LoLo888

Hi all, I have a pre-employment drug screening and physical coming up this Thursday afternoon and I have a few questions. First of all, how does everyone seem to know what type of test they will be getting before they go to the clinic? I have received no correspondence from the clinic itself, only from the potential employer telling me the time and location of my test. Would it be advisable to call the clinic and ask them in advance? Do you think they would keep that confidential from the employer if I did so? I would assume the majority of tests would be pee tests?

Also, it is going to be a back to back drug screening and physical (I asked) so the apparatus and synthetic pee I purchased for subbing would seem to be useless at this point. I was kind of counting on using it, so now I am very nervous about diluting. I do have creatine powder, but I haven't been great about taking it every day cuz I thought I'd be subbing. One question about diluting - when people say to take rolaids or tums, are there different formulas that have the "stuff" you need in them? I bought a bottle of tums and the only active ingredient listed is calcium carbonate. I'm not sure, but that doesn't sound like an electrolyte that would help with specific gravity. Should I be looking for an antacid with certain ingredients like magnesium or potassium?

So here are my stats: I'm female, 5'4", about 175 lbs. with a slowish metabolism. I had been pretty sedentary until I found that the test was coming, at which point I tried to get some workouts in, but not daily like I should have. The reason for this is that I've been switching from daily pot to booze to take the edge off, and the booze is pretty non-condusive to working out (let that be a lesson to ya'll). I was a daily smoker for years and years, but had only been smoking a bowl or two of schwag every day for the past year or so. This is my tenth day clean, and by the day of my test it will be 12 days.

Any advice or predictions about my outcome if I follow the dilution method would be most welcome.

LoLo888

I have a couple more points that I forgot to add:

How long does it usually take to get your results? Can you call the clinic for results a few days later if you haven't heard anything from your employer?

Also, just wanted to warn everyone, BEWARE when buying drug tests from unreputable online sources - I got a pack of 5 1-panel THC tests from Ebay, and when I followed the instructions, it said read the results after 5 minutes, but not after 5 minutes. Well I've used two so far, and both showed NOTHING at ALL after 5 minutes (which the directions indicate eqauls "invalid") and only produced color after a couple of hours. The control line would finally show up, and the side of the window towards the test line would show a purple smudge creeping accross the window, but no line. I have no idea what this could mean, other than that the tests were BUNK or expired or something. Shell out the $15 bucks for a test from CVS or something, cuz that's what I will have to do now anyway.

biggdoc12

sub it! the only way to go. you will most likely do the screen first than the physical. you have the advantage of a vajayjay. i recommend finding a clean sample over using synthetic. apparently there are some bad batches out there. wal-mart sells 3oz empty travel bottles for $0.50. heat the sample to body temp. test with a digital thermometer and insert into the vajayjay. and away you go. i had to stuff the bottle down below my balls. not very comfortable but it kept the sample at 96 degrees! after emptying the sample into the cup insert the empty bottle back into your vajayjay. after you sign some papers they will take you to another room and ask you to put on a rope while waiting for the dr. so you can just take the empty bottle out and put it in your purse or something. very easy. won't do it any other way from now on.

LoLo888

Thanks for the reply bigdoc! Your answer seems super-logical and might be the best way to go - but I have one concern... See you are a guy and therefore have no idea the trauma we women endure when something is stuck in our vajay-jay...I have had a tampon get stuck up there, string and all, and PANICKED because its damn hard to get it out once it gets "sucked up in there" LOL

But you definately got me thinking... maybe I could tie a string around the neck of the bottle so I could easily retrieve it after the test? Any other girls have experience with this? The idea of shoving a hard plastic bottle up my vaj with no good way to get it out just kind of scares me....

biggdoc12

there ya go! now your thinking! if it's any comfort to you, the bottle is smaller than my penis. length and diameter. so if you can handle an average sized penis (i might be bragging a little) than you should be able to handle this no problem. might be uncomfortable but you should be fine.

LoLo888

Well I just answered my own question - I tried with a 2-oz hair product bottle I had and tied the string around the neck. I don't think the string even matters cuz the top of the bottle was still sticking out, there was no way for it to go in any further lol. Now I just have to practice with temps and stuff - I'm just gonna use the synth urine I bought since I don't have a clean donor anyway.

So one more question now - do pre-employment physicals usually include a gyn exam for women??? They better the eff not, but I just don't want to have to worry about that too! The employer told me the whole shebang (drug test and physical) should take 1-1.5 hours, so that's the only reason I ask...

biggdoc12

i don't think so. that would be the equivalent of giving me a prostate exam at a physical. ain't no body playing with my butt without advanced notice! i'm into being spontanious but not with a doctor, well maybe a nurse! lol! practice makes perfect. do you have a friend that has a daughter? use hers! i used my 6 year olds sons and just got the results back a few mins ago. startin on monday! they don't or can't test for age. i would go with the same sex just to be safe. mind you, it is a little wierd asking your kid to pee in a jar but they for get about it in like 10 minutes! read the threads about the RESULTS = SYNTHETIC URINE!

biggdoc12

[quote=LoLo888;960135]Well I just answered my own question - I tried with a 2-oz hair product bottle I had and tied the string around the neck. I don't think the string even matters cuz the top of the bottle was still sticking out, there was no way for it to go in any further lol. Now I just have to practice with temps and stuff - I'm just gonna use the synth urine I bought since I don't have a clean donor anyway.

btw, that's hot! kidding, maybe! just practice, don't get nervous and you will be fine.

LoLo888

So I walked in on Thurs. and they had me pee in a cup - didn't even tell me not to flush or wash my hands. I had followed N2's dilution method after passing a home test the day before. So I come out with my pee cup thinking "I'm good to go bitches!" and the next thing the nurse says to me is "they told you you wold be getting a hair test, right?"

Well I just about shit myself then and there - they cut a chunk out of my hair and I was positive I was fucked, only having 12 days clean under my belt. I cried my eyes out after the appt. cuz I knew I would be missing out on this great job opportunity. Oh and the hair test was Psychemedics, btw. So I set out applying for new jobs , when lo and behold...

The job I tested for called me today and the HR girl sayed they got everything back and I'm all set to start on Monday! !!!!

I'm like totally shocked and bewildered that I "passed" but screw it, I'm good to go!!!! I feel like I totally stole a chicken dinner! W00T!!!!!

KillerWeed420

This is very odd. How could you have passed a hair test? A daily smoker for years.