Ken

hi all im new to the threads ive bean reading some posts and have to say im glad im not all alone with my problems im 18 marijuana has bean a part of my life since i can remember i live in a rural area surrounded by crop fields which my uncle used to grow Huge bud trees in,his son,my cousin which is 6yrs older than me initially turned me on to the plant i cant even remember how young i was id say if i had to guess no younger than 7 my parents caught me with some of the plant id say about a year maybe longer(at this time i didnt smoke much at all) after i initially tried it.me and my cousin were no longer allowed to associate for a long time and i was punished and i stopped smoking..so time continued to press on i could of not bean a more normal kid,about 6th grade i started smoking again i still wasnt associating with my cousin so dont ask me how i got the erbs i cant remember but i started to smoke again but for some reason it was different this time i was straight getting stoned! laughing and loving it i immediatly fell in love i continued to smoke more and more i found myself getting high because i was "bored"(the town i live in there is nothing i dont even want to get into it its a whole nother story in itself.)so a few years later in 9nth grade i didnt notice then but now i do i started smoking alot almost everyday if not everyday by the time i was in tenth grade i was smoking erbs everyday i dropped out of school to do homeschool (i did not want to attend a f rated school thats 88% african american and 10% latino..being german italian believe me it wasnt a picnic)i managed to get to 12th grade but never finished the plant was always a way to have a good time to kick back think about how my life was heading and what i was gonna do with myself and hanging with my sparce friends gettn high it was all good.We all have personal problems so i wasnt too worried the begginning of 2004 i was getting high everday more than once in the morning as soon as i woke up and before i went to bed i think i was doing this before 2004 but 2004 is the most memorable year because im now having problems i look back on this summer i bought alot of erb its all gone now and i think to myself i wasted that erb if i hit the blunt and a lil smoke gets away its like im high but not satisfiable like im fiendin because i lost some crack smoke its pathetic so i started smokin out the glass bowl i made a top for it to place over it after i hit it so no smoke gets away even if a lil comes out the side ill trip (ive read a few crazy storys on here so im going all out) so for some reason now i cant get high right no matter how much i smoke i also noticed i was masturbating alot at least twice a day but only after i would smoke sometimes in the morning when i woke up before i got high and i started doing nervous habits like when i set something down or place something it has to be set down or placed exactly right kind of like people who always wash theyre hands because theyre not clean enuff i had nervous habits like that when i was a kid also but i figured i grew out of them and i did but now its like its all back again and smoking just isnt fun or satisfying anymore with these nervous habits another thing i do is when i do a nervous habit especially like if i get done smoking chill a lil bit then eat something i will masturbate its like i have no willpower and cant stop myself and i think to myself why do i do that crap wtf wtf wtf why do i do that and my brain just repeats why do i do that wtf and ive also had panic and nervous attacks while im grieving on why i cant stop myself from masturbating or having nervous problems like if i talk to people i think way to hard about what i said i even repeat it out loud sometimes and sometimes have to reapeat what i said in a different way or the same way just to clarify the person im talking to understood me im all ****ed up i dont know what to do but quit but when i think about quitting i say i cant believe i let myself get this way how can i quit when im having to quit on a bad note i guess i would never quit if i was still normal so i have to quit on a bad note but its very hard im addicted to erbs and tobacco i dont smoke cigs or anything just blunts and its hard to quit but i have to but my main concern is the heavy amount that ive smoked at such a young age before puberty up until now that im 18 has this had effects on my body my growth my testosteron my mind growth my memory and my reproductive system being able to have children. but really none of these problems started to happen until this year maybe some last year but i dont really think so and i was still smoking heavy back then i guess my body has just had enuff i do not know im ashamed to ask my mother or father to take me to the doctor to get checked out im 18 is there anyway i could go somewhere alone? well thats my problems my mind is ****ed atm i wish i knew then when i started what i know now i kind of think its better i learned this lesson about moderation early but has the damage already bean done if i quit will i every be completely normal again ive bean smoking so long im not sure i know what normal is thanks for listening...ken.

SuperJJ85

Sure, the doctor!

You shouldn't need your parents to go see a doctor, being 18 years old. You're an adult, and your doctor has to keep things between you and him/her confidential.

It seems like you have some issues that need to be dealt with. I'd say your lucky that you decided to go overboard with MJ, because it's unlikely you've damaged yourself the way you may think. I haven't heard of MJ affecting your reproductive system, your growth, your mind etc. in a negative way. That being said, I have heard that if you have a mental condition (depression, anxiety disorders, etc.) MJ can complicate things.

SuperJJ85

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jewishjake420

Also, you may want to see a psychiatrist to help you sort out any nervous habits that you are feeling.

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awaa?
-S. Cooper

"There's a blaze of light in every word, it doesn't matter which you heard, the holy or the broken HALLELUJAH"

SuperJJ85

That may be a good idea, and I'm sure something your doctor could help you with if you can't talk to you parents about it.

Good luck
SuperJJ85

L0st_St0ker

Mate, what I think you should do is, pull yourself together!. Don't take this harsh you just need to take control of your own life. Find a hobby, or something that will make you happy, something to look forward to. I don't think the weed would have effected you much except for makeing you slightly lazy. If you really want to change the way you are you just gotta do it. I'm writing this **** cause this is what helped me by the way... I live by ten words with only 20 letters --> if it is to be it is up to me .. It is obvious you want to change these bad habbits, you wouldnt have posted here if it wasn't somewhat important. So just find it in your will power to just stop doin the bad habits your doing, focus on what you'r doing and take control of yourself.

I hope this has helped because I thought alot about what your feeling and really wanted to help you.

Write back and tell me how your going now

Higher Logic

Sorry I tried to read that but the lack of punctuation and paragraphs stopped me *shrug* Not being mean, but it hurts my eyes to try and read that

Judging from the replies though, you should check out the Myths surrounding cannabis about the reproductive system, loss of motivation, cancer, etc. What you are feeling might have nothing to do with cannabis, you are 18

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