HennaC

sup people ill give you a brief introductory of whats been going on with me and how ive overcome the bullshit

alright, basically i blazed in my room on my own or with my girlfriend through the past year once a day and this was because all my mates went off to uni and there was pretty much no one to chill back with. having a gf as a dealer was also a plus of staying in all the time. but yeah, too much draw without having any specific mind-focussed interest (even though i did try a fair bit but everything seemed either lame or gay (stamp collecting/exercise n shit)). i was fairly happy bunning on my own all the time but when it got to social situations i would fuck myself up and not say what i would generally say, and i could hear it in my head too but for some reason i just held back and instead said other gay shit. and that carried on pretty much until i forgot 'me' and just went with it and not go with the voice because i was a new me and its not that i lost self-esteem over it because generally im a happy go lucky guy and when im on my own all is cool. but yeah. friends came back, i was fucking up all the time in that sense on top of thinking too much and just being an utter gay. all the time there was that voice in my head, but yeah i shunned it thinking that it wasnt the 'right me' and carried on how i was, still a happy go lucky, very apathetic to other peoples subconscious coughing bullshit on top of just being apathetic in general but knowing i was a good guy (it all comes down allll the way down to whether your a right or wrong, good/evil person, people).

and so yeah i thought that coming to uni this year i would lap out of it, blaming everyone else because i wasnt doing anything neccessarily bastarddy, also getting semi-paranoid but correctly so with my friendship group and that was all down to some prick who fights for love when i was just apathetic. but thats another story. anyway i got to uni and things didnt quite change, i thought they would've just by turning up but still, coming out with the lame talk, pretty odd talk if im honest being too focussed on the subconscious bullshit but still not caring for it and looking past it. but i found out what it is that needs to be done for all those people who have trouble talking, thinking too much and arent theyre old self due to a shitload of blazing. basically. as weird as it sounds and im not gonna go with the cliche of 'its all in your mind' cos that shit just aggravated me before because obviously it was but there was no direction. but yeah. first- cut down on the weed (i havent smoked for 2weeks and 4days and howw i cant wait til october) and secondly- just Submit yourself to your thoughts. i tried lots of ways for e.g having the attitude of 'fuck it' and 'fuck you' and that being the attitude that brought back certain aspects of my personality (to those that deserve it on the second bit, like actually talking out when appropriate). But yeah, by submitting yourself to your thoughts, your submitting yourself to you if that makes sense? ride the rollercoaster that is yourself. you mightve been a crazyarse nigga before the yawning/tired times but you know what. fuck it. submit that shit. give in. delve in. click those fingers, cough a bit, burp some more and you know what it fucking works. im me again and i am one rather chuffed dude because of it.

not that i didnt feel 'whole' before because i was still me if you know im saying, just a bit fucked up (and conscious of it) in my mind, now im feeling Whole again. not so much entirely different, just me-me if you catch my drift?

technically yes its all in your head and cutting the weed will help, also time is another true point, but really you just gotta give in to yourself and not be scared/paranoid or whatever of the outcome. it seems like a daunting big step but you know what, fuck it. thats what weed was originally for. jokes times and doing crazy shit by saying fuck it.

sorry on this longarse essay but in my previous state i wouldve liked to have read something along the lines of it. hoping it helps my weed mad compadre's but if you wanna help you and future you etc my advice would be give a lil go, or a fat go if you want my true advice.

anyway, peace y'all i hope you get rid of your demon and feel that you're you again. easy