Intrepid

I'm sure you guys might be tired of reading all these 'busted' threads, but I had to vent. Obviously it's my first time actually posting here, but I have been reading for a while. I feel like such an idiot. I first got into weed about a year or so ago, did it very occasionally. It was just too complex of a situation. My friend would always have barely any weed, and what's more, got it from from a ****ty unreliable connection, we'd roll it into a joint (which took forever) then go to the park near his house to smoke it. It became too troublesome, so we basically stopped.

Then one fateful day a new employee at my work happens to ask if anyone needs weed. My eyes light up, I have finally found someone reliable. And he certainly was, and an awful nice guy too. Needless to say I score a bag off him, and let my friends know. We do it a little more, but not really a whole lot still. Still smoking joints, and dealing with that. But sure enough my new connection offers me a pipe, which I take him up on. Whoa now, smoking just got a whole lot easier. I even began to consider trying it by myself. But refrained. But not for long. Eventually I tried it, liked it, did it more. Months went by. Got an awesome bubbler, began to buy weed more and more. Smoked every weekend with my friends and quite often by myself, in the hot tub or whatnot. Life was decent. Then I get home one day after picking up an 1/8th and being impatient after not having any weed for a week or so. So I'm like, whatever, I'll just smoke this now and open a window. God knows, the smell has always gone away before, be it in the car, the house, anywhere. It had never seemed to be as much of a problem for me as I see people here often saying. But sure enough a "what's that smell... it smells like pot" was heard about 45 mins later. I had the window open the whole time, didn't smell anything myself, but alas, my mom detected it. I got a little nervous, but proceeded to act as normal as possible (which is pretty normal I must say). I also usually don't get really red eyes, so I wasn't afraid to look straight at her when she said "let me see your eyes". Sure enough, I pulled it off. She bought it, and I thought I'd make it after all.

But of course, she came down later that night and asked, "I just wanted to ask, you're not into drugs or anything are you?" 'No...' "but you'd tell me if you were, right?" 'yeah!' "you sure?" etc.. still did not seem as of yet, however, that I was busted.

So I went up to my room, thinking I need to hide my stash a little better, which I did. But of course, forgot about that bubbler. It was hid okay, but not as intelligently as it should have been, like the rest. But the next morning I tell myself I need to take care of it, and of course I forgot about it. Even remembered it when I was downstairs but for some reason didn't think it necessary to go back upstairs and really take care of it. Just maintained that horrible "it can't happen to me" mentality that had seemed to work for so long. You see my mom goes to work about 1-2 hours after I leave for school, so I was (correctly) weary of her searching my room. I knew I had messed up by not hiding it better as of yet, but all day I just concentrated on getting home, taking care of it right away, doing my homework, and just going to work like usual, free to smoke another day.

But of course, when I got home tonight, she had to talk to me about it.. as she had found it. Now I'm thinking I'm twice the idiot, first for smoking in the house so early, and second for not taking my 2 chances I had to take care of that bub. And now I'm ****ed. She's making me see a counselor (because of my brother who got involved with weed and went totally into a downward spiral, but that's totally not me at all. I mean granted I have my problems like anyone else, but I am an intelligent person and I knew my ABC's through and through regarding the effects, contents, and science of weed. I never once used it as an "escape", only as an accessory to life, just like riding a bike might be. My brother was the opposite, and he let it get to him and is paying for it now). Plus I'm grounded for quite a while, can't drive her car (don't really understand that one), and some other menial bull****. I understand her concern completely, as my brother truly did throw most of his life away because he couldn't control himself. But I have always done well in school, and maintained (except for this one day, obviously) a strict set of rules that I would abide by as far as hiding/smoking goes. And it was fun, there are lots of memories.

But I just feel so disappointed in myself that it all came crashing down because of some really stupid mistakes. I'm torn because as of late (by that I mean a couple years though) my stepdad has put a ton of stress on me, my grades have started to decline, my work ethic turned to an utter joke. So on one hand I feel as if this is what I need to get back on track. But at the same time, I feel like I've been needing to get back on track for a long time - but for reasons completely unrelated to weed, and that if I had the self-discipline I've always wished I had, I could still maintain a balance of weed and otherwise in my life. I chose to keep 1/2 of my stash and my pipe in my pocket when she asked if there was anything in the house & for me to go get it, and I'm not sure if that was a wise decision or not. I don't want to betray her trust but at the same time, I'm so taken aback by the whole stupidity surrounding the origin of this mess that I believe I can still keep it an aspect of my life as soon as I straighten up and fly right regarding other areas of my life.

This is an extemely long thread heh, but I take it that if you've read this far then you understand where I'm coming from, have been there, or are worried you'll be there (like I was, as I read everyone else's 'busted' threads). My only advice to you would be, keep it balanced, the middle way is best, and maintain the discipline necessary to make sure that when you smoke, it's not going to put you in harm's way (be that literally and physically or like a situation like mine).

Now I just wonder if I've got it all wrong here and really am messed up. Any input or advice would be tremendously appreciated (just hoping you've read the whole post!)...

Thanks..