gobf2f

I am constantly barraged by obscure thoughts and ideas. I do not know what to make of it half the time and frequently wonder how and why I was placed on this earth. I realize everybody is born with a natural talent and I find myself wondering what mine is. I have a fascination with the unknown and the mysteries of the mind. I consider myself to be a deep thinker and rather socially unsound. I am a survivor, any situation I have been faced with I believe to have conjured up the best possible outcome for myself. My flaws are apparent, I have many bad habits and problems ranging from an addictive personallity to mild depression. I live my life one day at a time and rarely look toward the future. I am constantly pondering why things happen the way they do and what forces drive the decision laden path known as life. Nostalgia is something I feel on a regular basis, I find myself in a quasi-daydream thinking about past events of my life and why they happened the way the did. I don’t consider myself mentally unstable although at some points in time I do doubt this notion. I am patiently waiting for that point in my life where everything clicks and I realize what I need to do and how to do it. I fear this time will never come. Whenever I find myself in a silent dark room, very similar to right now, my mind floods with a dichotomy of thoughts that I need to get down. Whenever I step back and look at my life as a whole I realize how lucky I really am. I take this for granted most of the time and I wish I didn’t. While my life is great in retrospect, I find myself depressed and hung up about things that really are not a big deal. These problems are suppressed by my consumption of alcohol and marijuana. While I would like to curtail my drinking, I find marijuana to have a rather beneficial place in my life. It allows me to relax and view the world in a different/altered aspect. I have no idea what I am good at, and I feel my “partying” has hindered my ability to find my natural gift. I think of myself as rather intelligent, not in a mechanical sense but in a way that I can always find a way out or around things. This is why I am writing this, I am trying to find my way out of this problem that is plaguing me. I would love to know what my interests are and how to pursue them. The problem is I frequently look to other people for help ie my parents or friends. But this is a problem that I must figure out on my own and I have no idea where to begin. Maybe this is a start, maybe not, but I have a feeling in the back of my mind that everything will be alright in the end, and that’s what keeps me going.

NeoArcadian

Wow, if you hadn't of posted that just now I would have in a few hours.

I am the exact same way. I used to be all brainy and would spout out facts about random, intersting, but useless facts. Now that I have marijuana I have found a release. I used to have constant ideas and they would plague me.

I would stay up hours on end, sometimes even days on end, trying to get one of the many ideas in my head jumbled out. Then I met mary jane. I now smoke whenever I get the chance, about once to two times a week, and my thoughts have become so much clearer.

Whenever one of my crazy thoughts pops in my head I just think about it and it comes out so clear, instead of going half crazy trying to sort things out it is just there in a pile waiting to be put on a self.

I guess the best way to put it would be what the guy that smokes weed off of Roadtrip said, "I used to have so many problems until I found pot."

What was funny was he wasn't only the smart one of the group he was one of the smartest of all. It really goes to show that just because a person smokes weed doesn't mean he is stupid much less ignorant.

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"Hammered like a blacksmith, Stoned like a mountain." ME.

Swazi

I felt quite alone until reading the above posts. I once heard someone say "You are unique, just like everybody else." I cracked myself laughing while still being able to realise the truth in it. Gobf2f, release the past and look to the future. I felt exactly like you did a while back. The mild depression. Alchohol is one of the worst things for it as well. Whenever you find yourself dwelling to much in the past, step out and look around at the present. Then before doing anything else, consider the future.

You are intelligent, you question. Something that few people do in todays world. The world is full of sheep. People who don't question, people who just accept the indoctrinations that have been forced down their throat since childhood. You wonder what your talent is? Allow me to take a guess please... My guess would be that your talent is your passion. I might be wrong but please consider it even just for a second. It doesn't matter what you are passionate about, it just matters that you are passionate.

My past holds more questions than answers which can lead to confusion. Then I realised that even if I did have answers for these questions it wouldn't help. So I accepted the fact as best I could. I myself do still dwell in the past too long sometimes but another thing to remember is that we aren't perfect, especially not to ourselves. We should never try to be though. Weed helped me focus my mind. When I'm the world is beautiful and wonderful even though I know it isn't. I can be said to live in a bit of a fantasy world. But if I'm living in this fantasy world, then the fantasy is my reality.

We just have too accept that there are more things we cannot control than things we can. It makes life easier. Good luck with sorting out that spaghetti brain of yours. At least now you can find comfort that you aren't the only one.

So keep thinking. The more peace you can make with the past, the more peace you'll have in your future. Ciao.

Up In Smoke

"everything means more than what you see; its the way you see it that makes it impossible to see."

NeoArcadian

Or as I once said,

"Nothing is impossible, but everytthing is improbable."

Or something like that.

Bluee

The talent that someone has might be no talent at all. Just remember to enjoy life

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Pessimism is being content when things go bad, while enjoying life when proven wrong.