. She had a full figure and she was incredibly strong. She waited a few seconds impatiently for a response, and repeated herself slightly louder than before.
"I said, it's time for your dose."
The man slowly lifted his head and turned towards Nico.
"I don't want my dose," he said quietly.
Nico paused briefly and looked around.
"You don't want your dose? Is something wrong, sweetie?"
The man thought about his response long and hard, not wanting to upset Nico in any way.
"I... just don't feel like a dose right now," he said trying not to make eye contact with her dark, glaring eyes.
"Honey, you have to have your dose or you'll get ill. You know that," Nico told him reassuringly.
He thought about it long and hard, Nico had never been wrong in the past, the last time he had missed a dose, he felt terrible.
"I... I... guess you're right."
Nico carefully pulled a syringe out of a holster on her belt. She pulled a vial out of her pocket and began loading the syringe with a murky, viscous brown liquid.
"Arm," she said without flinching.
The man held out his arm towards Nico and closed his eyes gently. She took off her belt and wrapped it tightly around his arm. She examined his arm carefully for a moment then injected him with the dirty elixir. She held his shoulder gently with her free hand to prevent him from collapsing, and slowly pushed the plunger into his vein, and after a very brief moment, he was out of it. She carefully lay him on the ground and walked away casually.
"I'll be back later," she called nonchalantly with a small smirk of elation.

It was the tenth day. He trembled slightly, involuntarily. His posture had deteriorated to an even worse point than it was a few days ago, he could barely lift his head anymore. Nico entered the cell.
"It's time for your dose again. My, aren't they becoming frequent now?"
The man didn't move for the longest time.
"I... don't... want... my... dose..." he whispered as loudly as he could.
"Don't want your dose? Don't be ridiculous! Everybody needs their dose!" she cried with joy.
Nico was becoming incredibly chipper, it was something about giving the man his dose that gave her energy. It was something about giving the man his dose which made her feel incredible. She really didn't understand why, but didn't mind as long as he got his dose.
"Come on, have your dose, it'll make you feel better."
The man sat there and shook his head gently.
"Fine, I'll be back later, after you start feeling terrible you'll soon want your dose!"
She strolled out of his cell confident in the knowledge that he'd soon want his dose back.

It was the twelth day. The man no longer even sat against the wall, he simply lay down beside it. He shook terribly, and every now and then he'd murmer a slight cough. Nico entered the cell.
"Come on, please take your dose, I hate to see you like this."
The man simply shook his head with every ounce of force left in him. Nico left the cell, despondent and worried about the man.

It was the twentieth day. The man was curled up in the fetal position in his cell weeping his eyes out. Nico entered his cell.
"Please, I'm really starting to worry about you."
Her voice echoed with sincerity.
"Go away!" he screamed to her, through his tears, without moving from his position.
Understandably taken aback by his sudden ability to speak properly, she slowly crept out of his cell back to her own room.

It was the fourtieth day. The man was doing pushups in his cell, his biceps had grown much, much thicker, and if you were to not have seen him before, you would believe he was a young man who had never done any dangerous substances before. Nico walked into his cell, she was looking much weaker, she no longer had the syringe in her holster, nor a vial in her pocket. She simply kept a loaded syringe with her at all times in case he changed his mind. She wasn't as beautiful as before, and her figure wasn't as full, she had become the skinny, worn away one. She was the one who had premature wrinkling. She was a mess.
"Please honey, you really need your dose."
Her words were meaningless. It was obvious his dose wasn't needed, he was healthier than ever.
"**** off!" he barked at her.
"Please, please, I'll do anything, just take your dose, baby."
The man stood up off the ground and put his face directly infront of Nico's.
"Listen to me, Nico, you have ruined me. I was a successful, friendly man. I was intelligent, I could feel. But most importantly, I was free from you."
And with that cutting remark, he turned away and strolled out of his cell. It was never locked.

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Footnote to the mods: It may appear that I'm mentioning other off-topics, but seriously nicotine is the only one i was referring to.

 

NeoArcadian

I liked it.

I personally don't smoke (tobacco) but both my brother and my sister do and they are in their early twenties. I have tried to get my sister to stop but the best that she could do so far is slow it down a bit. My brother smokes clove cigs and only has one every two days. That is no doubt a slight addiction but he never smokes more than that. He may have a bad habbit but at least it isn't very bad and he has some self control.

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"Hammered like a blacksmith, Stoned like a mountain." ME.

beats

Cloves are good.

Yeah, I did enjoy the poem, to be honest I found it a touch overdramatic (don't take it to heart, just try reading my poetry for some over-dramatasizing), while nicotine is really, really hard to kick, it isn't quite so dramatic or painful, as some other, off-topic substances, which this resembled. Which are very unpleaseant.

But good writing. Good luck with the smoking, how long has it been?

I decided to quit my half-pack a day habit 2 weeks ago. It's going well, I'm up to a full pack a day.

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Insaneteacher

I can't understand cigarettes, i smoked for a few months..but dropped it pretty easily. That was a good story though a little overdramatized like people have mentioned...still good...and Nico sounds hot.

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I watched with glee
While your kings and queens
Fought for ten decades
For the gods they made
I shouted out,
Who killed the kennedys?
When after all
It was you and me

Coolguy

Yeah it's only hard after a year or more.


As mentioned.. way exaggerated.

I think Heroene is a better name than Nico

Good story though

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