Mysterious Secret Agency absorbed into DEA in 1975!

xxdr_zombiexx · 10-01-2002, 09:53 PM

I was searching for stuff - the song by the "hooters" All you Zombies" stuck in my head and I had sought out the lyrics.

Along the way I find this:

Quote:

The Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency (1868-1975)
From 1868 to 1975, the Federal Vampire & Zombie Agency (FVZA) was responsible for controlling the nation's vampire and zombie populations while overseeing scientific research into the undead. This site is a tribute to the men and women who served in the FVZA, especially the over 4000 Agents who lost their lives fighting to keep our country safe. In addition to paying tribute to the FVZA, this site hopes to call attention to dangerous research being done at the Santa Rosa Institute in New Mexico: research that runs the risk of bringing back a scourge of vampires worse than any before.

-Dr. Hugo Pecos

Apparently the Feds used to use our taxes to chase vampires and zombies. These were, according the FOIA documents, substantial threats at one time. There's quite a lot there so go visit the site!

These are the same Feds that staked out (tee hee) New Orleans for a year and could only find 12 prostitutes. How are these idiots supposed to chase vampires, which can fly and turn into steam, and other illegal morphing tricks prohibited by the DEA? This is from the same government that used to believe (and probably still does) that "man can harness the power of hurracaines". All we can really do is run away.

Conversely, what's slower than a zombie? How hard can it be to catch one once ya find it? we've all seen the movies - even an angry frightened lady can pull herself together and whack zombies a good one.

Leave it to the Federal Government to set it's sights way to high, put life and limb at risk, while not being able to effectively discharge the simplest of duties.

You'll note that the Agency went "defunct" in 1975.

I thought that date sounded distantly familiar, so I did some further searching.

Look what else I found:

Quote:

Central Tactical Units (1975)

In April 1975, the DEA created the first of its central tactical units (CENTAC) to concentrate enforcement efforts against major drug trafficking organizations. Prior to this, due to lack of coordination on a national level, many drug investigations were terminated following the arrest of low-level dealers or an occasional top figure, who was quickly replaced. However, CENTAC targeted major worldwide drug trafficking syndicates from a central, quick-response command post in Washington, D.C. Eight CENTACs investigated heroin manufacturing organizations in Lebanon, Asia, and Mexico. Three other CENTACs targeted large cocaine organizations from Latin America that operated in the United States. Yet other CENTACs dismantled criminal groups that manufactured and distributed LSD, PCP, and amphetamines.

The implications are chilling. A rogue and super-secret federal agency charged with chasing down supernatural monsters, which were on killing sprees all across America, is dissolved and absorbed into the DEA.

The DEA was vastly interested in their knowledge of zombie and vampire travel networks, as it simply assumed marijuana caused both vampirsm and zombification. It took their knowledge and databases and assimilated many of its employees. The rest were "disposed of". They are some of the "4000" lost protecting our country.

They did bust the heroin and cocaine groups they talk about - then promtly imported the goods for DEA profits - a practice referred to as "controlled delivery".

Quote:

A DEA spokesman in Washington, D.C., confirms that such a shipment via commercial airlines, called a controlled delivery, is still a tool in the agency’s crime-busting arsenal. In a controlled delivery, law enforcement allows a stash of illegal street drugs, like heroin or cocaine, to be transported from an originating location to its destination, under close surveillance, in an effort to snare drug-syndicate kingpins.

One DEA agent provided an affidavit in Duke’s legal case stating that during his tour of duty in Pakistan — from 1989 to 1993 — the DEA undertook “at least 30 such controlled deliveries.”
Reaching for the Sky

Pretty slick for a government agency - openly smuggling narcotics into the US while all the time pretending to be "protecting Americans' or 'working a case'.

The DEA formed unholy alliances with some vampires and zombies, used them to set-up marijuana entrapment, then disguised them for use in high-profile marijuana cases as "material witensses", all in exchange for bodily fluids and shiney, late-model SUV's with dark tinted windows. (Apparently materialism dies hard.)

So today, many of the top eschelon in the DEA are callous uncaring bureaucrats who care less about terrorists, are actively friends with vampires and neglect totally the problem of the undead walking about. All the DEA cares about is their massive budgets, their above-the law staus under the FEDS, and the crushing of Marijuana Culture.

Happy Halloweed! (Even to you poor dopey DEA trainees who are assigned to monitor all these chat threads. Smoke a fat one while the cheese is gone....and keep yer neck covered up!)

Z

Shaman · 10-01-2002, 11:57 PM

*dons tin foil hat*

Yeah, and bill clinton is a space alien, I saw it in the weekly world news

Did you look for anything else that references this "government agency"?

If I knew web design, I could whip up a million pages for defunkt government agencies.
I'm kind of dissapointed in you, zombie.

Wait... is this a joke?

xxdr_zombiexx · 10-02-2002, 12:56 AM

It's my first internet rumor! I made it up myself! Do you like it?

I think there is a lucrative market in the untapped potential to start rumours.

Bill Clinton, Space Alien - I don't think so.

Al Gore - perhaps. I'm sure we all would have expected more.

Me - possibly exiled space alien from a very conservative planet.
Do not worry - I come in silliness.

Actually, my first rumor was that Pam - the cooking spray - kills ghosts and eliminates hauntings big and small. Just spray it on liberally and the Ectoplasm just melts away!

Forseeing it flying off the shelves, I was going to start this rumor after buying stock in Pam. Given the wide readership of the National Enquirer, and the willingness of the public to STILL buy into reefer madness, I am sure I can make a mint.

Yes.. it's just for fun....I just had a bout of cerebral flatulence and it was just too easy to tie the DEA into anything sinister, since they are already scarier than vampires.

(Though if vampires do exist, they are part of the 1% - it would explain thier aversion to term limits, as well as their unwavering desire to bleed people dry.)

Shaman · 10-02-2002, 01:29 AM

*removes tin foil hat*
Phew! Thought you were trying to control my brain there for a second...

I didn't come up with the Bill Clinton thing, it was on the cover of a Weekly World News a few years ago. As far as its marketability as an internet rumor, yeah, I love it! I think you should re-format it into chain letter format, and send it to all your friends. Put something at the end that says that the vampires will attack THEM if they don't forward it to 10 people in the next 10 minutes. And don't you dare send it to me or I'll suck your bloooooooooooooooooooood!

Mr.Mojorisin · 10-02-2002, 02:06 AM

My hats stuck

Hehe, yeah, rumors go hella far. This kid copyed a cnn page and wrote up a story about a band dying in a plane crash and somehow got it on a major site. Sure enough, few days later, everyones talking about this band dying, think it might have gotten on MM but I cant really remember.

Oh yeah, and who wants to place bets on how long it takes the internet crazies to start a cult over this?

GrassyAss · 10-10-2007, 07:10 PM

That's ridiculously out of control. haha

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10-01-2002, 11:57 PM	#2
Shaman Seasoned Activist Join Date: Mar 2001 Posts: 1,509 Grams: 5,312.50 Thanks: 0 Thanked 2 Times in 1 Post Stock Portfolio Total Value: 0.000 Gain/Loss: 0.000%	dons tin foil hat Yeah, and bill clinton is a space alien, I saw it in the weekly world news Did you look for anything else that references this "government agency"? If I knew web design, I could whip up a million pages for defunkt government agencies. I'm kind of dissapointed in you, zombie. Wait... is this a joke? __________________ It seems like we are either sleepwalking through our waking state or wakewalking through our dreams.

10-02-2002, 12:56 AM	#3
xxdr_zombiexx Blogger Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 1,094 Grams: 6,107.62 Thanks: 17 Thanked 44 Times in 21 Posts Stock Portfolio Total Value: 0.000 Gain/Loss: 0.000%	This is not a joke It's my first internet rumor! I made it up myself! Do you like it? I think there is a lucrative market in the untapped potential to start rumours. Bill Clinton, Space Alien - I don't think so. Al Gore - perhaps. I'm sure we all would have expected more. Me - possibly exiled space alien from a very conservative planet. Do not worry - I come in silliness. Actually, my first rumor was that Pam - the cooking spray - kills ghosts and eliminates hauntings big and small. Just spray it on liberally and the Ectoplasm just melts away! Forseeing it flying off the shelves, I was going to start this rumor after buying stock in Pam. Given the wide readership of the National Enquirer, and the willingness of the public to STILL buy into reefer madness, I am sure I can make a mint. Yes.. it's just for fun....I just had a bout of cerebral flatulence and it was just too easy to tie the DEA into anything sinister, since they are already scarier than vampires. (Though if vampires do exist, they are part of the 1% - it would explain thier aversion to term limits, as well as their unwavering desire to bleed people dry.)

10-02-2002, 02:06 AM	#5
Mr.Mojorisin Mr. M Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 1,872 Grams: 2,598.95 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Stock Portfolio Total Value: 0.000 Gain/Loss: 0.000%	My hats stuck Hehe, yeah, rumors go hella far. This kid copyed a cnn page and wrote up a story about a band dying in a plane crash and somehow got it on a major site. Sure enough, few days later, everyones talking about this band dying, think it might have gotten on MM but I cant really remember. Oh yeah, and who wants to place bets on how long it takes the internet crazies to start a cult over this? __________________ "There are things known and there are things unknown, and in between are the doors." Jim Morrison "I believe in the near future, the government will use anti-drug hysteria to set up a police state" author William S. Burroughs, 1947.

10-10-2007, 07:10 PM	#6
GrassyAss Jr. Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 906 Grams: 3,195.92 Thanks: 4 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Stock Portfolio Total Value: 0.000 Gain/Loss: 0.000%	That's ridiculously out of control. haha __________________ Read Cannabis Culture and High Times. And chill ooouuuttt... Avatar brought to you by the skillz masta, 420Aesthetics.

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