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Suetaz

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking
like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp. "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender. "Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy. "That little ****, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand." "That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it." "Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?" "That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's
breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
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An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is
driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car
is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been? "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a
minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
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Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim
Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin'to tell ya." "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome Tim, but where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. "There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..." "Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me..""I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry." Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true,Tim. "Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, no Brenda... no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."
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Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?" She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night." The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?" She says, "That he did, Father.. " The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'

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AND THE BEST FOR LAST.
A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk just sits there. Finaly, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either.

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WNB

Heh heh...funny stuff...

In other news, I'm both Irish and drunk...coincidence?

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War is Peace
Freedom is Slavery
Ignorance is Strength

Suetaz

Irish, drunk and stoned, WNB? If it were morning I would definitely assume so. What about the Irish and weed? The Irish have always had the well earned reputation of drinking, but do many Irish favor weed, that you know of? It is GREEN!

MickityMike

Erin go braugh, *****es!

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I'd be delighted to live in a country where happily married gay couples had closets full of assault weapons. - Glenn Reynolds