paki_eyez

Ok so a few days ago I had the pleasure of going to red lobster, I love red lobster. It is incredibly good when high.
What I didnt have the pleasure of was sitting in a booth with my back towards 3 obnoxious children and a lush mother..
It goes a little something like this..
Me and my majah get there and are seated, hooray for smoking sections.
I already know what I'm ordering. King crab legs and clam chowder.
We start to have a discussion on how I should cut my hair because normal people cant sit on theyre split ends as I can. Despite popular delete I dont give a ****. Normal for me is the contrary. Anyway.
This women and her brats are sitting behind me. They screaming, throwing crayons and giggling retardedly. Why do resturants still give out crayons and that little coloring sheet. The brats wont color inside the lines anyway. The crayons are all dulled down to shit. And you have the marvelous color range of green, blue, or red. Screw creativity I guess.
So as I'm eating my soup which was taking my mind of how annoyed I was, one of the hooligans spills his milk.
Everywhere.
First of all who the hell orders milk at a seafood resturant, its just wrong.
The whole resturant goes queit. The mother, staring at the spilled cow water tightens her lips and starts to shake. I knew she was going to flip out. Then, ciggarette in hand. Starts to beat on the table. Banging it.
One or three bangs would have sufficed. But this wench just kept going as she was starting to cry. The waiter just stands there not wanting to piss her off even more. By the way shes still banging making the mess even worse and terrifying her children even more. I decide to take a break from my delicious chowder and light up a newport, this was just too good.
So the waiter starts to wipe it up. She grabs his hand and screams "NO. THEYRE MY CHILDREN AND I AM RESPONSIBLE. I'LL CLEAN IT UP"
She snatches away the dish towel and starts to swirl the milk around the table. I start to crack up. Mind you the whole resturant as far as the smoking section boundaries go is silent. And im there laughing like a hyena on nitrous oxide. My mother is repeatedly kicking me under the table causing me to laugh more. I start weezing and crying. I just couldnt take how someone could make spilled milk such a dramatic emotional event.
She said "What is so fuc**ng funny"
And I said "No use cryin over spilled milk"
By now Im dying, I really couldnt stop laughing. She starts banging on the table again and asks for her check and leaves.
By the time my crab gets there my mother is humiliated and I am still laughing. To add insult to injury as the harlott was walking out I kept banging my fist on the table as I cracked up...
It was great.

Why does it seem funny things only happen when im high

Alive-And-Dreaming

That line was epic. mad funny.

krad

Hell I would have made fun out of it too, it sucks to be that mother. I'm guessing she's divorced and has to take care of the kids herself. That would be way stressful, which also leads me to believe she's uptight and hits her children a little to hard. She seems so violent ...orr that time of the month again? 0_o

__________________
Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power. ~P.J. O'Rourke

Nick360

omg thats funny lol i would lmao even if i was sober.

Just 2things: so you have smoking section? were i live smoking sections in any bar/resturant were baned, and wtf are kids doing in the smoking section?

paki_eyez

yea we have a smoking section at red lobster, the mom was smoking like a chimney. Virginia slim ultra light 120's *gag*
Im sure the kids are used to it.