InfectedWithMJ

Being a Brooklyner and having to live in SC is so difficult. People are fake. They will never tell you what they really think of you. They are always so nice, so friendly, but when you try to do something with them or ask them - they say "sure! " and then back-stab you! They do it to me all the time. I never know why but maybe because I am not the "nice guy" who supplicates and agrees with everyone. If critisize anyone's idea - its immediately "jerk!". What the hell?

For example, I had to work on a project with a girl from my college class. She did the PowerPoint presentation which was awful. I mean we would fail. It was seriously not an opinion. So, I decided to be friendly and said that we should improve it. I then proceeded to re-write it in its core but I even gave out an explanation to each change to this girl to show her that my way is definately better. On the peer reviews I got like 15 ouf 100 because she hated the fact that every one of her slides was wrong. However, she never showed a single sign of negativity.

And its not just a one time thing. People back-stab me all the time. I also never talk to a person who back-stabbed me. Others think its rude, but WTF? They f8cked me over - why should I fake it and be friendly? I'd rather punch that person. So, I never know what is coming and I don't know who to trust. All my friends are from up north or internationals. They all have the same issue...

laCster

i know what you mean man, i hate when people are decieving and tell you they like you at like lunch, and then talk shit about you after school, im like wtf? why dont you just say you dont like me and go on with our ways, its not that hard...
....and then, after you hear them talk shit, you try to ask them why did they do it and shit, and they totally deny it and act like they are cool with you....its very annoying

locket

that would bug the stink out of me. I feel for you. Just be yourself, and f*ck if they care. Honesty is the best policy. Don't be a fake ass just to please them, cos they probably won't be pleased any way.
Stick with your Northerners and Internationals, and once you're done, get the f*ck out of SC.

Mushroom Man

Fuck 'em.
Do you feel the need to be on their side? Does it keep you up at night wondering if they think positively of you? It seems that you want people who you dislike to like you, and what will that bring? I used to live on the NC/SC border for thirteen years and I know a lot of people that fit the criteria your describing.

You can't please everyone, especially when they have a secret agenda their not sharing. I will say that scoring you low on a group project shows immaturity and a lack of respect, but in the long run she's the one who is going to have problems if she takes her mistakes to heart. Don't let that happen to you.

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InfectedWithMJ

Do you know if people in Charlotte, NC are just as fake?

I figured...I am very successful, very good looking (yes, a bit narcissist) and I was one of the very few who got the best job offers. The rest are in deep doo-doo. I must be doing something right, but not having many friends and girls in college sucks too. This flakyness with girls and fakeness is the worst part of it. You disagree with her on one issue or critisize her once and they lose interest. Up north women love guys who aren't suck ups and want respect. They find me odd and I find them very odd and its difficult 1 vs the rest.

Bhikku

I live in Alabama, so my whole culture is steeped in this stuff. I don't see it quite as negatively as you "yanks" do though.

To me it's not meant to be superficial or mean...it's sort of like how Japanese people will be nice to your face and talk shit about you behind your back too. It's not because the politeness is false, it's because criticizing people behind their back (as opposed to their face) is not considered rude in our culture, when being forward or blunt is considered being rude.

There's also a very strong compulsion to fit a certain standard here, and part of the ritual of maintaining the social status quo is by constantly evaluating the people around you according to that standard.

I feel your pain and I don't necessarily agree with the custom, but I guess I just take that kind of thing for granted, having lived here all my life. The politeness isn't always fake or condescending...you can be sweet as pie to someone and if you're in a room full of Southerners, every single person will know that you are really mad as hell at the person you're talking to and that your sweet talk is total bullshit. More than that, the person you're talking to will know it too.

There is such a thing as "scathingly formal" manners here. If a Southerner tells you straight up what they're thinking, it means they respect you. If they don't like you, they'll be roundabout and polite just to spite you.

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InfectedWithMJ

So...everyone hates me then.

Mushroom Man

Don't hate on yourself like that!

He has a point, if everyone told you how they thought about you right off the bat people would be a lot more hostile and depressed.

QUOTE:The politeness isn't always fake or condescending...you can be sweet as pie to someone and if you're in a room full of Southerners, every single person will know that you are really mad as hell at the person you're talking to and that your sweet talk is total bullshit. More than that, the person you're talking to will know it too.

Nicely put Bhikku.

Mushroom Man

People in Charlotte are the worst, most shadiest people I've come across. They'll act like your best friend and then rob you or jump you. Seriously, all my friends have been robbed at gunpoint (over WEED) or jumped in a 5 to 1 fight at least one time, most of the time by people they considered to be 'friends'. How did I deal with it? I stuck to myself. After I left people who I thought HATED me told me how much they missed me cause i was a real person, and they could trust me. How could I feel bad by that? I left and now have the most promising future out of all them, and it looks like your in the same boat.

Bad things will and do happen to good people, it's just a matter of choosing the right battles. I for one have never robbed or set up ANYONE. Yet I've been set up and lost a pound of weed, got yanked out of a car by 7 strangers and my 'friend' and got beaten up all for my cell phone! Shit I've gotten my head busted open with a bat cause I wouldn't front weed to someone I didn't trust! Did I seek revenge? No, because karma will come for them in a way much harsher then I could do myself.

Stick to yourself, get a best friend so you don't go crazy, and live life how you want to live it. It doesn't matter who agrees with you or not. The people you want to meet will show up sooner or later even if it doesn't seem like they ever will.

I'm pretty happy with how things have panned out, the real problem is finding the right significant other. That seems to be the problem most of us have these days

Rossaroni

I've lived in Arkansas all my life. Arkansas certainly isn't like the Carolinas, but it's close enough. If you ask me, stay true to yourself. If people are going to talk shit behind your back, that's their problem. I'd say just keep being yourself and try not to be too rude, it's a huge deal to some people when you stop being polite with someone trying to be amicable. Most smart people don't hate so much, so just take solace in the probable reality that you're smarter than them.