kevin77

This post is directed at INTELLIGENT marijuana users. I want some insight from some people who have it together in their heads.

Now I am 24. I know that when I was smaller I had some irrational fears and thoughts ever since I was a little kid. These irrational thoughts and fears did not effect me that often as I got over them and didn't dwell on them. They would come and go. I also had a lot of trouble getting over things (and still do).

I remember I used to think that drugs were the worst thing in the world and that I would never do them.

Well when I was about 15 or 16 I tried marijuana for the first time. I was really anxious about it, and after I got baked I knew I felt weird, but it wasn't a bad kind of weird and I was laughing away.

Well for about a year or 2 that was just casual smoking...which developed into chronic smoking...I'm talking a an average of 2 grams a day.

As I progressed I sometimes got these thoughts that I was so stoned and I might die, but I could always calm myself down by saying "noone has ever died from smoking weed." I also started getting really paranoid about getting caught if I wasn't in a place I knew I DEFINATELY would not get caught. I started thinking that when I was stoned, everything I said was stupid, and that people who knew I was stoned were judging me negatively which made me not want to be around any non-stoners.

Just before I ended up quitting weed, I got hit with some bombshells. I just got a tech support job so I had to put up with assholes all day long, my girlfriend (who I was breaking up with) told me she was pregnant, and I just got charged with DUI (for being ONE BEER over the limit) and lost my drivers license.

Now when I smoked I was starting to get this weird panicky feeling....and feelings of guilt. Like I felt guilty for being high. I also got the weird, panicky, fog-like feeling when I wasn't baked but that was rare.

Then I remember when I got my first full blown panic attack. I was at a buddies house and we all got baked...I figured I was only getting these weird panicky feelings because I was smoking too much...so I purposely did not smoke that much (not as much as I normally did). I got a full blown panic attack....everything was really REALLY weird...I felt like I was dying....thoughts racing through my mind.....I didn't know what the fuck was going on and that freaked me out more but I concluded that it was the weed....I looked into the night sky and the stars freaked me out....I made up some excuse and rushed home in my truck. The whole time I had crazy thoughts like "what if I just drive off that guard rail"...and things like that. Then when I got home I felt really guilty, and thinking about my son while I was baked made me feel really guilty...like I am a bad person/father for smoking dope.

So its about 3 years later and now I have full blown panic disorder with agoraphobia and I haven't smoked weed in years. I'm trying to get over this bullshit but its hard. I get the derealization hardcore. Things which pose no danger to me sometimes scare the shit out of me. Sometiems I feel like I dont wanna live anymore (not suicidal) or like my soul just wants to jump outta my body. I avoid doing shit because I dont want to have panic attacks. I just started taking clonazepam and that helps.

I think my first panic attack just totally blew me away and then I started having panic attacks while sober. I think the panic attack just hit me so hard, not knowing what it was, that I obsessed about it non stop and it scared the shit out of me and I just let it get worse and worse by avoiding things that I thought would give me panic attacks and now I have agoraphobia and often dont wanna leave my house.

Now I have a girlfriend and she wants me to get baked with her, and I wanna get baked with her, but I'm scared shitless. Even though I have panic attacks when I'm sober....I feel like even after 1 toke of weed I am going to obsess about it so much that it will cause a panic attack no matter what.

Does anyone have any advice for me?

rich420

Im no expert but i'll post a suggestion anyways.

Does your girlfriend know about this? Maybe if you get baked just the both of you, and shes their to keep you calm maybe it will work out to your advantage and get your mind of those thoughts and not cause any panic attacks.

Maybe you should talk to a doctor about panick attacks and smoking weed? Im assuming your taking xanax for this, does it not work?

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kevin77

she knows i have bad anxiety, but she wants me to get baked with her one day. she says "ill be your medicine if you freak out"

i just started taking a 0.5mg clonazepam pill every morning....it works for the most part....but sometimes i still get bouts of anxiety

TheQuestionMark

IMO you should make sure you don't have any of that stuff on your mind when you decide to toke. not sure if this ----> Depersonalization disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia rings any bells or not but it's happened to me before and is not fun. Depersonalization disorder is caused by extreme stress and anxiety, so be mindful of that.

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"I love you Mary Jane"
-Spiderman

Buzzby

I'm not a psychologist, but in my opinion you'd be out of your mind to smoke weed in your current condition and with your current expectations about what it might do to you.

Tell the girlfriend that you have a medical condition that precludes your using marijuana. It's the truth.

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