iamskfan

Ok, we were at church this Sunday and the preacher started talking about rationalizing sin, to make it right. That rationalization of sin, means you are lying to yourself to make what your doing right.
So, me and some friends were in stoner talk the other day and we started talking about the rationalization thing, and how people rationalize why they cheat in a relationship, and then we got to what constitutes cheating. (funny how stoner talk evolves)
Ok, so what constitutes cheating to you guys?
Would sexual talk, but no touch between two be cheating?
Phone sex?
oral sex?
or does it take the actual physical act of having sex with someone to be cheating? (Bill Clinton style, you know)
So, what do you guys think crosses the line into cheating?
There were about 20 of us in this conversation, and the answers varied greatly. My husband and I thought the first to be cheating in a way, others had other views. What do you guys think?

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Vicki

Well, if you want to go by the Bible, there is a scripture that says something to the effect that if you think about the act in your mind, then you have already committed the sin in your heart. I can't remember the exact scripture, though.

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iamskfan

I remember that verse in the Bible, of course, don't remember where it is. But on a personal belief level is what I was wondering, b/c not everyone here goes by what the Bible says.

Vicki

Well, then, my own personal feelings on the subject are about the same, really.

Pompo

I'm of the opinion that if your spouse/partner/significant other has knowlege of it and finds it acceptable, it's not cheating. If your spouse/partner/significant other isn't aware of the activity and/or finds the behavior unacceptable, then it's cheating.

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Mikeebud

Yeah, I don't follow the authors Who wrote a book.

I do agree with that passage though.

I don't agree with when people say your a homewrecker, When a girl comes to you wanting something sexual, If you say no, do you think that'll fix the problem? She just goes to the next guy, So Your just providing a service in my eyes, Your not doing wrong, It's her.

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Yana Usdi

Between Pompo and Vicki that pretty well covered it for me. I don't think people in a relationship need to be shopping to see what their options are, even if they don't actually cheat I'd be damned upset to find someone I was involved with sex talking with someone else and I'd imagine she would be too.

But, it's not a sharp line all the time. My wife and I used to know a couple who were more flirtatious than we normally are and sometimes we'd joke a bit there, but always as a group and always with everyone in on the joke.

Pretty much I'd guess it depends on if you feel you're betraying a trust or not. If your partner wouldn't approve then you probably shouldn't be doing it behind their back. If you have to do it then at least be honest with them and yourself and find someone better suited to you who won't be hurt by it eventually.

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ITG

To me, cheating is when there's an actual physical sexual connection between the two people, so on here, I said "oral sex," though a handjob and the like would also count. I wouldn't classify phone sex as cheating per se, but still a huge breach of trust.

And with sexual talk, I guess I would need more information about what that is... does innuendo count? Because innuendo is just plain fun. I think intent behind whatever the talk is would be the defining factor about whether it's okay or not.

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Gale

I agree with ITG on this one, when you find someone cheating on you through talking/language they havent done any initial physical act, so although it would break alot of trust i still think you might be able to build your relationship back up.

But when you do something physical with another person and it was an act that was behind your partners back or without their knowledge than i consider that cheating and thats just unacceptable.

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_Jay

My thoughts exactly.

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