Herbania

So this is a bit of a rant, but I was wondering if anyone using medically shares the same problems. I smoke for chronic pain, nausea,sleep and spasms. I would appreciate any responses from people in the same boat or who have solved it by growing. Pot helps me space off my pain and I don't go into spasms if I've smoked. It also helps me sleep through my pain and eat regularly(without bud i am nauseated most the day). So , since I'm in an illegal med state and buying from a dealer, I'm dry again.Since I have THC in my system, I can't go to my pain doctor for any pain meds, they all test now for weed when you ask for pain meds. Most of the summer the only stuff I could get is lower end mids, they work for the spasms and sleep, but not so well for pain and nausea. Now i can't even get that right now. I'm only a few days without now, but after about a week the shit will hit the fan and I'll have all my wonderful symptoms at full force. I think I'm trying to talk myself into growing my own. So here's a short list of the problems I face. I'm wondering if anyone else is having the same problems. Aside from the legal issues...
1. Lack of reliability. I'm buying from a biker guy, he's actually a pretty scary fellow, but that's not the problem. He's often out of town, or out of bud. My only other connection is even more unreliable. I try to be ahead of the game and start calling him for my next bag a week before i run out. This doesn't work all the time. A big problem for me. I'm 42 and have made several attempts to make other connections at bars or the beach. I guess i don't "look " like a stoner to much and have even been called a narc by someguy just because of how I look.For some reason people tend to think I'm a cop or military even though my hair is pretty long now. I usually point out no one who walks with a cane would be a cop and show them my atrophied leg, then they think I'm a wounded cop..blah blah...
2. Lack of consistent quality and price. Well, i need to face the fact mids just don't do the trick. When i was a casino executive, I was making the money to afford the 400 buck an ounce stuff. Now I'm on disability I can only afford the weaker stuff most the time and have to make it last. This doesn't work well at all. Unlike recreational users, high tolerance works better for me. I DON"T WANT TO GET HIGH. I'm not searching for the buzz, i need relief and the buzz isn't that important. The high actually has little to do with it. I want to reach stoned, like when I was smoking the real chronic daily all those years ago.
Between 1 and 2, my tolerance goes up and down. When I'm high I have a hard time getting things done and doing quality work in the few classes I'm taking. When my tolerance is high I get more done and do better work. With this being out of bud a few times a month, the first few days when I score bud I'm useless because I'm so high. I won't drive high, but I will drive stoned, so those days I'm green again also keep me from going out. If things go well and I'm getting higher end mids, at least I don't suffer that much. Occasionally I can score the good stuff, but I would blow my whole monthly allowance for bud on just a week or more worth of good bud, so i go for the mids. They may not work as well, but at least it lasts me usually.
I think I've got to the point were my only real option is to grow. I manage to kill my tomato and pepper plants all the time so I've been reluctant to invest in a grow system then kill a bunch of plants. It doesn't look like I'm going to score anytime soon, so I'm thinking of putting this money into some lights. I have no intention of selling at all, just want to grow enough for my needs, 2 oz a month should do it, if i vaporize maybe 1 1/2). Thing is the penalties in this state are VERY severe for growing. Unlike earlier in my life, I can't afford a good lawyer now, and doing time would probably end up killing me. I have some seeds I got from a seed bank a few months ago and a walk in closet I could set up a cabinet in. of course, as soon as i spend the money to start, I know i'll get a call from my dealer...If I spend the money, it means no buds until next month. I'm not looking forward to that.
So, weighing everything, I think growing is really my only choice. This up and down tolerance and inconsistent dealer problem is hindering me from moving forward in my life.
Before anyone says "move to California" please read the post. I'm on disability, living in Florida is cheap as hell so I live fairly well here, I couldn't afford to live anywhere in Cal on my income. Hopefully after i get my degree i can find something i could make some decent money and move to a more tolerant state. Ever notice the states that have legal medical marijuana laws are some of the most expensive states to live in?

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Fighting fire with empty words While the banks get fat
And the poor stay poor And the rich get rich
And the cops get paid To look away
As the one percent rules America
-Queensryche