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09-27-2004, 01:50 AM
| #1 |
| Member Join Date: Jun 2004
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|  Please read my poems and tell me what you think "The Falling" As I put paper to pad I wait for the winter grand winter, in all of it's majesty sipping a steamy mug of cocoa I watch the flakes sail to the ground and write these letters but to whom am I writing? is it I trying to have my own personable diary or am I really interested in reality, fantasy "Life" The life awaits grim Reaper or Experience it's yours to choose how I long for grand adventures i want to truly live, and avoid the grim travel across europe with only a backpack meet an array of people from all walks of life have romances and betrayls Live
__________________ I follow my 3rd grade teacher's advice: Get 5 big servings of greens everyday  |
 
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09-28-2004, 01:40 AM
| #2 |
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| Lol, these poems kinda suck huh? I've never really written a poem before in my life, but I was stoned and thought it was a great idea. Anyway, if you want to give me some feedback or whatever, if you liked any parts, that'd be cool. brownie |
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09-28-2004, 02:59 AM
| #3 |
| Toilet   Join Date: Nov 2001
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| I like the first one, but I don't think personable is a word.... The second one has potential. Never say something sucks, unless it actually does (like a vacuum).
__________________ "I am the Alpha and the Omega," says the Lord God, "who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty." --Revelation 1:8 Have a nice day!  |
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09-28-2004, 03:44 AM
| #4 | |
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| Quote:
thanks for the feedback, brownie | |
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10-01-2004, 09:27 PM
| #5 |
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| As I put paper to pad I wait for the winter grand winter, in all of it's majesty sipping a steamy mug of cocoa I watch the flakes sail to the ground Change paper to pad to pen to paper but you still conveyed your idea your way.It offers up an image of you sitting at a table near a window looking out...pausing....grand winter,in all it's majesty the second line offers and adds to the image of the first line giving us a hint of you warming up on a cold morning maybe like before work or start of day with a cup of steamy hot chocolate looking at the snow falling outside the window.It stirred a passion in you to write down the feeling.I get the sense that you are seeing the first snow of an approaching winter and you are enjoying the moment. You did create a mental image for the reader. and write these letters but to whom am I writing? is it I trying to have my own personable diary or am I really interested in reality, fantasy You ask a question here and I think maybe to yourself than to any reader.An inner reflective moment maybe? Anyways it's my thought that if you keep writing you may find your own answer. And no your poems don't suck.If they mean nothing to you then most likely they will mean nothing to everyone else.Most likely tho even if they mean nothing to everyone else they will always have meaning to you. Keep writing. |
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10-01-2004, 09:43 PM
| #6 |
| Administrator   Join Date: Jun 2003
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| Personable is in fact a word... but I think he meant "Personal"
__________________ Now, there are four states of being in the cannabis, or Marijuana, society: Cool, Groovy, Hip, and Square. The square is seldom if ever cool. He is not "with it," that is, he doesn't know "what's happening." But if he manages to figure it out, he moves up a notch to "hip." And if he can bring himself to approve of what is happening, he becomes "groovy." After that, with much luck and perseverance, he can rise to the rank of "cool." A cool guy... cool guy... cool guy... |
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