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Plainsman1963

A lady was flying down the highway when she passed over a bridge and in her rear view mirror saw a police car pull out from underneath the bridge where he had been sitting.

As the cherries started to flash, she pulled over and waited for the officer to approach her car.

The cop leaned down into her window and with that smirk so many have asked "I have you clocked on my radar gun going 6 mph over the speed limit".
"Where are you going in such a hurry, little lady?".

She answered, "I am heading to work".

Officer: "And what is it you do"?

Lady: "I'm a rectum stretcher".

Officer (with a baffled look on his face): "Rectum stretcher"? "What the heck is a rectum stretcher"?

Lady: "Well, you see...I slowly and gently insert one finger into the rectum..Then two...Three..Four, until I have my entire hand in. Than I carefully wiggle my hand back and forth until I can place my other hand beside it".
"Then I streeeetch my hands apart until the rectum is about 6 feet wide".

Officer: "And what do you do with a 6 foot asshole"?

Lady: "Give him a radar gun and park him under a bridge".

Speeding ticket: $120.00
Court Costs: $40.00
Look on the Cops face: Priceless

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"America is at that awkward stage. It's too late to work within the system, but too early to shoot the bastards." - Claire Wolfe

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volcomstoner

Thats hella funny. I laughed. Hard.

I have one.

So this guy gets pulled over and he's sitting in his car waiting for the officer to approach.
Officer: Good afternoon sir, were you aware that you were speeding in a 25?
Guy:Ummm sorry, just in a rush to get home.
Officer: Okay, can I please get your liscence and registration please?
Guy: Okay, but there is a gun in my glove compartment.
(Officer gives him a "look"): Is there anything else that I should know about?
Guy: Well there is a body in the trunk, but you don't have to notice that.

So the officer starts calling for back up and once they are all surrounded him they ask to see his gun and show them the body.

The guy plays dumb: What? I don't have a gun, and there is definitly no body in the trunk of my car.

The cops search his car in and out and are completely confused and bewildered. So seeing as how he didn't have anything in the car they just said have a nice day?

Just a good way to get out of a speeding ticket.

(I read this joke in spanish... so I got it translated for me, I dunno it's hella funny though)

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king cola

Volcomstoner your definatly on the right track with the joke, it was close enough but you left out a little. I heard this one before, what happens is after the guy says he has this and that in his car, the cop then calls for backup and it's the supervisor or seargent that shows up to assist. Before this happens when the cop has asked for the license, he says he doesn't have one, then asked for the registration says he doesn't have it either and says the car is stolen. Then he mentions about a gun in the glove compartment and that he shot the owner of the car and put the body in the trunk.

Finally when the cop calls for backup the supervisor starts askin questions about the license, the man then takes out his license and registration, then the supervisor asks to open the glove compartment, no gun in there, then he says, ok may we look in the trunk, no body. He says i don't understand it, the officer told me you had no license or registration, the cars stolen, you have a gun in your glove compartment and a body in the trunk, then the man replies, yea and i bet the lyin son of a bitch told you i was speeding too!

volcomstoner

Yeah thats exactly it. Sorry. I guess people shouldn't tell jokes without knowing the whole of it.

drOnly

damn plainsman that joke just gave me a bad mental picture