Marijuana.com

cb007sax

I came on this site four years ago, and began to research Marijuana, just out of curiosity. I think it might have been a culmination of cultural factors and plain boredom, but I started college and really ached to try Marijuana. I learned it wasn't physically harmful to the point of overdose and was certainly a better choice (in my opinion) than a night of drinking.

I learned quickly I had a highly addictive reaction to Cannabis, and I wanted to get high all the time. You can go through some of my old posts to see the things I went through at various stages. I wasn't a disciplined person (at all) to begin with, and pot made me truly able to be lazy and not care about it in the least way. I kept researching, reading posts, and convincing myself that things were fine.

Eventually things at school became uneasy. Pot became a daily medication for me, just to not feel any guilt, shame, or pain or depression in any way. I was skipping class, and began smoking less and less with friends, and more and more by myself. I soon failed out of school, and ended up back home with more problems. I eventually (while still smoking) brought my grades up enough to go back, but once gone from the watchful eye of my parents making sure I was going to class, I lost it. I was smoking more than ever, and not caring, becoming totally isolated from all life. It really felt good to smoke all day, listen to music, and simply not enjoy life. This January after assuring my family and myself that I was done with pot, my grades had suffered to the point of failure once again, and I decided that pot was one of the things in my life that had to go. I had become utterly dependent upon it for fleeing from my own, stupid, self caused pain. I had truly started using it as a drug, selling my textbooks, stealing money off my parent's credit cards, etc.

Before last December I really did not want to quit pot, I had no desire to and could not see my life without it. I then went sober and noticed that I could truly live without pot forever if I so chose, being as happy as I wanted or made my life to be. January brought the realization that I couldn't control myself and needed help, so after relapsing, I signed up for a 20 session outpatient rehab clinic, and am on my 7th meeting, attending Alcoholics Anonymous/Narcotics Anonymous every day between my 3-a-week meetings.

I'm feeling good, getting a job, and plan to attend University again in August. I surely don't hate pot, and realized it itself caused nothing in my life. I had made the choices, I had the addictive personality, and I caused ALL of this to topple down on me. All pot did was help me hide my problems and to wash away all shame and sadness. If very well may have happened without pot, though I tend to think it would have been solved by now without it. I plan to stay sober from pot as long as possible and respect the choice of users today to still smoke. I hold nothing against anyone in these forums, and still support changes of law to make pot a decriminalized, if not illegal, substance. I never did any other drugs (ever) other than off topic drink, and never had an addiction to anything but Marijuana (and maybe laziness ).

If any of you are in the same boat, using Marijuana to alter your existence without facing life, I urge and implore you to re-evaluate usage, set ground rules, and make good decisions about life, and pot if you choose to still use. MANY in here are non-addicts who use pot daily without effect on their lives, and I completely respect that. I personally believe I am not able to do so, and will invoke my right to choose what I put into my body.

I want to say finally that pot CAN BE addictive, psychologically. Now, there is a mis-education that I want to harp on that other drugs are physically addictive, hence worse. If you stop to consider it, all other substance addiction IS psychological addiction. Without getting into the particular drug, many, MANY have experienced no physical side effects of addiction and are completely and utterly psychologically dependent on these (mainly illicit) substances. Marijuana has much lower compulsivity associated with usage, but there are people like me who WILL use it as an escape and abuse it in ways it shouldn't be.

I'll answer/argue any posts in here, and hope you all realize nothing is to be said of you all. I respect all Marijuana users, and think nothing less of them than I do any other human being. Be safe, have fun, and be respectful of yourself and the choices you make. If you need help with ANY substance, get it. If you are in trouble, people can help. Peace and MUCH love.

 

dedbr

Good post. I'm glad those meetings are working for ya, and keep us posted about what's going on.......

You made the right decisions it seems, so maybe your not as far gone as you seem......

College can be stressful on many levels, and I'm not sure that you should of smoked there.


Some Where In Ded Land............

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Buzzby

Any time you start using a recreational drug as a means to escape the complex problems of your life, you're starting down a slippery slope with no good ending. It's like paying off a credit card with another credit card. You get deeper and deeper into "debt" (guilt) until it becomes almost impossible to see a way out. "My life is so fucked-up that my best move is to get stoned and ignore it."

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Freedom_User

cb007sax, well said my friend. And thank you for this as well.

Dark

Gonna go ahead and ship this over to places and people

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cb007sax

Sorry about posting it in the 420 lounge, it probably wasn't the best place to put that