macphearsome

I have a sudden urge to share this story with you guys.

I was hanging out with some friends at their apartment, playing NHL on the xbox, basically doing nothing productive, when I felt a big bubble of gas rumbling towards my colon.

Being in the company of fellow men, I figured it would be safe to let one rip. Boy was I wrong. No sooner had I raised my leg to let it fly than my friend Dustin yelled out "doorknob!" and was on top of me. To be honest, I've never really played doorknob, so it caught me off guard. I guess you're supposed to run and touch a doorknob, and people get to punch you until you do. I didn't really know this at the time, but even after I figured it out I wasn't about to step down from a fight. I may not be the strongest guy I know, but I'm a scrapper.

So anyways, Dustin is a big guy. I'm 6'1 and 160 pounds, he's 6'4, 200+ pounds, and a hockey player. He knows how to move his weight. The fucker basically lands on me and starts throwing punches everywhere except for the head. I do my best to fight back but after 30 seconds (and about 3 scattered dishes from the coffee table) I decide I need to get out from under this lug and free my bruised kidneys from the range of his fists.

So I manage to squirm away from the couch and run into the kitchen, hoping to move around a bit more and use my speed - I can throw quick jabs. No luck; he pushes me into the kitchen counter and I knock a wine glass off the counter-top, causing it to smash into pieces on the floor

OKAY PAUSE. This isn't my place. It isn't Dustin's place. Three guys are still on the couch watching us, the NHL game is paused. Couch cushions are thrown everywhere and they don't look impressed.

There's a moment of silence, and then I lift up my leg and let another one rip - a real burster- and make a dash for the door. I've never heard a room burst into laughter so quickly.

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"What if I want more than the pale facsimile of fulfillment brought by a parade of ever-fancier toys? To spend my life restlessly producing instead of sedately consuming? Is there an app for that?" - xkcd

Dino image from www.qwantz.com