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BazzKid

alright im writing another song, and i just was wondering if i could get some constructive critism about this one. It was partly about drugs when i wrote it (though the bigger picture it is just about any subject that we are cheated out of our liberty on). I had to abort that idea when i realized that our drummer and singer is completely against pot. so I guess it isnt about pot... whatever

Legalize Freedom

What would you do if I said
Keeping your eyes on me
is violating the sancity of privacy
and how would you feel if I said

Im gonna push it on you
if your gonna push it on me
Yeah im gonna push it on you
if your gonna push it on me

We dispute of Patriotism and Immorallity
When stated so clearly
the definition of liberty
its not your choice, this is up to me

And im gonna push it on you
If your gonna push it on me
yeah im gonna push it on you
if your gonna push it on me

push on

Legalize liberty
Legalize choice
Legalize freedom
Legalize freedom

Cant you see
Its not the number of steps we walk
but the direction were taking
let us choose our path

Gonna choose it for you
if your gonna choose it for me
Gonna choose it for you
if your gonna choose it for me

to force us closer
is only tearing us apart
weve never been this close to seperation
and weve never been this far

gonna crusify you
if your gonna crusify me
gonna crusify you
if your gonna crusify me

thats what I have so far... here is something I wrote that may have been in the song would have the band members supported pot. ( a reference to the fact that legalization would end drug disputes and save the goverment money)

Lets put an end to the disputes
Theyre killing people over pennies
lets put our faith in something new
your wasting your time
you cant cant keep hiding the truth
it doesnt have to be this way
it doesnt have to be this way

if you just

(chorus)

so anyone know how i can improve this song, maybe a way to take the part I had to take out and turn it into metaphor so I can lie to them and say its about something else? it would all be pretty nice.

 

ChasinReveries

I think these are pretty good song lyrics...it's obviously a bit more difficult to read a songs lyrics and judge them without actually listening...cus i think the way u sing the lyrics are just as important, perhaps more important, than the actual lyrics themselves...it has to be passionate...
i don't have any suggestions really cus nothing stood out as being particularly bad...

for that last part i think u can just ****in throw that in there, tell ur buddies it's about somethin else...they might not even notice the change if they're not paying attention....it can be like a bridge to the song...or u can just make it a completely new song/poem and it can be ur OWN thing...either way it's pretty decent so u might as well use it somewhere...

hope that helped somewhat...take it ez man