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Tap. Tap. Tap.

"Who is it?"

"It's me, Dave. Open up, man. I got the stuff."

(Pause).

Bam! Bam! Bam!

"Who is it?"

"It's me, Dave! Open up, man. I think the cops saw me."

"Dave?"

"Yeah, Dave."

"Dave's not here, man."

The knock, the answer, the knock again, the answer again. Like a stoner's version of Abbott & Costello's "Who's on First," the bit from the 1970s called "Dave's not here" became a trademark shtick of what is arguably the funniest comedy team of a generation - Cheech & Chong.

"Dave's not here" also was the turning point in their careers, Tommy Chong said in a telephone interview from his Los Angeles home earlier this year.

"I think that personifies Cheech and Chong," Chong said.

"Annoying the [expletive] out of this guy, that really was the basis of our humor . . . the fact that we have that miscommunication problem that stoners have," Chong said. "That set the tone for the whole career."

And while it might seem like a happy pothead accident, like finding a joint forgotten in the kitchen drawer, it was a thought-out, almost cerebral approach.

But what makes the Cheech & Chong material as funny today as it was 30 years ago is its studied universality. Chong, now 66, said he borrowed from Charlie Chaplin, who made his Little Tramp character such a lovable everyman.

"The Tramp was always [Chaplin's] favorite because you can't get any lower than a homeless tramp. That was the same reality check as Cheech & Chong," the Canadian native said. "The Chicano lowrider and the real hippie: We represented the lowest of the low in America and the world. We don't look down on anybody, so the audience can look at us and go out feeling pretty good."

Chong has to be feeling pretty good about his career prospects nowadays, with guest-starring roles on "That '70s Show" and a new Cheech & Chong movie in the works. But two years ago, a career other than one making license plates might have seemed only a pipe dream - you'll pardon the expression.

Chong was among those caught up in a nationwide investigation of drug-paraphernalia distributors. Chong pleaded guilty to selling bongs - glass water pipes - over the Internet. Judge Arthur J. Schwab rejected Chong's pleas for leniency and sentenced the comedian to nine months in prison, fined him $20,000 and ordered the seizure of more than $100,000 in cash and merchandise.

Prison not too bad,

but it's no cakewalk

But stashing him in the minimum security Taft (Calif.) Correctional Facility, where most of the inmates have been convicted of drug charges, was like throwing Brer Rabbit into the briar patch.

"Everybody took care of me," Chong said. "When I came in there, I was the elite, the big celebrity. So the unwritten leaders of the prison were the first to greet me and invite me into their world. A very select few people are allowed into these cliques."

While it wasn't as much of a cakewalk as he told Jay Leno in a "Tonight Show" show appearance - "Federal prison is hell: There's a two-hour wait for the tennis courts!" - Chong said that no one ever threatened to beat him up just because he was a celebrity.

"Never," Chong said, laughing. "Not even close. I was too loved. They played my movies while I was in jail! And these guys couldn't believe it. They're sitting there with the star of the movie, and the kind of the movie . . . Well, the fact that I'm a big ol' stoner and I'm in there with all these people on drug charges worked to my advantage."

The first inmate he met had been at Taft for 20 years on pot charges. Another was at the tail end of a 15-year term for selling LSD.

"Everybody else's story in there was so sad compared to mine that I was embarrassed to tell people how little time I got and what it was for," he said.

Chong was released in July and insists he no longer smokes pot. He remains on probation. That term lasts till the end of July this year. And it's the reason he missed a scheduled appearance in Cleveland.

The interview with Chong originally was set up to preview a Playhouse Square appearance in "The Marijuana-Logues." But because of his probation restrictions, Cleveland was left saying, "Chong's not here, man."

"You're not allowed to frequent places where any illegal substances are smoked, administered or sold in any way," Chong said. "These big concerts were turning into, well, I could see [the pot smoke]. I did one and realized, 'Oh, man, this is a Tommy Chong smokeout!' "

So the courts put a stop to the "Marijuana-Logues" tour, but oddly enough, he's still allowed to do the show in New York City. "New York is really controlled," Chong said. "I don't come in contact with anybody doing anything illegal."

Sure. New York. A hotbed of propriety. Chong merely guffawed, enjoying the irony.

Sticking with

what he knows

But they haven't put a stop to his creativity.

Chong is just about finished writing the duo's first movie in 30 years. Like George Lucas, he's returned to his roots with a sequel to the 1978 benchmark comedy "Up in Smoke."

The online movie bible, imdb.com, said among the working titles for the new piece are "Grumpy Old Stoners" and "Lord of the Smoke Rings." Chong wouldn't confirm or deny either but did let on a bit about the plot line for the new flick.

"It's like 'Up in Smoke' 30 years later," he said, "only instead of older and wiser, we're older and dumber. At least my character is."

Chong said the plot has him "taking care of my ailing mother, who smokes a ton of pot . . . and Cheech is going through one of his many divorces. He's hiding out from his ex-wife and his creditors, who are trying to take his only possession, his lowrider."

On "That '70s Show," Chong's character Leo recently returned after a hiatus that curiously paralleled his prison stint. He wants castmate Wilmer Valderrama in the new flick. "I'd love to use Kitty [Debra Jo Rupp], too.

"She didn't like me when I first joined the show," Chong said conspiratorially. "She's very territorial. It's all about stage time.

"But she likes me now."

The duo is searching for a director. Running the show himself is not an option for Chong.

"Cheech is kind of adamant he didn't want me directing," Chong said. You can sense the setup.

"He didn't want to be outside that door, going, 'Hey, it's me, man! Let me in!"

Dave's STILL not here. But Tommy Chong is.

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RL in IL

Cheech & Chong represented the worst: the STONER. ..And that's WHY they are so funny.

As I quoted Chong himself saying above, "the audience can look at us and go out feeling pretty good" about their own damn selves.

Not a medical marijuana user, or a pot user, or even specifically being representative of marijuana users. The word he used was STONER, or, one who likes to be stoned, no matter what it is causing the stoned feeling. In the words of Bob Dylan lyrics, "everybody must get stoned" isn't exactly referring to marijuana, either. Just stoned on *something*.

You look at what they do and you're like, damn, you have to be really stupid to do some of those things.

Then it gets so ridiculous, that you think, IF THAT HAPPENED, I WOULD BUST MY sides laughing, just TELLING this story to anyone.