Belladom

This joke fills me with a very deep existential terror

cemetery girl

Reminds me of that Skittles commercial.
"Dude, what if this rainbow isn't real. And it's just a figment of ou-" *falls*

__________________
"It's okay to eat fish
cause they don't have any feelings."

Perplexed Pixie

HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she
Opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman sitting in a wheel chair.
He
Had no arms or legs. "You're not really asking me to consider you, are
You> ?" the widow said. "Just look at you! You have no legs!"

The old gentleman smiled, "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"

"You! Don't have any arms either!" she snorted.

Again, the old man smiled, "Therefore, I can never beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still good in bed??"

The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, "I rang the door
Bell, didn't I?"

The wedding is scheduled for Saturday...

__________________

LuCkY_B

Im not to good at this. -

2 guys sitting at a sky bar on the 24th floor of a building. After a few drink one guy walks to the sliding door and out onto the balcony. He calls to the other guy
"He man come out here, I wanna show ya something". The other guy follows him out there.
"yeah?"
"If you jump off this balcony the updraft when you hit the 13th floor will send you right back to this spot", he points to where hes standing.
"HA!, im not crazy"
"Ok watch Ill do it" He hands his drink to the other guy and steps off the balcony plummeting to the ground, 19th floor, 18th floor, 15th, 13th..... then he starts coming back up... and lands where he was before
"OH MY GOD THATS AMAZING" he hands the man his drink back.
"Yeah man you should try it, its great"
"I dont think so, It cant be safe..."
"Oh c'mon man its easy nothing to it, just jump"
"Nothin to it eh... well I dunno"
"Watch" He hands the man his drink again and jumps off.. 18 floor, 17th floor, 14th, 13th, and starts coming back up and lands in the same spot. "C'mon give it a try, its great"
"Oh Fine what the hell" he hands the other guy back his drink and tells him to hold his. He jumps. 19th floor, 16th floor, 15th floor, 12th.....8th....2nd....Floor....dead..
The other slides open the door and sits down chuckling to himself, the bartender approaches him and says "Ya know Superman, your pretty mean when your drunk"

PeacePipe

what goes " clop clop clop bang bang clop clop"?



an amish drive-by


why do gorillas have big nostrils?


they have big fingers.


why dont blind people like to sky-dive?



scares the sh*t out of there dogs..


i know there lame...

Daniel

I accidently ran into this while doing a search on the "Net":

A certain college professor was notorious for getting offthe topic of the lecture, and on to his favorite subject:the evils of marijuana.Off he went one day into his inventory of horrors:"Used regularly, pot can cause psychic disorientation,sterility, cancer and castration!""Now wait a minute, Professor," interrupted a student."Castration?!? That's absurd!""No young man, it's sadly true," replied the Teacher smugly."Just suppose your girlfriend gets the munchies!"

legaliseit

Two blondes on a bridge are fighting over the name of a river.

BLONDE1: It's the nile going under this bridge..

BLONDE2: No it's not, it's the missisipi..

BLONDE1: Well then i'll jump off and go look!..

BLONDE2: fine..

So the blonde jumps off and about an hour later returns, bruised and broken.

BLONDE2: So?? What was it? the nile??

BLONDE1: nope..

BLONDE2: so it was the missisipi??

BLONDE1: nope..

BLONDE2: then what is it????

BLONDE1: it is the freeway

__________________

Lyte it up 420

Why did the condom fly?















It was pissed off.

__________________
Every living creature on earth dies alone.

Lyte it up 420

Did you hear about the blonde who died of starvation watching a drive in movie?












It was called closed for spring break.

Lyte it up 420

John Ashcroft, Janet Reno and George Bush are all stranded on a desert island, with the only way to get to populated land being 50 miles away.

John decided to try and swim for it, made it 10 miles then drowned.

Janet was the next to try, made it 20 miles and then drowned.

George then tried, made it 25 miles out, got tired and swam back.

*** *** **

Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees George Bush whooping and hollering.
"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.

"Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.

"How long did it take you?"

"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"

*** *** ***

A Dell employee got busted for pot in Manhattan recently. President Bush and many conservative lawmakers are surprisingly upset, as they have always pushed the view that marijuanna is a Gateway drug.