Comatose

Gah...This isn't what I needed right now.

Every so often I'll get baked enough to just get in the mood to sit and chill. When this happens, I always get these weird little epiphanies and theories and random thoughts. Half the time they aren't even original things I come up with, just something provacative. Then, when I can never answer the questions I ask myself I get all bummed out and negative and stuff.

So tonight I'm sitting in my basement - its still Christmas at the time - and I think "What if I was going to die." Not like the "in the future" sense, but the "very soon" sort.

Anyway - to get to the point - the whole thing I was wondering about that I cant get a satisfying answer to is: What if you only had an hour to live. Who would you call? Who would you talk to? What would you say to them? And lastly - Why haven't you done it yet?

The last question has to deal with self hesitation for no good reason. Why wait till it doesnt matter to say whats on your mind? Why not just do it now? I never came up with a good answer, so here I sit, quiet and bitter.

Blah.

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With repetition comes demise, yet with creativity comes longevity.

Be responsible about being irresponsible.

G33k$m0k3r420

When I'm really stoned I think about positive things, and if any negative things come about, I can figure them out in a positive way, and not be bummed.

Pot makes me happy 99.999% of the time.

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I mainly smoke from homemade smoking devices I made myself.

ManMulcahey

i would first talk to my family, then call my girl over, get really stoned, and have sex with her till i died.

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What ever you do, Take care of your shoes.

PhreshwaterPhunk

Lol, that's what I'd problebly do, too. Maybe call a few friends in between.

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"Faster, faster, until the thrill of speed overcomes the fear of death."Hunter S. Thompson

Comatose

Jah...but the main point is "what would you tell them if you only had an hour left, and why haven't you done it already?"

Mamabudz

B.S.... damn good reason...you hesitate because you are dealing with your own mortality dear so your "self hesitation is for a very good reason".

Why wait till it doesnt matter to say whats on your mind? -- Because you still fear rejection more than you crave authenticity. That will change as you get wiser. And wisdom sometimes comes like a bolt from the blue

Some of you know that my father died just before Thanksgiving in a car crash, 15 days shy of his 77th birthday --- no one else was injured and he went quickly at the scene.

I have no regrets or "should haves". I always told him how much I loved him. We got together for dinner -- meatloaf and mashed potatos were his favorite -- just a week before he died. We were honest with each other. He was not perfect, he made mistakes as a father and as a person, but he was truly authentic and lived life well and fully -- he was always learning, and kept his mind open.

That allowed us to share a great deal...and so I have no regrets...which makes the mourning process so much easier.

Just a bit of sharing my own story. Thought it might help you figure some things out too.

...have a cookie

Hugz,

Mama Budz

Comatose

Thats the thing...I think my biggest fear in life (besides water <shudder>) is having regrets.

So that little thought that crossed into my mind was basically saying, "You know, you've still got a lot left unfinished. Why are you waiting around?" and I couldn't answer it. So basically, it's a harsh little reminder to keep things in gear, and not pass things up, because they're not gonna be there forever!

hempknight

Mamabudz, my condolences to you. I fortunately have achieved a like wise relationship with my father but only after my mother died 15 years ago. My mother and I did not say good bye to each other the way I would have liked. The night before she passed my brother comes in to the hospital and says you've been here all day go home and sleep. I made him promise that he wouldn't leave her alone but he did. he went to the bar. So she died the next morning with a nurse at her side, no family there. I woke up at home at 8:30 am and I knew she had died. It was weird.
My advice: tell people how you feel because today could be your last day or their last day on earth. And sometimes, you might say something they don't like, then so be it. You will feel better about it and not go into a suicidal drug phase doing anything and everything cause of guilt until my dad told me it wasn't your fault, she died. I had also moved out of my parents house 2 weeks before she died. Sorry for rambling but let the people you care for know it because it will be too late someday!!

Mamabudz

Often times...people will wait until all family has left, or fallen asleep before they allow themselves to pass through the door into Death...

I'm glad that you have come through your grieving with a stronger relationship with your father, your mother is pleased with that and she does know...I don't know why I know this but I do...

Peace be with you...

...and have a cookie

Hugz,

Mama Budz