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Taiyed

I've been posting in the Art and Photography section, but I realize not everyone looks in there, and after all this is an introduction at its core. Please take the time to read if you think you're up to it. This is me and I ain't afraid to say it. Check the art forum if you like what you see. Thanks.


Before I say what I’m about to say, it’s important you know that I recognize how easily this can come off as a silly Maxim/GQ type interview. I will never admit to buying them, but trust me I’ve read them, and I’m beginning to understand more than ever that what most ‘made’ men have to say is often the truth. This is not arrogance I’m spouting, this is confidence. It is stupid to live any other way. I’ve been a cynical asshole my entire life, and believe me when I look at myself and my own words I’m half-tempted to say “wow, what a d-bag,” but I soon remind myself who I am and anyone who can’t understand that is just fucking jealous. Seriously, we need to get over ourselves as human beings and just love one another. Cheesy to say, difficult to understand, almost impossible to live; but it’s the truth. If these words make you hate me, you should know that jealousy rarely comes without strings attached and the sooner you recognize everything you say and do that isn’t true and you know it, is a mere result of your own insecurities. I’m me and you’re you, if you’re jealous you fuckin’ should be. People say this type of thing all the time, but you need to force yourself to understand them. Let the words sink in.

Now, before I go any further, I absolutely must ask that you trust me. I am tired of explaining my ideas to people who do not understand them. Fact is, you will never understand my ideas to the extent I do and I would rather manifest them to the extent which I am able, instead of trying to spell it out for you. There’s a few of you out there who have a better idea than others, and trust me, we know who you are, but I take pride in the fact that nobody else can see what I see. This goes without mentioning the fascination I hold for what other people can see. More importantly, there is enough doubt in this world about me from the powers that be; the last place I need it from is the people who know me or want to know me. Those that think they know me, take a hike.

With that said, let me explain a little about myself. I’ve been an artist and media enthusiast my entire life. I spent the better part of the past two years at the University of Washington here in Seattle and absolutely hated it. There’s been some good times, and some bad no doubt – but there’s some hot shot professors and assistants there who deserve a healthy helping of “fuck you.” It’s my own fault for believing I could take directions from some tool who needs to be told what to do, but that doesn’t change the way I feel. Ultimately, I’m grateful to UW for helping me realize I’m no ground soldier as much as I seemed to think I could be. These are the words of a leader, remember that.

After realizing what was going on, I quickly began to explore other options. I have found what I’m looking for at the Art Institute of Seattle. AI schools catch a real bad rap within the artistic community, Seattle and Portland’s to a lesser extent, but I’m going to do whatever I can to change that. The people I’ve met there so far truly want to help me, and I appreciate that I no longer have to impress people. I am impressive, how I forgot that is a complete mystery. I start class on July 9th, but my real education began a few months ago.

I am just now starting to take serious control over my artistic path. I know now, more than ever, what I need to be comfortable with my life. Money. Anyone who says otherwise is kidding themselves. No, it’s not so I can buy a Porsche and a PS3, it’s because I know how money is the root of all systems of control on this earth, as sad as that may be, and I know that I never want something like that to limit what I am able to do while I am here. Beyond that, I want to be able to give back to those that have already done so much for me; so much of my life has been spent receiving things that I didn’t deserve and I am ready to prove I was worth it. They provided stability for me when I needed it, now I want to be a stone for them. Furthermore, I will buy a Porsche and a PS3 – like the rest of America, I’m an entertainment junky; I work hard at what I do, I’m going to have my cake and eat it, too. That doesn’t mean I won’t make my best effort to give back to those who need it most.

Bottom line is, these are some pretty bold things to say, but I’m comfortable enough in my view of the world and ability to discipline myself to say them with the utmost confidence. This isn’t about being famous per se, but I recognize that to succeed in art you need to be noticed and fame is the quick and easy way to that; the tricky part is getting there, but I’m learning what it takes.

There is no question that I have a long way to go – I recognize there are millions of artists on this world that I do not even compare to, but I do know one thing: none of them are the same as me and that is my biggest advantage. Let me remind you, what you see of me here and on nocturnaloj.com is merely one aspect of who I am and what I am capable of doing. I take everything that needs to be taken seriously, seriously. There is nothing more serious to me than my own opinion of myself. I’ve spent a good part of my life feeling inadequate because people didn’t want me to set my expectations too high. Those people are a bunch of pussies, but they’ve made me who I am. Nothing will improve me more than my desire to impress and ultimately help those around me. I want to be an inspiration to you because you inspire me. Let’s help each other.

I mean that. More than ever, I need help. If you read this and like what you see, I will be forever grateful if you help me; I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make sure you know that. I’m an active learner and pick things up very quickly; I believe I simply need to meet the right people to land myself in the right environment to accomplish some truly amazing things. If this essay and/or my work inclines you to believe that in even the slightest way, please do not hesitate to contact me. I admit I’m currently very busy with my own projects, so if it takes me a while to get back to you I promise it’s not personal and I will be in touch with you.

At the same time, please don’t play games with me. I’m laying my cards on the table and I expect the same from anyone who wants to work with me. I don’t want to waste your time and I sure as hell don’t want you to waste mine. Tell me what you want in exchange for providing me with what I need; it’s as simple as that. I’ve got nothing to prove; I’m here, I’m driven, just show me the way. Do not doubt me and we will not have any problems, I mean that.

If you made it this far and think we should hook up, shoot me a private message and we’ll go from there. I thank you for looking either way.

P.S. Ladies I’m 20 years old, single, and as lonely as the next guy; I want to avoid getting burnt out, but I really don’t have much time on my hands. If this sounds like you, I’m sure we can find a happy medium of give and take. Fellas, if your name ain’t Nick, SA, Tim, P-Nut, or Chad I’m probably not interested. If you don’t understand that, I feel sorry for you.

 

greenstar

putting yourself out there like that is pretty admirable.

interesting introduction for sure.


welcome!

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GreenStar.

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Taiyed

More and more I'm realizing how to come to terms with myself, understanding what I do and how it effects me.

I realize how much of this comes off as delusional douchebaggery, trust me. Anyone who knows me, knows it ain't true. Believe in me, or don't, but I promise that if you do, I will not let you down. I'm very insecure, if you couldn't tell, but I'm workin' on it.

Any objections you might have with my style, I recommend reading this thread:
http://forums.nasioc.com/forums/show....php?t=1298581

More than anything, this is about me becoming confident enough in my own work to have no doubts about succeeding in the real world. It's taken me some time, but important you all know the 420 lounge has helped me with that. I'm afraid of criticism, I like to be liked - these forums have gone a long way in reassuring me I'm not such a bad guy, I want to prove it to the world.

TMG

I don't think I'm quite understanding everything.....

You sound as if we've been already doubting your abilities or something lol?! have people been acting jealous to you here? If so, that sucks and I'm sorry. Most of us are very nice, down to earth, and honest people- so no worries!

Well welcome *officially* to the lounge!

Taiyed

I've had a lot of self doubt for a very long time; I feel like helping prove to others I'm not a joke will help me prove it to myself. I have high expectations, and I'm proud of it. I know you guys never doubted me, that's part of the reason I always blogged my work here and a few other select places. But now I'm getting myself out on several different forums to learn precisely how to market myself. I need to learn how people truly view what I say in order to decide what I want to do to be successful.

I'm not kidding myself about it, this is all about me, but whether or not you can appreciate it; I appreciate you - if for nothing else, for reading this thread and looking at my picture. Reading the link I posted and keeping an eye on http://thead.deviantart.com will help you truly understand who I am, who I'm trying to be, and what I'm willing to do about it.

I realize making promises doesn't help anyone who doesn't know me. But those who do know I'm not kidding. I'm done second guessing myself and I must be able to rely on my instincts 100% of the time. Right now, this is about exposure. I need help, now more than ever. Good art work is soon to follow.

 

Taiyed

One final reminder before I go to bed; It has been a long and truly exciting day, I've learned a lot about myself and am more and more finding how I'm going to get out to the world. These forums and blogs are merely an experiment, I need to figure this sh it out.

IF ANYTHING I SAY BOTHERS YOU, TELL ME. BELIEVE ME I AM LISTENING.

By the same token, I don't back down from my opinion easily - I've spent a lot of time thinking about things and do my best to look at them objectively before deciding on the "right" thing to do.

If you like what I have to say, please let me know that to. I don't doubt myself anymore, but it doesn't hurt to have others remind me of that. I'm going to return the favor, if with nothing else through my artwork. Thank you guys, love all around; stoners got a bad rap, but we all know how cool we are. We only become statistics if we let ourselves. Fuck that shit.

David

Perplexed Pixie

Taiyed, You ROCK! And alot of us here already respect you and you wonderful art. Last year you won the Best Artist for the Lounge Awards
and I dont even need to go look at the thread because I remember
We love ya and be sure to keep us updated!

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Taiyed

I love to hear that Pixie, thank you. Thank you thank you thank you.


Give things time and they really start to sink in. I've completely missed the point with all this shit. Verbalizing my own insecurities has helped to realize it.

I'm done talking about myself. My next post will be artwork, that's it. I'll leave my words up in hopes that you can find some sort of understanding in it.

Thanks, and I apologize for the verbal diarrhea. I know you don't need to care about this shit for me to, just took me a while to realize it.

Hashishi

Without wanting to jump on the ego-train (), it was wonderfully written and I appreciate it for that.

Not sure what you're expecting, here. Casting lines isn't a bad idea, though - just be sure to have a nut-sieve handy if you're gonna reel anybody in!

Best of luck to you, sir!

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SWP



"I'm not into this detail stuff. I'm more concepty." -- "If I know the answer I'll tell you the answer, and if I don't, I'll just respond, cleverly." -- "Secretary Powell and I agree on every single issue that has ever been before this administration except for those instances where Colin's still learning." -- "As we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns: the ones we don't know we don't know."

Taiyed

Stoners can appreciate this quote better than anyone, I think.

I am a happy guy, I wasn’t so long ago – my friends know why; these guys on the internet are 90% BS. I just need the smart guys to respect me, the stupid people to think they’re in control, and the really smart guys to not say anything. What people say to me helps me to find the true meaning behind everything I do, which ultimately helps me manipulate those people who think they’re over themselves, but really aren’t.



My ish is on the level, man. More than ever.

David