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I just finished my first student film. I'm 18 now and plan on going to the University of Tennessee to pursue film in some way (probably a major in computer engineering // minor in film production). Anyways, a friend and I made this movie together (we did allllll the work). I think it shows. I'm more interested in the directing//cinematography aspect though and feel I have more of a talent for it. I need to work on script writing. I know a good story idea when I hear one, I just have trouble constructing one. But yeah, any critisism helps and is appreciated.

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My brain is more fucked up than a joint full of stems.

 

Dark

Well...that whole first minute and a half or so make no sense to me at all. I don't know what it has to do with anything, the wole car ride and getting out, and then ESPECIALLY the coffee line. Out of nowhere comes a scene where they are standing talking about hating not enough cream in the coffee. At the end it seems pretty obvious that that was just said to tie into that end scene with the coffee.
Things like that are ok, if you tie it into the story. The whole coffee thing is so offbase.

Some scenes are pretty cool but it feels, to me, like you don't know where to carry them sometimes.
The town pics were righteous. The birds flying with also awesome. What I would've liked to see, is since the birds are flying after he walks away, I think you should show him looking out at the birds flying, with basically no expression on his face. then after you show him watching the birds, you get a closeup oh his eyes looking up watching them fly (well not just their eyes...eyes/nose shit. I'm sure you can get a good picture of what I'm talking about.). Don't rush it, take your time. This shows the character has a lot on his mind, and it shows he just doesn't know what to do with himself. I keep getting the picture of Edward Norton in my head from 25th hour. He thinks a lot looking across the water somewhere because he is going to jail in a few hours, and it shows how much the whole thing is really on his mind in only his facial expression and his demeanor of just not wanting to do anything but sit there and think.

I thought there was too much slow/silence in some parts, and then too fast in others. A good balance is needed. Sometimes you need to stretch out the emotion when they are showing it in films like this.

The dialogue is bunk. Or maybe it was the actors.

I think the end where he is kinda losing it in his room, he should really be losing it more. At this point in the film it's like the character is completely lost it because he just can't stand her being gone anymore. It's time that the character looks as if hes going insane. Running around and punching walls and throwing himself on the bed and stuff. The scene where he was rocking back and forth on the bed was really good. More things like that instead of the silent sobs. Talking to himself. Screaming to himself actually, but with the music still playin and his voice muted. You start that scene slow, build up to almost going berserk, than by the end u start to calm down because you think about killing yourself. So you try and gather the little composure you have, and you finish the rest of the movie with the little sanity you have (if you're the character that is. Need to get into that head of his ya know ). As a viewer, you need to get into his head more as well. It's hard to know just how sad he is.

That was the big ones that bothered me pretty much.Keep in mind when I give criticism, especially to someone who is trying to make a career out of this, I give it harsh. I'm picky and one little scene can completely ruin a moment of a movie for me (trust me). You give me one wrong facial expression and the scene is down the toilet. That's probably why I barely can even watch horror movies anymore, it's all just so obviously staged.

And your scenes are just obviously staged. You go from point to point to point with no feel that there was anything inbetween. The facial expressions and the dialog just don't do anything for me.

If there was anything in it that kept me appealed it was some pretty good shots. I'd have to say the one of the town where the one bike rider rides by is absolutely my favorite. This scene is so big on making you feel like you are really in that town. You can smell the dew from the night before and you can feel the sunshine as it starts warming everything up. The bike rider gives it that flare that its a breathing city and a sense of realism.
One scene can keep me intrigued for the next few minutes, or one scene can completely ruin the next few minutes.

So I'd say it has potential. Or I should say YOU have potential. Really dive into the head of your characters. The emotions on screen in your film are movie emotions, I need real emotions. real conversations. people stumbling over a couple of works and over talking each other sometimes. A sense of imperfection sometimes can be the thing that makes a movie real . Take it easy man, and remember, I'm a very harsh critic. I'm sure you were only looking for certain details to be picked at but I'm sure any criticism I gave should/could help

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