Marijuana.com

Buzzby

Is Your Child Using Drugs?
The Star | 08/27/2006

Addiction is an illness that cuts across all segments of society, regardless of race, affluence and religion. We shed some light on some ways to protect our children from this disease.

You sit alone in your living room, watching every minute go by. Every now and then, the sound of a car moving down the street alerts you and you peer outside the window, waiting anxiously for the front door to open. It is 1am and your teenager is not home.

Finally, two hours later, he walks in. You feel a rush of anger and relief as you approach him. Your heart twists into a tight ball when you realise that his pupils are dilated and his speech is slurred. And then it hits you like a train wreck – your son is a drug user. What do you do?

Possibly the worst nightmare in any parent’s life is when they find out that their child is abusing drugs. From the onset, it is a knowledge that comes with a range of emotions: sadness, regret, shame, denial, anger and pain.

As a parent, it is your duty to protect your child from harm, yet the sheer magnitude of the problem of drug abuse and addiction can render even the most confident parent helpless.

For better or worse, the life decisions we make currently in our lives ultimately affect the future. For instance, one who neglects to learn how to read will be handicapped by his inability to read for the rest of his life until he learns to read. For these reasons teens are at a unique time in their lives (to be able to change), as their drug or alcohol use will ultimately still be in the early stage.

If warning signs indicate that your daughter or son might be using or even experimenting with drugs, it’s time to be proactive.

If you deal with possible drug use head-on, there’s a very good chance your child can be helped. Don’t spend time hiding from the problem. Spend your time helping your child. The faster you act, the faster your child can start to become well again.

Spend some time to learn about the commonly abused drugs, the harmful effects of drugs on a person’s health and welfare, and treatment programmes available in your community.

Knowing where you stand

Think about your personal position on substance use. You may have used alcohol or cigarettes in university and feel like a hypocrite asking your child not to do the same.

But remember that the earlier a child begins using alcohol or drugs, the more likely he will develop a drug or alcohol problem. Furthermore, people who get through the age of 21 without smoking, abusing alcohol or using illegal drugs are virtually certain never to do so.

As a parent, letting your child know you don’t want him to use such substances and telling them your reasons why is perfectly acceptable and responsible. Teens need parents, not more friends.

Knowledge is power

Spend some time to learn about the commonly abused drugs, the harmful effects of drugs on a person’s health and welfare, and treatment programmes available in your community.

The truth is, your child may be pressured into taking drugs without knowing all the facts and you must be prepared to answer questions that he or she might have.

Let your child know you’re concerned

Let’s assume your teenager is using alcohol or drugs. Wait until you child is sober and you are calm enough to have a discussion rather than a confrontation.

Your initial overture to your child should be based on concern, not contempt. Don’t tell him he’s a loser, a waste, or a disgrace. This will only alienate him further.

But do tell him about the changes you’ve noticed in his behaviour and the reasons you’re worried. Use the words “love” and “I care” or “we care”. And make it clear that you’re not prepared to drop the issue until it’s addressed.

If he gets angry and defensive, don’t take it personally. His reaction is intended to minimise the significance of the problem. Don’t cover for him. If he’s in trouble, let him experience the consequences.

Setting clear limits

In no uncertain terms, tell your child you won’t tolerate any further use of alcohol or marijuana. From now on, you’ll expect her to tell you where she’s going, with whom, and when she’ll be home.

You should certainly restrict her privileges on Friday night and Saturday night, which are, I would say, the most likely times she’ll be in a drug- or alcohol-related situation, like a party or informal get-together.

You may also want to make her use her new free time to attend drug or alcohol education classes, or sit in on an AA meeting or group therapy session for drug abusers.

Your child may insist she doesn’t have a problem with drinking and doesn’t deserve to be restricted. This plays right into your hands. You can then ask her to prove she can stay sober or straight by abstaining for a specified time period.

If she honours this contract, her privileges can be restored. If she doesn’t, you’ll have to decide what type of treatment programme is best for her.

Never confront your teenager when she’s drunk or stoned because she won’t be able to engage in a rational discussion. If you press the matter, you’ll probably wind up in a meaningless argument that you’ll regret afterwards.

So please, wait until the morning or afternoon after, when you’ll have a relatively alert, captive, and probably scared audience to discuss consequences.

Of course, when you define the bottom line, there’s always the chance that your teenager will flagrantly disregard your queries. What if your child is adamant that you can’t tell her what to do?

If she refuses to be grounded or abide by rules you impose, ignore her threat. Just assume she hasn’t said this and proceed accordingly. It may be that her protests are all talk – she’s just venting her anger at you, and deep down she does respect your authority.

But if she continues her illicit activity – in effect, daring you to try and stop her – you’ll need to show her you mean business by moving to the next stage of action

Watch and notice their behaviour

If you’re trying to help your teenagers stay away from harmful substances, you’ll need to keep a close watch on their activities.

Let them know that you’ll be doing this. In effect, you’re saying to them, “I can no longer trust your word because you’ve been going behind my back and lying to me, so I’ll need to be more actively involved in your life.”

This means you’ll have to make some sacrifices.

For starters, set curfews. Make sure you’re awake when they get home, and check in with them before they go to bed. This will let you see whether they’re clean and sober. They may not like this, but they’ll get used to it.

Also, check with their friends’ parents to find out what they know. Ask them how your teenager acts in their house. If these parents are also concerned about their own children, get together and plan how to restrict where and how the teens spend their time.

Of course, you should tell your children you’re doing this. The less room they have to manipulate, the better.

Finally, randomly check to find out if they’re where they’ve told you they would be. This might mean checking to see that their car is parked outside the friend’s house where they’re spending the night, or stopping by the movie theatre or restaurant to make sure they’re really there.

This monitoring will really annoy your teenagers, but remind them that their past performance has led to this. Once they’ve regained your trust, you can stop such extensive reconnaissance.

And while you’re checking up on them, be subtle and unobtrusive; they’re already humiliated, so there’s no point in adding insult to injury.

Drug screens

Drug screens are particularly helpful for marijuana smokers. The active ingredient in marijuana, THC, stays in the bloodstream for up to 30 days. It can be detected through a urine test that can be done in a paediatrician’s office or in a local laboratory that runs such tests (you can get a referral from your doctor).

All you need to do is call them and arrange to have your teen’s urine sample taken, and they’ll have the laboratory results back in a few days. Of course, you should inform your child that you’ll be doing a random drug screening test to find out if she’s getting high.

Tell her that you are taking this tough measure as a supportive tool to help her change her behaviour. Explain that drug use can easily become habitual and compulsive. Even if she honestly tries to stop taking drugs, she may relapse several times as she struggles to quit using.

This does not make someone a bad person, and repeated effort pays off. The drug test can show where more effort is needed and will also show her progress. Emphasise that your motivation is caring.

The test will tell the story, and then you can hold her accountable for her actions. In the event that your child refuses to take a drug screen, tell her that you’ll assume she’s using and proceed accordingly.

Searching their rooms

While parents should respect the privacy of their children, there are exceptions to the rule. If you suspect drug or alcohol use, search his room for incriminating evidence because you are so concerned about his safety. If you find any drugs, drug paraphernalia, or empty beer cans or bottles, take action.

This can range from weekend restrictions to requiring him to attend a weekly drug prevention programme. You’ll need to find out the nature and extent of his problem before making this determination.

If you’re still unsure about the extent of his use (and it’s often in question), have a drug counsellor do a thorough evaluation.

Even the smell of the room can tell you something. Maybe he just likes incense and scented candles – there are plenty of teens, especially girls, who do – but it could also cover up a suspicious, drug-related smell. Excessive Lysol spraying is an even clearer giveaway.

And don’t overlook the obvious. If your teen’s room is filled with alcohol and/or marijuana posters, it doesn’t automatically mean he’s using, but it means he has got some level of interest.

Of course, it depends on the nature of the posters too. Big pot leaves, lists of marijuana terms, issues of High Times, and posters of cool drinking games are a bit of a clue that he may be involved with such substances.

If you think something’s up, address it directly. Ask, “Why do you have pictures of pot leaves up in your room?” or “Why is there always incense burning in there?”

Seeking help early

If the drug problem is serious, consider using outside support to help you with his problem. This is a hard step for many parents to take, but you often need the support of others to take a stance against drug abuse. In some cases, the problem may be just too big for you to handle on your own.

Indeed, dealing with a child who is a serious substance abuser is a terrible situation that can make home life a living hell – lies, broken promises, screaming fights, constant worry or even violence – with no apparent way out.

The good news is that help is out there – including drug treatment programmes, counselling, self-help groups, and law enforcement agencies.

Knowing that others are behind you can lighten your burden. There are many other parents who have survived similar situations, and they can be a great comfort as well as an invaluable resource.

Medical evidence now shows that drug addiction is a treatable disease and that patients can regain their lives and go on to become healthy human beings who are free from dependency on substances which reduce them to a shadow of what they are.

Currently, Malaysia has two main brands of addiction treatment, institutionalised treatment and community-based treatment.

As most addicts prefer to be treated in a supportive environment, the response to community-based treatment has been most encouraging. The Federation of Private Medical Practitioners Associations Malaysia (FPMPAM) offers access to its community-treatment programme through its outreach programme, “DrsWhoCare”. Log on to www.no2drugs.org.

They can direct you to more specific help and provide information about further options.

The important thing is to seek help early.

 

TheGnome

I am so glad that the nature of the article changed from "drugs" to specifically marijuana. I mean what every parent needs to know is that marijuana is a terrible drug, and that since it can take 30 days to clear out of your childs system, you have more time to take action.
I mean atleast the teen can then start using other drugs that clean out of there system faster so they can get away with it.
Come on people, lets be proactive and take this issue head on! We do not need this menace around us any longer!

OR! the parents could do the responsible thing, sit down with their child and discuss it. The pros and cons of marijuana use and alcahol. Dont say they cant use it because its "illegal" Do some research and find out what it really is all about. Talk with their kids about how it is not the devil weed that the government makes it to be, but it is a mind altering substance and should not be used till they grow up, and if not, then atleast responsibly and safely so no one can get hurt. This would also be a great time to talk about the other harmful drugs, but not only cocaine, and opiates, but legal perscription drugs that can have detramental effects.

Parents need to listen to their children and talk about it, not go searching their room and sneaking behind their backs. I dont know how but the authors of these articals are amazingly thick. Just as an example, Girl age 17, heavy marijuana smoker, and mother knows and smokes with her daughter. Now any prohibistionist would certenly tell you that this child will in deep trouble with school and outside activitys. But since the bond between the parent and the child is strong emough, the child will listen to the parent. This girl is on Nation Honors Society, and thing very hard to achieve. But what it proves is it is not the marijuana use that can cause failing grades, but it does show that prohibition and strict guidelines based on government properganda does.

Nugget Lover

"If you suspect drug or alcohol use, search his room for incriminating evidence because you are so concerned about his safety."

lol

Sec

I actually like and agree with the article. It speaks mostly about drug and alcohol abuse and addiction. Sure, one small section used marijuana as an example, but if my 14 year old daughter was doing coke or meth, or even drinking alcoholic beverages, I sure as hell would want to know and would search her room to find out.

Most teens lie to thier parents in one way or another. It is just good parenting to stay involved in your kid's lives and know what your child is doing.

The example of the posters depicting pot leaves is a good example because it is totally plausible. Most kids are not stupid enough to display a poster showing a burned light bulb shell used for smoking meth or a couple of needles and large rubberband with words saying how cool it is to shoot up herion. Marijuana leaves on a poster are a sign of protest and considered "cool".

The gist of the article: Many of you will probably disagree with me, but teenagers do need supervision.

If your teenaged boy has a gambling problem and is hanging around with the resident bookie and all his thugs, would you try to interfere any way possible?
If your teenaged girl is doing porn, and hanging around with a bunch of porn distributors, wouldn't you want to know and interfere?
If your 15 year old is doing crack, would you want to know and interfere?

When I read an article like this, I look at it in its entirety. I don't just see the word "marijuana" and apply all statements to that drug alone.

This is showing your teen that there are consequences of each decision he/she has made, whether that decision was to use alcohol, hard drugs or pot. Also, if you are like me, and don't think that teens (under 18) need to be using marijuana, hard drugs, alcohol, porn, gambling, whatever, the points the article makes about talking to your teen and finding out what they are up to are very valid.

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shmoe

Because anyone coming in after 1am must have been out using drugs.
Kids, simple way to avoid suspicious parents, SMOKE AT LUNCH!
I'm quite happy that my parents have been pretty slack with my upbringing. They never really pushed rules down my throat so i never broke them. As such I didn't start drinking (and i mean getting drunk with my mates) til i was about 16/17 (quite late for a person in England). And I first tried weed in January (I was 18 at the time, now 19).
I feel sorry for anyone whose parents take this article seriously. My mum once asked me if i'd ever smoked weed (I think i was 15/16 at the time) and she was shocked when i said no. I know she frowns upon marijuana and of course all currently illegal drugs (though i'm sure she's tried it in her youth) but, as much as I know she'd be really angry if she found out i smoked weed (which i don't really, i've just tried it a couple of times, can't afford it ), I think she'd rather just not know. She's never pried into my lives or that of my sisters when it comes to matters of sex, drugs and alcohol, so we've never felt the need to go behind her back about it.
I feel that this is the best approach really, if you dn't give kids a reason to rebel, then they won't.
Bare in mind this is my opinion and not necessarily correct.

 

Sec

So... you are saying if your mom never gives you rules, you will never break the rules. Gotta love that logic.

Your opinion is always correct for you at the time you write it. Same as my opinion. It just might not agree with everyone or anyone elses opinion. Doesn't make it wrong.

shmoe

Ok, i may have been stretching it a little with that rule logic, but what I'm trying to say (I'm not very good at putting points across) is that my mum was never really that strict. When a parent gives rules and sets boundaries a child will test those boundaries and look for a hole. Kids I knew with strict, overbearing parents were usually the rule breakers, the naughty kids.

1tokeovertheline

Good example of lax rules working for you. You can't even post a reply on a forum without lying. Yup!!!!! that is what adults call stretching the truth. Lying. I guess that would make you a "naughty" kid too. So much for your opinion on that one. Just my opinion by the way.

My kids were raised with rules and boundaries and of course it is human nature to test the limits. Even adults sometimes test the limits, but at least they knew and still know that in the "real world" there are rules. Both kids are grown and left and one has a son of his own. Even now they know that it doesn't matter how old they are, some things aren't acceptable in my house. The reason being that it is MY house. They can do what they want in there house. They were both good kids and didn't cause any problems. Even the neighbor kids that came to play were aware of the rules at our house. People even there parents couldn't believe how well behaved the "terrible neighbor kids" acted at our house. So in my opinion rules work. Don't get me wrong everyone old or young screw up sometimes. The difference is knowing right from wrong.

I am done. Sorry to be so long winded. I know it wasn't a lot to do with the article posted by Buzzby. Just an answer to lax rules to a truth stretcher without many rules.

PS
It's not prying into your lives by teaching right from wrong and taking interest in what you do. It's called raising your children and being a parent.

walstmonky

The first time I smoked my sole motivation was because I knew it would piss off my parents. Little did I know....