macphearsome

well I went and did it again, put myself up against the wall by procrastinating. I have a 12 page paper due in 12 hours... let's see if I can get a page per hour done. Oh yeah and I haven't done all of the readings yet, and my professor has zero tolerance for lates.

I thought I had broken the old habits - for the past two weeks I have been keeping my computer locked in my closet while I did reading, took notes, and basically made productive use of my time. I've been spending an hour and a half each day studying for my french class, and two hours a day reading for this class. I had everything planned out until this last weekend, during which I was supposed to finish the last 80 pages of my reading, compile my notes, complete an outline and get a draft finished, so that I could spend today relaxing and editing my paper. I got off to a good start with some research on friday night instead of going out to the bar, and then saturday morning rolled around and I suddenly couldn't be bothered. Basic tortoise and the hare bullshit, fell asleep at the finish line. Slept in past noon, procrastinated by walking to the grocery store and cleaning my kitchen, then my friends came over and easily convinced me to watch a movie with them, so I threw away the rest of the evening doing basically nothing. And then I wasted all of sunday on my computer (all of that self-discipline and avoiding my computer went out the window in a landslide - I stalked marijuana.com for a couple of hours, looked at some porn, dicked around, played video games, all the good shit)

It's like I was so close to success that part of my mind had to interfere and prevent it.

This is an old habit of mine dating way back to elementary school, and it seems like no matter how many times I learn my lesson, I just have to walk the line again.

I guess now there's nothing to do but remind myself that my life isn't on the line, relax, focus, and see how many pages I can get out before class is over tomorrow.

So yeah... wish me luck again!

__________________
"What if I want more than the pale facsimile of fulfillment brought by a parade of ever-fancier toys? To spend my life restlessly producing instead of sedately consuming? Is there an app for that?" - xkcd

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