A freestyled poem...

Chronic Smoker · 11-07-2004, 08:38 PM

Hey ya'll im **stoned**, and dont write poetry so let me try and see how it fairs for my first time...a lil freestyle poem...

A freestyle poem..1 one ever....feedback if enjoyed

The world my girl which fits inside
My life through strife when i've lied
Behold a man who cries and tries
9-5 to survive barely alive
Greed to peace with me due east
Why teach i too will cease my heartbeat
Life is possible but death is certain
Money is profitable but comes with burdens
Live and breath we all shall prosper
A gift indeed our minds will conquer/

imported_smokin-es-good · 11-08-2004, 04:48 AM

Just to say Poem's are not my strong point at all. I really don't enjoy them that much because most of the time I can't understand them. I did enjoy ur poem. I have no idea how u created that stoned. I try to do something stoned and it comes out looking like ****. That actually went together and what not

peace

Chronic Smoker · 11-08-2004, 04:56 AM

Right on man i was stoned and in the zone on that, i was in a "thinking frenzy" during that part of my high.

CoMpLeX

Leithreas · 11-09-2004, 01:18 AM

nice poem man. i enjoyed the stoned creativity you put into it. the first few lines though i couldnt get to flow right, but i think i was reading it in the wrong rythm.

check out some of my poems man. the best way to get ideas for work is from others

don't plagerize though

TiKiTiKi · 11-09-2004, 04:21 AM

yea. it was a good poem. I have no idea how u did that stoned but whateva!

Chronic Smoker · 11-09-2004, 08:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TiKiTIKi

yea. it was a good poem. I have no idea how u did that stoned but whateva!

Im a lyricist and words flow naturally, just my expressive outlet in life. Right on for feedback, much obliged.

CoMpLeX

**Coolguy** · 11-09-2004, 09:43 AM

Honest opinion, I didn't especially like it.

Some words or phrases seem out of place or like they don't belong where they are in the sentence. Whether or not I am misreading the poem or you are using words in a wierd way, it didn't fit together to make much sense.

Props for putting it up there though and, as someobody said, don't give up on your dreams!

Just remember: If you hang in there long enough, good things can happen. I mean, look at me. </OfficeSpaceQuote>

11-07-2004, 08:38 PM	#1
Chronic Smoker Jr. Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 280 Grams: 2,457.95 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Stock Portfolio Total Value: 0.000 Gain/Loss: 0.000%	A freestyled poem... Hey ya'll im stoned, and dont write poetry so let me try and see how it fairs for my first time...a lil freestyle poem... A freestyle poem..1 one ever....feedback if enjoyed The world my girl which fits inside My life through strife when i've lied Behold a man who cries and tries 9-5 to survive barely alive Greed to peace with me due east Why teach i too will cease my heartbeat Life is possible but death is certain Money is profitable but comes with burdens Live and breath we all shall prosper A gift indeed our minds will conquer/

11-08-2004, 04:56 AM	#3
Chronic Smoker Jr. Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Posts: 280 Grams: 2,457.95 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Stock Portfolio Total Value: 0.000 Gain/Loss: 0.000%	Right on... Right on man i was stoned and in the zone on that, i was in a "thinking frenzy" during that part of my high. CoMpLeX

11-09-2004, 01:18 AM	#4
Leithreas Toilet Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 1,749 Grams: 2,652.55 Thanks: 0 Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post Stock Portfolio Total Value: 0.000 Gain/Loss: 0.000%	nice poem man. i enjoyed the stoned creativity you put into it. the first few lines though i couldnt get to flow right, but i think i was reading it in the wrong rythm. check out some of my poems man. the best way to get ideas for work is from others don't plagerize though __________________ "*I am the Alpha and the Omega," says the Lord God, "who is and who was and who is to come, the Almighty.*" --Revelation 1:8 Have a nice day!

11-09-2004, 04:21 AM	#5
TiKiTiKi Sr. Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 1,670 Grams: 5,689.50 Thanks: 7 Thanked 13 Times in 5 Posts Stock Portfolio Total Value: 0.000 Gain/Loss: 0.000%	yea. it was a good poem. I have no idea how u did that stoned but whateva! __________________ If I won the lotto, i'd buy pounds of bud give it to my homies to show I got love

11-09-2004, 09:43 AM	#7
Coolguy Subscriber Join Date: Jun 2003 Posts: 2,905 Grams: 19,021.78 Thanks: 61 Thanked 106 Times in 55 Posts Stock Portfolio Total Value: 0.000 Gain/Loss: -1.000%	Honest opinion, I didn't especially like it. Some words or phrases seem out of place or like they don't belong where they are in the sentence. Whether or not I am misreading the poem or you are using words in a wierd way, it didn't fit together to make much sense. Props for putting it up there though and, as someobody said, don't give up on your dreams! Just remember: If you hang in there long enough, good things can happen. I mean, look at me. </OfficeSpaceQuote> __________________ Now, there are four states of being in the cannabis, or Marijuana, society: Cool, Groovy, Hip, and Square. The square is seldom if ever cool. He is not "with it," that is, he doesn't know "what's happening." But if he manages to figure it out, he moves up a notch to "hip." And if he can bring himself to approve of what is happening, he becomes "groovy." After that, with much luck and perseverance, he can rise to the rank of "cool." A cool guy... cool guy... cool guy... Posting Guidelines

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