DO4

Today I'm very high, very depressed, and very very angry. I recently found out a friend hung herself on the 1st. I found this out 1 day after her funeral. Why is it I was not informed?
Listen to this song to get the full effect of how I feel right now.

.. I wrote this.. go ahead, read and know the people I've met. In which have molded me to the person I am.


Today, as I sit and take a break as I'm pinned inside to wallow in the tears of a missing friend who I just found out about passing on us as she leapead into the arms of God.

While, I was sitting here thinking about her death, and how I'm ashamed I won't be at her funeral due to prior engagements of work (I know this should come before and I feel bad enough about it but I have a livelihood I need to maintain and I am more than positive she would understand) - I keep thinkin of how we're growing up and things are changing. How life really is moving on, and some of us (Unfortunately myself included) aren't moving quick enough with the times, and are slowly being left behind.

Losing friends is one of the hardest things in life to deal with. I've lost 3 personal friends in the past two years and it really sucks. I don't dwell on it, but I mean it just really hurts to talk to someone one day, or think about them the next and then 4 or 5 days later find out they've either been so down that they had nowhere to turn to in their eyes, were blown up in a convoy, or had over corrected their turns and lost their lives due to a simple everyday function that is performed on a regular basis.

This one goes out to Graham Jeffers, Gavin James Colburn, Tamara Sue Zeller, and Abby Stafford.

Graham in whom I did not know personally, yet his love and warmth was passed down as an upper classmen in my younger days. His brother Isreal, they broke the news to him infront of me - I felt the heartbreak Isreal felt that day, I can't speak of such a shattering hault our day came to.. everyone's day came to.. Graham Jeffers died that afternoon while we were at a cross country meet. R.I.P Man.

Gavin James Colburn, or should I said Spc. Colburn was a man among men in a fight of fights for our freedom, our countries self dignity, and a true friend in the eyes of myself. I can't say too much about this man, without losing control and crying myself to sleep. My brother, my best friend, was so cruelly taken out of this world in such rude, cruel and shocking way. I'll never forget that friday morning when Sarah called me to tell me you weren't here man.. I'll never forget the rain I stood in, the blistering cold chapping of the snap of that breeze acrossed that cold hillside, and the 7 gun salute to you. I will never forget the look, on everyone's face.. to realize our Gavin was gone.. I'll never forget, that last Salute you received from myself and Johnny as they lowered your Hero of Soul suit and all into the ground. I'll never forget that last goodbye, that whisper in the wind you gave us all as you tried to comfort us as well all cried and reminisced about the ole days... I'll never forget all the things that we did with Adam, Michael, Micah, and the gang. Football, Basketball, and Professional Hobo Feeding..we loved, love and always will love you with all our hearts.

Tamara Zeller, one of a kind that's all I could ever say about her when I went to school with this girl. I dated her friend Michelle for a little while, and all the time myself and Tamara never got along too much only because of misunderstandings - Although there were times when we would get along like the best of friends. That's what I noticed about you Tamara, you were friends.. with everyone.. not just a few.. not just those you liked.. you did your best to be friends with everyone. You had a fatal accident that rocked us all. Another soul ripped out of lives, without many saying goodbye. I never said goodbye to Tamara, and I'm sure very few of us got to this. Closure came for many of Tamara's friends at her funeral, and her services, but it never came to me because I never said goodbye, I never went to the funeral.. I felt out of place, almost as if I didn't know her.. but I did, and I should've went.. but missed out...

Last, but certainly not least. None of these souls can be put in order of how worthy they are to be mentioned. I simply listed them in order by their deaths and my rememberances. Abby, Abby Stafford. I remember you all the way back to that time I asked for your phone number after you guys won your Jr. High basketball game. I remember talkin, and getting to know you and how good of a person you were. As times changed, and people grew up and apart so did we and we split our ways. You became what you are, and I became what I am.. I met up with you at the Woah of Tyrants concert.. you know.. you had my back in "The Fight" and I totally got you to touch that guys butt.. it was all gravy.. just like we'd never stopped being friends.. just the kindof person you were.. friendly as heck to everyone.. you were what made a few of my days, when I would read some of the messages you'd leave me and I'd laugh at your comments for hours. You were getting ready to start college, you had someone you cared for deeply, you gave yourself to the lord and what way that you felt was right. And we all know, as sad as it makes us.. you are there.. walkin through Heaven with God right now, and in the most caring way he is holding you, hand in hand leading you down the Golden roads of Heaven to show you what heaven is about and how wonderful of a place we all know you are in. God Bless your Abby, and I'm sorry.. I'm soo soo sorry..

Please, as you listen to this song, and read my [post - please feel free to understand and to write back. I am here for you as you are for me.

God Bless you all..