mud_head

and the reason why is because the one girl who i loved the most wants me back. she and i dated for about a year and a half, half of which was long distance. the second half. we were doing amazing, i just couldnt get enough of her! now, in the later part of the relationship, i had finally figured out that i was Bi. i thought i was just curious for the longest time, but i had finally concreted what i knew i was. i decided to tell her this, and she flipped a bitch. she was mad at me for not telling her when i just thought i was bi, and not trusting her. she then proceeds to tell me that she had been cheating on me for 3 weeks, and that she really cared for this guy. i told her that i didnt care, that whatever made her happy, made me happy. i was bullshitting just a little, i did care that she had cheated on me, and waited to tell me until she had an excuse to, but that is besides the matter. she and i still talked after that, but we started getting into arguments(we had never had a SINGLE argument before) and harsh words were started to be said. especially between the new guy and myself, we even started physically threatening each other. which amounted to nothing, considering we were 3000 miles apart from each other. i ended up finding out that when she told me it was 3 weeks, it was actually 3 months, 1 week after her 18th birthday. so she even lied to me about lying to me, if that makes any sense. she ended up becoming engaged to him, and they even tried to have a child. she had a miscarriage, and they didnt try again after that. but for the past few months, they had begun to argue a lot, because he just decided he was going to be lazy, and have no aspirations in life. which made her mad. she needed a man who knew what he wanted in life, and he just didnt care anymore. so after almost 2 years, literally 3 days before their 2 year anniversary, she broke up with him. she has been in pretty bad shape since, and i have been helping her out emotionally. im beginning to think that in helping her, i reawakened the feelings she had for me, and now she wants me back. i never stopped loving her, i even personnaly made a ring for her, the one i was going to use to propose to her. i still have it, and wear it to this day. inside, i have inscribed "Love, Mike" and if i were to marry any other, i would not be able to give it to that person, because it means that much to me. i dont know how to handle this situation; i mean, what would you do if the love of your life cheated and lied to you, ran off with some other guy, got her heart broken, and came crawling back to you?

Everlong2019

Well, on a smaller scale, I thought i loved a girl (i was 12, this was almost 3 years ago and it is no way near as important/serious as what your going through but still) this girl cheated on me at camp, we called it off because I hated her and she didn't want to be my girlfriend, when she came back to town she started going out with my best friend and they've been going out ever since, they've been having relationship problems cuz shes emotionally fucked up (like bi-polar, she sees a therapist and is basically an irrational mess) and shes started trying to be closer friends with me like holding my hand and hugging me but I just flat out told her I want nothing to do with her because I dont love her (in fact I strongly dislike her...).

Basically, a summary of that story is if you do still love her, go for it, but if you don't (and nobody can blame you for it after all that happened) then just tell her flat out, don't string her along

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MestUp7

I don't think anyone who cheated on you for 3 months behind your back can truly love you, and it sounds like she just needs someone at this point in time. I would not trust her at all, you're bound to just get your heart broken again. If I were you I would move on and find someone that truly cares about you.

TwoJoints

I agree with MestUp on this one.
I've been in a similar situation. I took the guy back after cheating on me three times, only to have him do it again. I've learned from my mistake and now I know not to trust him, or anyone else, like that anymore.
If I were in your place, I wouldn't take her back. I wouldn't be able to trust her anymore, at least not fully, and don't think a relationship would work without the people trusting each other 100%.

Of course, you can ask for opinions and take them into consideration, but in the end you're the one making the decision. You can go with your gut feeling. If you really want to get back with her any give it another shot, then go for it. Yes, it's a risk, but it could also be worth it.

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“Marijuana is self-punishing. It makes you acutely sensitive, and in this world, what worse punishment could there be?”P. J. O'Rourke

mud_head

i just need as much input as possible, i dont trust myself to make a rational decision... like the post i made about passion, right now im blind and ignorant.

Lateralus420

Hi Mud_head,

All I can say is, love is not a "rational decision" to be made. When you find the right one, you just know it.

The fact that you are so torn about this decision tells me that you care very much for this person, and likely still have very deep feelings for her, but if she were the one, I don't think you would have to question it.

I know that this is a "hallmark card" answer, and life/love is rarely that black and white. That being said I will add some more of my opinions (don't worry, I have no delusions that my opinions really matter, so feel free to take or leave them)

1.) By admitting your true sexuality, I think you exhibited a level of courage and honesty that is seldom seen. She was lucky to have such a partner. For this I commend you

2.) If she even remotely loved you, she would NEVER cheat on you. This is UNACCEPTABLE in a healthy relationship. It either proves that she didn't really love you, or that she didn't really love herself (in which case loving anyone else is impossible... needing, wanting, possessing or taking advantage of, sure, but not truly loving). For this I condemn her.

3.) Though people can change who they are, it doesn't happen too often, and it only happens if that person decides to change on their own. Nothing you can say or do will cause her to be faithful unless she chooses to do so. So, if she still behaves the way she did when you met her, she has likely not made such a shift in character.

4.) It sounds to me like she is seeking your love in order to feel better about herself and to somehow make her past infidelity seem ok. Until she PROVES this assessment wrong through her actions, I wouldn't trust her.

I wish you the best, and I know you will find the right partner who loves and respects you for who you are... Peace and Love.

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"... Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration. That we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death; life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves..." -Bill Hicks

madmodder123

yeah and she might be the type that will try to get pregnant

xchoicex

as odd as it seems...
a year ago, my first love (& so far the last) turned Bi on me as well... and i also got a ring on my (wedding) ring finger that i never take off...
my story is a bit similar to urs, except the fact that he was the one who cheated... even though, i still remember him as the best guy i met... he made me happy...
anyways, what i wana say is that i agree with Mestup as well...
my love ran back to me a couple of time, but it was just for emotional support, fag people stab each others in the back more then u think they do... and because im soo stupid, and i still care alot abt him, and i got no self-esteem at all... i always took him back and made him feel better only to be dumped and cheated on 2 weeks after...
take it from a person who drowned in a experience similar to yours, DO NOT TAKE HER BACK, and run away while u can
messed up relations never get better, they only get worse...
u deserve more then this... a new start and a clean relation...
a liar will always be a liar too.. and um... i think its clear that she came back because ur the only one left...

but anyways, who am i to judge? just like i dislike any judgements on my experience... no one can know and visualize the full circumstances u guys lived in to actually give u a good advice, no matter how much you try to describe it...
Only you can take the right decision... and the right decision is what will make u happy at the moment... just like u did when u turned Bi... I guess?
(that is, if you still wana follow that concept... coz, well, I figured out that humans should not always get what they want...)

and may i say, (sorry for that), that u didnt only rip her heart out when u came out of the closet to her, but u actually & litterally smashed it into a million pieces...

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mud_head

i didnt make a decision to be bi, i just more or less figured that that was what was going on with me. its not something i did to be happy, its just a blunt fact. now telling her wasnt something i did to make anyone happy either; i believe in having a completely open relationship, and you cant do that hiding something as big as your sexuality from your partner.

unless your elton john.

CRIMSONxSOLDIER

I'd give it more time. Right now she's just emotionally unstable and it seems to be like you're the only man in her life atm so she leaning on you. Dont give in just yet wait till she gets back on her feet.

"Fool me once, shame on you - fool me twice, shame on me."

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