Marijuana.com

dedbr

"This is Dedbr,live at the Deddy Bunker, with George Dubya Bush,that's right, the President of the United States of America, who has graciously consented to give us, here at the old MJ.com, an exclusive interview on today's main issue's.

Mr. Bush, is it all right if I call you that, Sir?

No, asshole. Call me premier.

Uh, yes, uh, well then, uh, Premier, can we get your comment's on the recent cut's in the medicaid program that basically affect's the poor and elderly in this country, that you tagged on the end of a budget bill while congress was on Christmas break?

Sure, F*ck 'em!

But Mr. Pres... Uh, Premier...You said on your inauguration that the poor and the elderly were your number one concern, domestically.

I lied. F*ck em. Next question.

All right then. Mr. Premier, what is your opinion of the recent poll from Iraq that say's up to seventy five percent of Iraqi's think it's all right to kill American's?

I say who read the poll question to the illiterate towel head's. F*ck 'em. Next question.

Mr. Premier, what about the Iranian nuclear situation? What do you see as a solution to this impending crisis?

Marijuana and video games are the two tool's that we feel are going to work the best for us this time.

Marijuana and video games?!1*#&7^&% What earthy good could that do?

Were going to flood the country with herb and then video counsol's and television's, with instruction's on how to work the damn thing's, then when they are all playing the games,we sneak in and steal their nukes while their stoned. Simple.

Mr. Premier, that seem's like a pretty simple answer to a very complex problem.

You want simple, hippy? How's this for simple, F*ck 'em. F*ck "em, F*ck 'em.
F*ck 'em, F*ck 'em, F*ck 'em.

Mr. Premier, what about the people who supported you and voted for you in your campaign's for President. Don't you feel that some of these question's deserve an answer, if no other reason than them?

F*ck 'em. I can't get re-elected, so I could care less.

Mr. Premier, I voted for you twice, I want some answer's as one of that block who voted for you.
I feel that as a voter, I deserve them.

Deserve? Here's what you deserve. F*ck you.

(Secret service agent's scoop up Dedbr and start his ride to an undisclosed foreign country.)

This is Premier Dubya saying their's nothing wrong with your computer. Everything's all right. Go back to your normal daily activities. Just remember my favorite saying...

"What, me worry?"

(Hey guy's, there's some cool stuff in this bunker. Don't leave anything behind. He could be a terrorist!)



The Deddy...Somewhere in the Ozone

__________________
"There I am, on the road again.......Here I am, up on the stage............
Here I go, playin' star again...........There I go, turn the page.
"Turn The Page"...Bob Seeger

New to our home? A lot of questions can be answered with our Posting Guidelines ........ http://www.marijuana.com/introductio...uidelines.html
What's a gram? Read our Gram Guidelines and find out...........http://www.marijuana.com/add-article/77170-marijuana-grams-system.html

 

dedbr

A whispered voice is heard thru the dark...

"All right folk's. Well, your intrepid reporter has certainly been thru it the last few day's, let me tell you.
I was taken to an undisclosed foreign location and tortured for day's, forced to eat jelly bean's left over from the Reagan year's and made to listen to Nixon speeches. I almost broke and told them where my main stash was, but I finally escaped by telling my foreign gaurd's that I had to go tinkle.
My bunker has been leveled. A sign has been put up that say's "We have the death penalty and we use it!". Can this be America? What has happened?"

(An even better question is what will I do if Iran decides to nuke me. My bunker is gone. Fear, the mind killer. Oh well, I will dig another bunker.)

I will try to file more report's on these incredible event's as they occur. Until then...

This is Dedbr, reporting from a minefield, somewhere in middle America.

The Deddy

dedbr

(The sound of running thru the grass and hard breathing, helicopter's thumping in the distance.)

"Good Lord, Folk's. This is your intrepid reporter, Dedbr, on the run, somewhere in middle America. The plot is even more insidious than it seemed at first. I am being chased by a new office of our government called the R. E. A. That's right folk's, the REA, which stand's for Ridiculous Enforcement Agency. I thought they wanted my stash, Folk's, but oh no, it's uglier than that, much uglier, they want to take away my ridiculous!
That's right, they want to take away my ridiculous. Now, everyone know's that I use my ridiculous for strictly medical reason's, not social, but that's not going to stop the men of the REA from doing their job of jerking it out and taking it somewhere to rot. Then I get to die of being dull
just because I don't have my medicine.
I am on the run trying to save myself from this insidious plot that's aimed at all Americans who use their ridiculous for medicinal reason's on a daily basis.
I foresee a huge ridiculous black market growing from this needless harassment of peaceful citizen's folk's. Soon, everyone who uses their ridiculous to suffer thru the strain's of a day will have to tuck towel's around door's and turn the stereo way up to keep from getting ratted on by Republican Student's For Dubya. Personally, I'm fleeing to Canada. Hopefully, they will let me have asylum to enjoy my ridiculous in peace while I dig a new bunker."

(A helicopter painted pink with purple polka dot's fly's by)

"Trying to camoflage them. They can't fool me. Until next time, this is Dedbr, somewhere in middle America, on the run...."

The Deddy

Toking Jedi

It's cool, it's funny... ah i don't know, i just have an issue with your over-simplification of Bush's stance on certain issues. It would be a lot funnier if you took what you have already and try and satirize bush in a more intelligent way: try making him say what he's really thinking in the way he says what he usually says for PR purposes... uh, if that makes sense... i'm a bit tired. But if you got that, good for you! Just a suggestion...

__________________

dedbr

(A large pile of dirt has been raised and a flag is blowing in the wind. On the top it say's "Thong ,Thong..."... In the Middle, a marijuana leaf, and on the bottom the word's "Ridiculous Central".)

(Ded pop's out of the bunker.) "Folk's, We've made it to Canada, and set up the command bunker of "Ridiculous Central"' to start our exile, and campaign against the seizure of medical ridiculous from U.S. citizen's. There have been some in the right wing press that say I am a fugitive from justice and a criminal, that could not be farther from the truth! I am a freedom fighter, standing up for the right's of my fellow citizen's to use their ridiculous for whatever reason they deem fit.

Since being in Canada, I have come across some disturbing information about our northern neighbor's, information that I'm sure will come as no surprise to some American's; Canadian's have no ridiculous! That's right folk's. Since being in Canada, I've used my ridiculous several times in public, and was totally ignored by the Canadian's! I think it's because they are so busy trying to stay warm.

We have had new developments in America, sinister development's. We have a tape of Premier Dubya's last new's conference...let's listen to that now....

"My fellow American's, a new problem is sweeping our country. That problem is the random, unchecked use of ridiculous. We must stop that use at once. To stop this use of ridiculous, I have formed a new agency, the Ridiculous Enforcement Agency. They will police the ridiculous from us so I can give a speech without having to listen to a bunch of "disturber's" and breaking my train of thought. F*ck 'em, I say..."
"Mr. Premier, uh, Mr. Premier,..." whisper's in the backround..."F*ck em, I'm the premier. Go sit down before I make you listen to Nixon speeches, beeaaaattttccchhhh!"
"So remember assholes, we catch you using your ridiculous, we'll snatch your ass up before you can think and make you listen to Nixon speeches, you want ridiculous. F*ck you!"
This has been a message from your Premier. You better think this way or it will be bad.

"There you have it folk's. I guess we can all see now that we are in a war to the end with a dictatorship that's making war on it's own citizen's. I managed to escape imprisonment by fleeing to Canada, being singled out because I first discovered the odiuos plot. (The sound of helicopter blade thump's sound in the distance.)

"O.K. folk's, they've locked on to my signal. this is Ded, signing off... Somewhere in the wild's of Canada..."

(A helicopter comes into view, purple with pink polka dot's, REA painted on the side.)

Hah, I have something for 'em this time....

Dedbr hit's a switch and the flag goes down. A sign pop's up that say's "We have the death penalty, and we use it! Loyal Son of Texas."

The chopper turn's and fly's away.

See ya', Bitch! (Ded flip's them the bird.)

(Dedbr turn's up the music and Thong...Thong,Thong, comes from a huge speaker. He shakes his money maker....)

Oh, baby, time for a spliffy....

 

dedbr

(The Oval Office, Washington D.C.)

An aide approaches the door to the inner sanctum and knocks gently.

"Mr. Premier?" Knock, Knock. "Mr Premier.." he gently pushes the door open.

"Big Pimpin', duh duh duh, Big Pimp', uh, oh hell, what is it now?"

"Mr. Premier, what's that you have on Sir?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but I have on clear plastic pump's and a thong I stol'...uh, confiscated from that assholes bunker. Their really quite comfortable." (Big Pimpin' play's in the backround.)

"Mr. Premier, I don't think..."

"That's right, pinko, you don't! I do. What, you don't like my pump's? (Bush jump's on his desk.) "Here, get a good look, cooter. How about my thong? (Bush shakes his butt.) Want some jello with that whine, beeeaaatttcchhh??" Bush shakes his money maker and start's singing, "Big pimping...Duh,duh duh duh duh..."

"Mr. Premier, we have the photo's that you requested from the REA."

"Good let me see 'em. Wait a minute, what's a Texas boy doin' in Canada? Any Texas man would know it's too damn cold up there for a Texas man! Call the REA! Get their asses back up there and get this guy. I want him back in his cell listening to Nixon AND Ford speeches until he's deaf!"

"Yes Mr. Premier. At Once."

Bush jump's back on his desk and kick's all the paper's off.

"Oh yeah baby..." he crank's the music with a remote..."I'm 'Big Pimpin' now..."

"Big Pimpin' duh, duh duh duh duh..Big Pimpin' in the White House..."

Mrs. Bush enter's the office...

"Dubya, Honey dinner's rea... Ahhhhhhhgggggg....Oh my god, George, what's that you have on!"

"It's called a thong, and you should try one. Here, I have a few extra, try this yellow one. The pink ones are all mine. Keep your hand's off those."

"But George, I don't think I can wear this."

"You'll wear it or you'll go hold Nancy Reagan's hand for a few week's. How would that be, snake hole?"

"Well...O.K. George,..."

"Mr. Premier, Beeeaaaatttccchhhh......"

"Yesss...Yesss...Of course..Mr. Premier."

"Big Pimpin' across America...."

"Here baby, try these pump's, they make your calves look good."

dedbr

"This is your intrepid reporter Dedbr, here in the Ridiculous Central bunker,located somewhere in the wild's of Canada.
Folk's, you would not believe the turn of event's we have had here at the bunker! We have obtained a video of the Premier's last new's conference, held in the Capital. All I can say is, folk's, we are winning! Let's go to the tape...."



Ladies and gentlemen....Premier Dubya!


(Big Pimpin start's to play as Dubya walk's out in a cowboy hat, pink thong and cowboy boot's.)

"I have a brief statement I'm a gonna read, first, beeeaaattccchhhheeeesssss."

"First, the reason that MTV doesn't play Beavis and Butthead episodes is not because I look like Beavis, Beeaatch! Stop printing that sh*t, or I'm gonna have your ass listening to Eisenhower speeches before you can say Afghanis..Afghanis... Oh whatever the f*uck it is.
Second, the rumor's that I am using ridiculous in office are simply that...ridicu...uh..f*cked up is what it is. So if I catch the son-of-a-b*tch who's spreading these rumor's, his tit's in the wringer!"


"All right, let's go..."
"Mr. Premier?"
"Yeah, the blonde with the big tit's. Your the reason I believe in intelligent design."
"That's disgusting! I was going to ask you what that was you had on, but I guess you were practicing a little intelligent design of your own, huh?"
"Lock the room down, lock the room down!

(Damn it, this is so comfortable I forgot I had it on...)

Big Pimpin' fades out....


"Folk's, only footage like that could speak those thousand word's. Premier Dubya, obviously under the influence of ridiculous, decrying it's use. Hypocrisy speak's louder than word's, folk's. At last, the truth can be shown to the American people, and the terrible oppression of medical ridiculous can end."

(Helicopter's sound in the distance, Dedbr grabs a helmet from the bunker...)

"Let's see what they do with this!"...Ded grabs the switch and heaves...


The whole bunker area turn's into herb plant's ten feet high.....

The helicopter's come into view and fly right over.


(Dedbr hit's another switch and music comes out of the speaker, Elvis singing "I Want To Be, Your Teddy Bear....)

"Folk's, these are incredible development's. Stay tuned for further detail's as they become avalable. This is the Dedbr, somewhere in the herb patch."

dedbr

Is this on? OK, in 3, 2, 1..."Morning Folk's. This is Dedbr, reporting for MJ.com on the Medical Rediculous Movement, and the turn of event's that has come about in the last week. We here at the old MJ.com have learned that the use of ridiculous has begun to spread all over the country. It's an epidemic, folk's"

We have visitor's here at the Ridiculous Central Bunker, Dubya's own daughter's. Of course their not ready for an interview just yet as their sloshed out of their gord, and suffering from sugar coma, but as soon as they come out of it, we'll get them to give us a few words.

We've had some setback's to the movement. The American government is seeking extradition for crimes I supposedly commited in the US. The Canadian government has issued a summon's for me to appear in court for this hearing, and go I must. I assume agent's for the REA will be there to make sure that no Ridiculous is pulled out and and used to confuse the court during the proceeding's.
'Dedbr holds his hand to his ear mike for a minute, "Folk's, Premier Dubya has just announced an emergency news conference and we go live to it now....

Ladies and gentlemen, the Premier.

"Sit down, idjits. I have a brief statement to read and there will be no questions afterward.

My daughter's have disapeared. No trace of them has been found since they left for Canada last week. All effort's are being made to find them, and we will find them. After all, their probably drunk and passed out in the back of some guy's car like last time."

"Folk's, I bet we all know the answer to that one, don't we? ( The toilet flushes in the bunker behind Dedbr...)

"Well, sound's like one of our guest's are up, so need to play host for a bit."


( A scream sound's from the bunker...)

"She's really awake now, and so's the rest of the country. This is the Dedbr, somewhere in the wilds of Canada, saying adios."

( "What's this mess? How do you make coffee?" Screams echo from the bunker as Dedbr runs from the door to the inside. )

( It's not that bad, Dedbr say's.)

(Bad? Bad? A nuclear bomb is bad, Tsunami's are bad. Katrina has nothing on this place. If it was in the states, we could get disaster relief! )

( "Oh come on. I worked for a week cleaning this place"...)

( Oh yeah,and I'm the Premier's daughter, uh...wait a minute, I am. Just empty the trash,idjit, that is if you can find the trash can.....)

dedbr

The screen fuzzes and blur's...

A new sound comes on....Big Pimpin' starts to play....finally a picture...and what a picture...


Dubya with a blue t-shirt on that say's "MJ.com," and under that, "Jay Token...Pot Detective!" His ball cap say's, "Take the Gun Away from Dick!"

"My fellow American's. We have taken these few moment's of your time tonight to speak to the person or person's who have our daughter's.

First I will read this note, found in their room."

Dear Mommy and Dubya...F*k U! We are goin to Dedbrs Bunkr?(Yal no i cat spel) to be rididicked, or somthin lick that, aner who,
Lik i sad,
Fuk u,
numbr 1

"Bab's and I would like to issue a short statement to the kidnapper. 'See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya!' That about cover's it I think."

Vice Premier Grumpy stagger's into the scene with his orange vest and hat that say's "Tar By Far"

"Dubya, who else can I shoot?" Grumpy nod's off, leans on the Premier's shoulder.

"Hey Bitch, go hide in Montana or somethin' will ya, and make sure they don't pass any medical ridiculous bill's." Idjit...

dedbr

And how about the Exclusive Presidential Interview, folks. I have great news!

President Dubya and Vice Premier Chaney have graciously agreed to final interview's with the old MJ.com's intrepid reporter dedbr, and they'll be here on the news page soon!

And believe you me folks, the secrets of the war and the economy and every other dirty little secret will comeout........

Only here, in the news that's fit to print......


Some Where In Ded Land...........