Knuxx

...but my views on life have taken a dramatic change. i feel like nothing matters, i feel too aware that death will occur one of these days whether i want it to or not and im just fine with that. ive considered the thought of death to be not bad.. not good.. but i think its better than this fucked up world. My sister always told me playfully that "life sucks, then you die" but it was only until the passed few weeks that i realized how true that is. Your born, get forced into school so that you can one day stimulate the economy for a country, on this planet that you didnt exactly choose to live on. Im not saying the world isnt full of wonderful things, it is. the World is amazing. its the people in it that make it seem boring, dull, and sad.
People are horrible. no one in particular, but the vast majority seem to just make it awful to live on this planet. People are so desensitized they cant even understand how much pain they are inflicting with just a simple word, let alone weapons.
Ive pondered with happiness, and ive come to the conclusion that happiness is just the absence of sadness. you can build up happiness, but eventually itll come back down.
The way i have been thinking lately has had a huge effect on my attitude. I care less, and im not exactly happy, im just....neutral. thats the only way i can describe it. i feel neutral. Ive always been very open minded, and very down to earth, but being so open minded has caused me to not believe in any kind of religion, but think of the universe in a more scientific view. i refuse to believe that any kind of god can make something, love it, and then send it to an even worse place than amongst the people on Earth. I dont believe in any religion, i wish i could but i just dont. its not like i chose to not believe in anything i just cant. Sure, im only 16 but i feel that i know this world. i understand completely of whats going on in it. and the only thing ive learned from it is that you cant do anything without hurting someone in the process.
I do, however, believe in true happiness. there has to be one thing that just makes EVERYTHING alright and at peace. and, by the way things are looking, it seems like death is the only answer. Im not contemplating suicide, im not suicidal, im just saying that if i was in the same room when someone killed themself i would be telling them "send a postcard."
Being high doesnt help at all. the way ive been looking at it lately, i have to states of mind, high and sober, its hard to explain, but think of it as when im high im thinking "cant wait to get sober" and when im sober im thinking "i cant wait to get high" and when im high it makes me think even more deeply about it.
I believe that there is no heaven. There is no hell. Hell has been on this Earth since humans could walk upright. so if life is the opposite of death, and true happiness is the opposite of torture, and life=hell (torture) then doesnt that make death=Heaven? (happiness)
This post didnt exactly turn out how i wanted, but it got the main points down.
im not asking for help, just for opinions.