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TheCleric

OK lets all be on our best behavior and not post any jokes that we know will ensure the rath of Panama or one of the other mods ( and i mean that in the nicest way ) But does anyone know a good joke/pun?

Here goes.

A guy saw in the paper a pun contest, each person gets 10 entries and the winner gets 100 bucks. So the guy sends in his 10 best puns in a hope to get some extra cash. He checks the paper in the next week to see if his puns won but sadly no pun-in-ten-did.

HAHAHA isnt that great?

Heres another a fish runs into a concrete wall, the fish says dam.

hehe yeah ok now its you guys'es turn.

Cleric

 

bENJI

Why did the Jewish guy want to become a Rabbi?
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Well, he knew that the pay was lousy...
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...but he could keep the tips.

(I know, its painful... I love bad jokes though)

pothead

Ahh, I love jokes. Here's one:

A kid and his dad are in the drug store and the little kid who isn't more than 6 saw the condoms and noticed the two pack of condoms. He asked his dad:
"Daddy what are those for?"
"Those are for highschool kids, one for friday and one for saturday"

After this the kid notices a three pack of condoms. He asks his dad:

"Daddy what are those for?"
"Thos are for college students, one for friday, saturday, and sunday."

Then the kid turns his attention to the 12 pack. He asks:

"Daddy what are those for?"
"Those are for married couples, one for January, one for Febuary, one for march. . . "

I have the best one on here!!

Abracadabra

what do you do when the dishwasher breaks?




















you slap her!

RIP JMorrison

A guy walks into a bar and says "Ouch!".






hahaha I like the dishwasher one.

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There are things known and there are things unknown and in between are the Doors - Jim Morrison

9-11-01

 

TheCleric

a priest a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar the bartender says what is this some kind of joke?


What did the duck say to the other duck?

How should i know im human i dont speak duck.



Two goldfishes are sitting in a bowl near a heater.
One gold fish looks at the other one and says boy it sure is hot in here isnt it?
The other gold fish screams OHHH MY GOD A TALKING GOLDFISH!!!!

And finally,

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says why the long face. Get it cause horses have long faces..

Allright im done i swear!

Cleric

Daniel

A piece of rope walks into a bar sits down and orders a beer. The bartender looks at him and says that they don't serve ropes in the bar.

The poor piece of rope walks out the bar, ties a knot in himself and starts pulling at the cords that makes him a rope.

After a while, the rope walks back into the bar and orders another drink.

The bartender yells at him "Aren't you that rope that I told to get out earlier?"

"Nope, I'm a fraid knot"

Jack_Torrance

whats brown and sticky?

























a stick.

Randøm_

the federal government's drug policies ...now that's a joke!

A guy walks into an antique shop & sees an ugly statue of a rat. Strangely, he is attracted to the statue, at least enough to purchase it. He walks out the store and notices a few rats following him. He starts to run, then looks back & sees a couple hundred rats behind him. Frantically, he makes his way to the riverside as soon as possible ... by this time there are thousands of rats hot on his heels. He throws the statue into the river and all the rats follow it and consequently drown.
The guy then goes back to the store, and the salesperson looks at him and asks "are you here to return the statue?" ...the guy answers "nope, I was just wondering if you have any statues of DEA agents around".


(originally the punch line said "attorney" ... but I just couldn't help altering it a tad ).

bo-battie

A wealthy man is driving home in his Mercedes after a long day of fishing; covered in fish guts and looking rather shabby with his catch sitting in the seat next to him. He can't wait to get home and take a shower, so he sees no harm in speeding a little bit. Just as he is crossing a bridge, he sees a cop's flashing lights in his rearview, so he pulls over. The cop gets out of his car and stomps angrily up to the window, radar gun in hand.
"Are you aware of the speed limit here, son?"
"Um, I believe it's 50 km/h," the man replies.
"Do you know how fast you were going over the speed limt, son?" the cop asks.
"Maybe 4 or 5 kilo-"
"10 KILOMETERS OVER THE SPEED LIMIT, SON!! YOU WERE GOING 60 KILOMETERS AN HOUR!!" With this, the cop gives the man a good look up and down.
"How does a smelly bum like you afford a car like this?" he asks.
"Well, officer, I'm an asshole stretcher." the man replies.
"What the hell does an asshole stretcher do??" interjects the pig.
"Well, I take someone's asshole and stretch it out REALLY far until it's about 6 feet across." the man says proudly. With this, the cop makes a confused face and yells, "Just what the HELL would someone do with a 6 FOOT ASSHOLE?!?!?"
To this, the annoyed man says, "Well, i guess you give it a radar gun and stick it on the end of a bridge."

This joke isn't as much meant to be funny as it is to diss out cops.

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former cannabis analyst

"just because i stand above you doesn't mean you understand me"
--qwel