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dj Dozhe

This is silliness.
1. She isn't going to see you in the back.
2. Reading a magazine during a religious ceremony is disrespectful.
3. She'll be to distracted while she's being herded through this process to notice whether you're actually in the church

I have reservations about this idea of "support". I'd be conflicted because would want to show someone I care that I support them as a human being, but if you think their path, or the path thrust upon them by the roman empire, is wrong then how can you go there with a clean conscience and support that? You can't. What you can do is just go to a party and hang out.

You should never have to deny something about yourself. If someone starts a conversation about religion feel free to engage, but respectfully of course. If they say something shitty to you just let them know they're bastardly ways just made Jesus kill another kitten. That should stun them long enough for you to escape the stupid.

I went through this exact circumstance a looooong time ago. I went to the party (well, it was at my house. couldn't avoid it), but I sure as shit didn't go to the church. The only thing more painful than witnessing mass delusion, is to take part in it just to appease others.

I go to midnight mass with my father every year as a gift to him. He knows my beliefs, and he respects them in conversation, he just likes the idea of a family at church on christmas. I do not bow, take communion, or any other form of worship/praise. I just sing the carols when it's time. Still, I feel weird every time I step into a church.

Sorry for the length. I got caught up in it. Hope there's something in there that helps.

 

SpiralArchitect

I am sure you have already made your decisions Dark, but here is my 2 cents...

I'd say go to both the ceremony and celebration afterwards. Your support is infinitely more valuable to her than your beliefs. Let your family think what they want, however, not attending is likely to raise suspicions and criticism more than actually attending, atheist or not.

Everyone, well most, want to be an individual and take pride in their beliefs and ideas. However, it's often the 'bigger man' who swallows his pride to show unconditional love and support to their friends, family, and perhaps even humanity if we want to get really philosophical.

My religions beliefs are diametrically opposed with much of my families, and because of this I have been at the receiving end of their belittling comments. I am the 'black sheep' as some say. My lifestyle is ridiculed by some of my family members, but I don't let it get to me. That is their loss for not taking the effort out of their life to understand that not everyone is going to conform to expectations -- consanguine or not.

I really liked how Buzzby put it, so I am going to quickly quote him and wrap this up:
Go and support your lil' cousin. If attending the ceremony is really too much for you to handle, then don't, but I think that may be a wee bit selfish. This is about her, not you. I think you should be their to show your little cousin the love and support she deserves, in a milestone in her life, both physically and spiritually.

__________________
I embrace my desire to
feel the rhythm,
to feel connected enough to step aside and weep like a widow
to feel inspired, to fathom the power, to witness the beauty, to bathe in the fountain,
to swing on the spiral of our divinity and still be a human.

Dark

I discussed the issue with her parents.
Her father basically scoffed at my beliefs and would barely look me in the eyes afterwards. He completely ignored my request to respect my views and he went on lecturing me on how I'm wrong........
There's a whole lot more to the story just shit I rather not even get into

I didn't go. I rather not discuss this anymore because I'm pretty upset about the whole thing, but I thought I'd let you guys know...
I tried, I really did.

__________________

SpiralArchitect

That's his loss then, both a loss of respect as an uncle and the ability to display your love to your cousin. You obviously care for your little cousin, but not being at the receiving end of ridicule. That's ignorant of him to judge you on your beliefs, shame on him. There isn't much that upsets me more than when religious beliefs takes precedent over family...

Dark

Actually her parents are just other cousins of mine, not an uncle. But yeah...the only thing that is keeping me sane right now is "his loss".
Maybe I'll call my lil cousin later on or something just to wish her congrats again. I mean in all honesty she doesn't care much if I'm there or not, it's not like we're close. But it is considerate of me to do something nice for her at least. I can't punish her for her parents beliefs, but I can't attend a party like that hosted at their home...
Ah well.

 

JohnBoySmoker

I think its time for the moderators to lock this thread up as its now history.
Its getting close to summer and you could take her to some local theme park or something like that.

Dark

Considering I am a moderator, how about you leave that choice up to me . For the record, no it's not getting locked, or tanked.

SpiralArchitect

Dark is a moderator. If he wants to lock it up, I am sure he can.

And JohnnyBoySmoker, that is a good idea I hadn't thought of. Perhaps her father (excuse me for assuming your uncle) will let you have some time where you can just 'hang out' and show that their is more to family than religious bonds -- love is where its at, baby...

O High O

Hope you feel better, Dark.

__________________

Darque Pervert

Dark, I wholly understand.
Over the past couple years, my mom has decided that she needs to point out all the ways I've failed in her eyes. One of the big ones is that I don't go to church or believe in God, or at least her version of God.

Our relationship has deteriorated from a close-knit trusting relationship to one where the only thing I can do for her on Mother's Day is send an email. Not even a lame e-card, but an email. I didn't even call her, since I know that every conversation we have devolves into anger and bitterness.
Yeah, I feel bad about it. I miss having an open & understanding relationship with my mom, but it ain't that way any more.

I love my mom. But I can't say I like her.

__________________

Life is always a spiral. It's the choices of the individual as to whether that spiral is aimed up or down.