Religion… we’ve got some ugly news for the “godless.” Religion is inescapable – there’s never been a human society without some form of worship and don’t point out communist societies, like the Soviet Union; they worship toilet paper. Of course beatniks, peace-nix and no-good-nix question why we need religion? Religion, however twisted and perverse it is; Is the cornerstone of our civilization. Without it – there would be no laws, no morality, no social structure and no guidelines for furnishing our tabernacles.
Do you want to live in a state of valueless depravity? Like those hippie pot smokers, over in Holland. Side note: if you’re reading this and are from Holland, I meant Belgium. Religion is here for the benefit of mankind. So we can profit from its numerous gifts. Among them, the law; the Ten Commandments are the basis of our entire system of justice, without them we wouldn’t have laws. Without laws there would be chaos. Those two tablets give you everything you need to run an orderly society. Lying, stealing, murdering, adultery, idol worship and covenanting… are out. Parent honoring and Sabbath observance are in.
Religion lays out clear definitions of good and evil. It distinguishes good deeds (or solids) in biblical Hebrew, from sins. Think about it, without this guidance of a reward / punishment system; how would we know that it is actually “good” to give charity to beggars. Without the concept of right and wrong, we would have no cowboy movies, or cop shows. There’d be no good people, or bad people… just people.
I believe it was the English philosopher “Hobbs” who describes human life as solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short. Religion allows us to ignore all that by praying. When we appeal to our deities with a slaughter ewe or a prostration… or in the case of the Hare Krishna, an airport conga line. We exert some control over our existence and are filled with hope that god may improve it. Otherwise we’d just be chanting our deepest desires into a silent indifferent void. How depressing would that be? Folks, life is chaotic and unpredictable. If a panda bear poops in the People’s Republic of China, it could cause people on the other end of the globe to watch a discovery channel special on them.
Buddhism – there’s another go figure religion? Hey! Why don’t we all sit around in our robes and stare at the rock garden and just “like… be aware?” Exactly, that’s the easiest rhetorical question I’ve ever asked. Buddhism instructs its followers to forsake all attachments to material things. I say – go for it guys. That just means more stuff for those of us with good enough sense, to “glorify our lord” with speedboats. And frankly, I’m offended by this idea of the so-called “middle way”… the Buddhist doctrine avoiding extremes. What’s the point of a religion without extremes?
You’re either a believer of God, who is guaranteed a seat at “God’s right hand,” in the “kingdom of heaven.” Or your an infidel, condemned to boil eternally in a lake of searing excrement. This is a holy war folks, pick a side.
Islam…what can I say (that won’t result in threats)? Islam is a great and true religion. Revealed in the Koran, which was dictated by the angel Gabriel, to the final prophet Mohammed; blessings and peace be upon him… next.
Scientology, this fast growing science fiction of a religion is attracting some smart people. At least they seem smart. They certainly know a lot about scientology, and while a lot of folks are quick to criticize scientology, for secrecy and a willingness to sue dissenters. But if you had figured out the secret of expunging engrams for the reactive mind… you’d be a bit protective of it too.
Though I may disagree with scientology on a number of points, like the notion that a galactic lord Xenu, exiled Satans to earth in space ships, shaped exactly like late 60′s era, DC-Eight airplanes, and stacked them around volcanoes. Then blew them up with hydrogen bombs, seventy-five million years ago. And that the spirits of those Satans now inhabit our bodies and prevent us from reaching our full potential. I do agree with a well-publicized disdain for psychoanalysis. Are your kidding me? $300 an hour… and all that guy wants to chat about is my mother? Beam me up L-Ron.
Rastafarianism – any religion in the 20 twentieth-century that sees ethiopian emperor Haile Selassie as a member of the holy trinity is worth our suspicion. Then again any religion who’s name isn’t recognized by Microsoft word… can’t be that much of a threat. My main beef with these folks is that they try to make smoking grass acceptable by labeling it a…” of the sacrament.” In my book, that gets you raptured right into a federal prison camp. Reggae and weed do make for a pretty great corporate barbecue though.
Just a quick word here about all the other crazy cults. My problem with cults is that they don’t have the balls to be honest from the get go. They hide behind phrases like “self-improvement workshop,” or “human potential coach,” or “improv class.” Then they slowly sneak in the crazy stuff so that you don’t notice. If they had any guts at the very first cult meeting they’d say “you all need to wear yellow bedsheets and have sex with me twice with a day.” Then keep giving me all of your money until the next comet comes by in twelve years. Problem solved. The wacky people can still join and the people who are just “suggestible,” can still get out of there.