soar2thaclouds

Hi,

First of all, thanks for all the people that have responded to my questions in the past. I really think you guys are great, and have a lot of insight. I'm glad there are people out there that care.

About a few months ago or so, I decided to give my psychiatrist a shot at helping me out with my depression, and I was put on Paxil. At this time, I realized that marijuana might also really help, if used wisely and with a vaporizer.

The paxil was helping me in life, my depression lifted, but I still didn't feel alive. I guess I was happy with this type of mood when I took paxil b4, but now I realize that I can feel better then this, and I can feel normal.

I began experimenting with marijuana. I got a vaporizer, and experimented with different amounts, with a few different types of weed.

I realized that if I smoke a pretty decent amount, like probably the amount of thc in a bowl or so, I get a good antidepressant effect that last for about 2 days. If I would smoke Sunday night, then that night and the next day I didn't feel depressed at all, or even anxious (with the right strain). But the 2nd day, i felt the effects start to wear off.

Next, I tried using probably half that amount, and sure enough I felt good for almost all of the next day, except my "depression" and all the symptoms I have would start to slowly reappear at the end of the night. At this point I would vaporizer again. This method I used for the last week and a half, and has worked pretty well. I still need to experiment with strains.

However, just recently, as of today, I've begun taking super small hits, just to feel normal. It usually lasts like 3 hours or something, with the really small amount I use.

Here is the whole reason I'm doing this, and where I would like advice/help. The reason I like taking super small hits, or even half the normal dosage, is that it doesn't get me as "high". Its not that I don't like the high that much or anything, its just I like to feel normal even more.

I don't know what to do, its like this plant helps me so much, and its illegal. I feel alone in this battle sometimes, and even though I'm pretty smart and responsible, the thought comes into my head sometimes that I shouldn't be doing this. I wish I could at least have a doctor that would prescribe it, just to feel more comfortable.

I'm trying to go to med school in a few years most likely, so maybe I'm being put in this situation to help others like me, but still its hard feeling like your on the forefront of something, and there's not to many people that would support you, because they're blinded by the stupid instilled beliefs that marijuana is an evil weed. Its really sad sometimes, cuz I'm a really nice guy, and have a good heart. I only say this because its tough sometimes to think that people wouldn't like me just because of marijuana, something that helps me.

Sorry for venting and all, I just really needed to say this to people that would understand. What do u guys think of all this?

Yours,
soar