Pompo

Dutch getting high on new smoking law
9/28/08|Canada.com| by Terry Mcconnell - The Edmonton Journal

What happens when liberal enlightenment collides with liberal sensitivity? Well, in the liberal Netherlands, it means the law is hoist with its own petard.

Consider the case of the fellow who was arrested by police while smoking a marijuana joint in an Amsterdam café -- because his joint had tobacco in it.

"For logic, it is sometimes impossible to explain, even to the Dutch," said a spokescop.

According to London's Daily Telegraph, this was the problem: cannabis smoking in the Netherlands' coffee shops is legal. Yet a ban on smoking -- tobacco smoking, that is -- in public places was introduced last summer.

"The man was not fined for smoking a cannabis joint but for smoking," the cop confessed. "You can smoke cannabis but not tobacco in coffee shops."

The 27-year-old miscreant is expected to contest the case in court.

Caveat emptor

"Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics."

-- Author Fletcher Knebel

Take injury, add insult

Police in Boise, Idaho, showed concern for the man who was hit by a truck on a busy downtown street. But that didn't stop them from giving the guy a ticket for jaywalking.

According to the Idaho Statesman, the pedestrian, Ebrahim Balah, 62, didn't use a legal crosswalk while attempting to get across a busy street.

Balah is expected to recover.

How rude!

A charge of battery has been dropped against a motorist in West Virginia who was accused of farting in front of a police officer, then, er, fanning the resulting odour in the cop's direction.

The county prosecutor asked for the charge to be dropped, reports the Desert Sun. Police say the motorist, Jose Cruz of Clarksburg, was resisting arrest when he lifted his leg and broke wind. The criminal complaint noted the odour was "very strong."

Drunk but polite

Cruz needs to take a lesson in manners from a man in Wisconsin who was pulled over for impaired driving, but for the fifth time. He thanked the officers profusely because he said he deserved to get caught.

"Thank you for everything you've done for me," a self-loathing David Hyland told police.

Hyland faces up to three years in prison, reports the New York Post.

Two times the charm

Elsewhere on the police blotter, a man was acquitted in Fresno, Calif., last month of robbing a branch of the Liberty Bank because the employees could not positively identify him.

This week, he went back to rob the same bank, reports the Fresno Bee. An arrest quickly followed.

Cruel cut

Then there is the man in Kentucky who says he went to a clinic for a circumcision but the doctor removed his penis instead.

Not surprisingly, the man, Philip Seaton, 61, is suing, reports Louisville TV station WLKY.

According to lawyers, the doctor, John Patterson, removed the penis because he thought he detected cancer. Seaton, who sought the circumcision because of inflammation, said the doctor should have asked him or his wife first.

Smokers beware

Meanwhile, a doctor in Maryland is being sued for stapling his patient's rectum shut during an operation. The procedure left the man unable to, er, you know, for 17 days.

The doctor, Manuel Casiano, blames a rectal tumour. According to the Baltimore Sun, the patient was a habitual smoker.

Journalistic need

"Has anyone here been raped and speaks English?"

-Question by BBC reporter to Belgian civilians escaping war in the Congo in 1960, submitted by astute reader Allan Lynch

March of progress

A chain of Christian bookstores owned by the Southern Baptist Convention has pulled copies of Gospel Today magazine from the shelves, reports the Chicago Sun-Times. Apparently the cover features a photo of -- gasp! -- five women pastors.

In Bush we trust

People in North Carolina are still talking about the guy who a while back attempted to pass a $200 US bill that bore the likeness of President Bush on the front and the White House on the back, with lawn signs reading "We Like Ice Cream" and "We Like Broccoli."

Well, maybe "attempted" isn't the right word. According to the Roanoke Daily Herald, the store clerk rang up his groceries and handed him $50 in change.

Or not

"President Bush Heads to Texas; Residents Urged to Leave"

-- Headline on CNN.com over a story that requires no further explanation

Name game

How many kids named Track went to your school? Didn't think so. But then Sarah Palin wasn't the mother of any of the kids at your school.

She is, however, the mother of Track, Trig, Bristol, Willow and Piper Palin.

And what would your name be if you were born to the U.S. vice-presidential nominee? Now you can find out with the help of the Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator by logging on to Poli Tsk Tsk Tsk: Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator

Clip and save

Speaking of politicians, the following might come in handy when the English language leaders' debate is televised Oct. 2.

If you see touching on any part of the face, particularly the nose, inappropriate smiling, leaning forward, swallowing, lip licking, an averted gaze, throat clearing, such words as "generally" and "actually," "honestly" and "as far as I know," decreased hand gestures, tightened lips, increased handling of papers or pens, crossed arms, hands closing into fists and sighing, the speaker is lying.

No lie

"Angry Pig Holds Woman Hostage"

-- Headline on Australian

Broadcasting Corporation website

Crazy venters

Astute readers will know that Telescope pulls double duty around The Journal as the Venting Guy. And it's in that capacity we can admit to getting some pretty darn weird mail -- but don't tell anybody.

You may be wondering if there is a point to sharing this. You're darn right there is, and we're getting powerfully close to making it.

The Washington Post has been attempting to mount a Venting-style column of its own. Those efforts inspired the people who compile the Post's Style Invitational column to ask readers to come up with their own ideas of what might constitute the most idiotic vent ever. Believe us when we say we see this sort of stuff every week.

Anyway, here is the best of the Post's stupid vents:

- What really burns me up is women who breast-feed their babies in public when I'm out with my family. I can't very well say, "Yeah, baby" or "How about a little lunch for me?" with my wife and kids standing there!

- I hate when people repeatedly say "you know." Like my former boss, he'd say, "You know you can't download porn in the office." "You know you can't embezzle funds from the pension account." "You know you're going to jail." It drove me crazy!

- What's with octagonal stop signs? They could be hexagonal, still have a distinctive shape, and it would save two sides!

- I hate it when people confuse the letter O with the number 0. If you give out your area code as "two-oh-two," well, don't be surprised if someone dials 262, because on the telephone pad, 6 is the key for the letter O.

- I'm appalled that Maryland designates as its state flower the black-eyed Susan, thus tacitly condoning domestic violence.

- People are such idiots. First they make the Walk and the Don't Walk lights both gray! Then, no matter how good you are at running, they can forget, like, five times in a row to let go of the ball they're trying to throw. Idiots, I tell you. -- Rex

- Why does Hershey's continue to print "Open Here" on its wrappers? Please, Hershey's, tell me exactly what I'm risking if I open the candy from the other end. It's freakin' chocolate, not a bomb.

- No matter how many times I tell my local grocers that a tomato is a fruit, not a vegetable, they keep putting them between the potatoes and the onions. What's next, putting the asparagus beside the blueberries?

- I have been sending out thank-you cards for years upon receiving gifts or favours, and not once has someone been kind enough to thank me for sending what I think are very nice thank-you cards. A simple card would be nice. What are we, animals?