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smokeyph

My life is a four. Its not as much that things are bad, just that nothings ever good. Life is ordinary.

 

imported_SeCReT_St0neR

My life is sometimes at a 2 and sometimes a 10. Right now it is 10. I am content, tummy is full, and I am surrounded by those that love me. There are downsides that I could mention but won't, less fortunate people surround us everywhere we are. Imagine if all the tsunami survivors could tell you how they feel. Thats what really affects me now. I don't think I will be really happy for awhile until time passes. Seeing all the flags at half-mass will continue to pull on my heart.

Richi

i put 10, cuz i hav nothin to complain about. sure... i cud sit and wish i wud win the lottary, but then again so can everyone. but i cant sit and wish i hav a house and food, but still loads of ppl can. i get good grades, parents r cool (let me drink, grow/smoke weed, go out wenever and do watever), loads of cool friends and i just cant complain.

imported_bcbud420

i put 6 but i would have put 5 but there wasnt and its more of a 6 than a 4, i put that cause i moved and it sucks i dont even have anyone to smoke or party with and its pretty ****ty. before i moved i would have put 9 or 10 though.

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tunami56

I didn't put anything because I seriously don't know. My thoughts on this are close to joedetroll's: I should be happy, I get good grades (well, did this past school year), I have friends I see every day, there are no problems in my family, but I'm not happy. Actually, I don't know if I'm happy or not. There are a few things making me unhappy, one of which is the fact that I completely blew my chance with a guy I like, and who probably like(d) me, but because I didn't do anything about it, I will most likely never see him again.

I also can't get my mind off of this one thing. I was looking at posters on the internet, and I guess I was in the anti-war section, and I came across this picture. I didn't enlarge it, because I couldn't. I mean, the computer would have let me, but I seriously couldn't look at it. I can barely even say what it was. I'll just say it was anti-war, it had a picture of a baby who must have... I don't know, died I suppose, from American soldiers, and said "Proud Parents?", refering to the parents of the soldiers who did that to the baby. The picture was so horrible, it's been days and I still see it when I close my eyes, I sometimes can't help myself from seeing it when I'm awake. I was completely anti-war before this experience, but I believe that just seeing that picture and knowing what had happened would make anyone hate war and anything that has to do with it. This could change people, but I couldn't ever show it to anyone, I couldn't even look at it again. I wouldn't want to do that to them, you know? It gave me nightmares, when ever I see it in my mind I freak out, I nearly cry when I think of it, it's like I couldn't do that to someone.

Another thing that's bothering me is my friends. Okay, there are four guys (I'm a girl) that are my best friends (I also have a best friend who is a girl) and I hang out with them almost every day. Me, A, and H (both A and H are in the group of the five of us) went to out friend's ranch this weekend. I was pretty moody the second day, not really for a reason but that the guy who's ranch it was (S) and H kept making fun of me, and they were kidding, but they do all the time, and it really gets to me (I think I'm pretty sensitive... lol) . Well they were noticing I wasn't talking and just staring into space (I had been doing so for, like, an hour) and they kept asking me what was wrong, and so I told S, and he told H to stop, but he didn't. Finally, I got mad and told H to stop it, that I never make fun of anyone, call them names, or insult them, even if I'm kidding, and that I just sit there all the time, not talking, and they still make fun of me, even though I don't do anything to them and I don't "defend myself", I just sit there. So I sat there, and I was sort of about to cry (there's seriously something wrong with me... lol) and feeling sorry for myself, basking in my own misery, I guess. So S is really sorry and he said that I was a really good person and stuff, and that I was gonna go to heaven and all of them would go to hell (even though I don't really belive in either). H never said that he was sorry, but whatever, he's a year younger, and during that trip, A (his older brother) and I realized he doesn't "know as much stuff as us). Later that day they kept telling me that I was depressed, and I was telling them I wasn't, but they said I was but I didn't know it. They said I acted alot happier when I was with my other friends (the girl who's my other best friend and the people who hang out with her and me), and that's true. But I think that I'd be alot happier if T was back from his dad's. T is one of my best friends, actually he and my girl best friend are my very best friends. I'm better friends with him because we really understand each other, like the same things, we're just a really good match. Neither of us really fit into the group of the five us. We're the only one's who really love music and listen to it and know it, we're really into politics, we actually like to do stuff, unlike the others who only want to play video games. A said whenever I go to A and H's house I always seem depressed, but that's just because I'm deep in thought, and really bored because all I do is watch them play video games, or really just sit there while they play and think about life.

I guess I really don't know what's going on. Recently all I care about is art and beautiful stuff, you know? I've been taking photographs, making art, listening to beautiful and thought-inducing music (mostly Garden State soundtrack), looking for art and independant movie posters for my room. While they love movies with Will Smith, Adam Sandler, Ben Stiller (not that they are bad actors), and the rest of those actors that are just part of corporate America, that cast people based on looks and fame, that are in movies that play at the gigantic theatres, where people go to be with their with there friends, not to actually experience a movie, I love movies like Garden State, Mean Creek, Big Fish, Billy Elliot... movies that are beautiful, that make you think about your entire life, movies that you actually remember. T likes movies like that, too, but if I showed them to the others, they would just "make jokes" the whole time, and not appreciate the beautiful visuals and music, and get bored and stop watching to play video games. Sorry, it really sounds like I don't like my friends at all and that I'm just talking about how inadequate (sp?) they are as friends and people. I really want to be friends with my brother's friends, they are 3 or 4 years older than me, but they are what I really want in friends. They love independant movies, they never sit around and play video games or watch TV, they love doing things, like going to a tea shop or something... interesting. I guess stuff like that comes with age, but I want that now. I really should be happy. I have all the music and books I need, I have friends, it's summer, I'm going to high school next year. Although that might be a bad thing. The school that I'm going to is very... preppy. I don't mean to be prejudiced or stereotypical, but I with I was going to a school that had... individuals. Oh well, I'm going to be as much of an individual as humanly possible, and try to find a group of people who appreciate art and beautiful film and meaningful music... The bad thing is, out of the five of us, A and I are the only ones going to the same school. I wish I was going to the same school as one of them, it's a small preforming and visual art school, where everyone is an individual and I bet everyone drinks tea and watches independant movies.

Okay, sorry for the extremly long and mostly pointless collection of my thoughts... not exactly thoroughly thought out and organized, but I think that did me more good than it will for any of ya'll. Mostly because barely anyone will see this, I just found this searching through old posts. Well, thanks for listening, or for not listening, whichever is pretty good. I hope your life is good right now and hopefully less confusing than mine.