DaDornta

Well I knew that this summer i'd be getting a job, and more than likely they would do a piss test. I've recently had weight loss surgery so im loosing quite a bit of weight rapidly as of late. I knew that no matter how long I quit for, or how much water I drank that THC would be in my system because of all the fat I was loosing with over a years worth of THC in there...

So I decided early on to do subsitution, but I didn't really plan things to well. I sort of slacked off on finding a donor, and didn't really have a plan of attack as to what to do.

So on Friday I find out that I need to go in for a UA after an interview. The lady asks if I can go that day, and I tell her I'm already at home. She says she'll reschedule me for Tuesday. I tell her that's fine...

I smoke all weekend, and this morning I realize I need to figure out somthing to pass this test. I've been to this testing place twice before so I know that I will be allowed to close the door behind me and be in privacy. So a subsitution method would be easy to pull off.

I call up my only clean friend I know. He's at work and dosen't get off in time...damn!

So I go grab a cup, a stick, some tape, and my dog....

My dog just walks around and around not doing what I want him to do. I give him a big bowl of ice cold bottled water and he drinks some. I nervously sit around and hope that in 20 minutes he'll have to go.

20 minutes pass and I take my dog out. I follow him around once more in the backyard and belive it or not he starts to pee. I hurry over and get my cup underneath and score exactly 2oz of clean urine. I worry it won't quite be enough so I add half an oz of warm tap water.

I carefully take the cup off the stick and take it inside. I have a small 6oz bottle that has oz markings on the side ready. I carefully poured the urine into the bottle and seal it off. I grab a thick wool hiking sock and put the bottle into the sock sideways at the toe.

I go out into my garage and find a "toe warmer" that has an adhesive side, and says on the package it has a temp. range of 100-107F...

I roll the bottle up in the sock, and about halfway through I stick the toe warmer on the sock and continue to roll it all the way up. I use a little tiny piece of duct tape to secure the end of the sock...

I make sure and wear a pair of tighty-whities and a pair of boxer briefs overtop. I place the rolled sock up in "my spot", pull up my undies and pants and i'm good to go.

Before I get to the testing place I pull into an adjacent parking lot, and remove the bundle from my pants. I brought along a human digital oral thermometer and check the temp of my sample...104F...a little high but I can work with it.

I put everything back, pull around into the lab's parking lot and go inside. I have to wait for a whille, so I make sure to spread my legs to keep the sample from getting to hot to deal with.

I get called back into the collection area. I sit down, fill out some paperwork. Then I empty my pockets, and give the lady my photo ID. After that she told me to wash my hands and sit back down. After I had done that she hands me the sample cup with a black marker line drawn on it. She says "fill to the line, don't flush when your done".

I go into the room, close the door and get my sample out. Easy as pie...!

After the sample is in the cup (it was JUST enough!) I blew on it and swished it around for about a minute. I checked the temp strip on the cup and it says 98F...sweet!

I stuff the sock and bottle back into my underware, open the door and hand the sample to the lady at the desk. She pours it into two botles and puts labels on them, makes me sign them and tells me to flush the toilet and wash my hands again. After that's done I get a recipt and I'm on my way.

I go and smoke a bowl on the way home before writing this!

I only have two concerns...First is using dog urine instead of human urine...the second is the half oz of warm tap water I added. I hope that won't throw anything off to badly.

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IamN2pot

I'll be intrested to hear your results. N2

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hauptmann

Ive known people that have passed with k9 urine. I really dont think it will be a problem. Unless your dog is scooby doo.

The dog deserves a scooby snack btw.

Its probably not meant to be humorous but this is without a doubt the funniest drug testing story that I have read. lol, I love the part about the stick and the cup, too funny.

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Greenbud

Yeah, I can't wait to hear about your results. I've always wondered if dog urine could be used for substitution. If it works, I know I'll at least have an easy to find, willing donor!!

Dog urine (at least my dog's urine) seems to be more concentrated, so adding a little water shouldn't hurt. I've done enough urinalysis procedures on dog urine to know how concentrated it can be. I hope the tap water you added didn't dilute it too much, though.

Hey, maybe a few people out there with some at-home test kits could try it using their dogs' urine too? You know, in the name of science? It would be interesting to see what kind of results different people get.

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DaDornta

What's funnier is that I was out there chasing the dog around going, "C'mon...go pee-pee...go pee-pee!!!" All the neighbors probably heard me...

I don't really see why dog urine won't work...In the substituion sticky someone asked about gender or age and it was stated that wasn't tested...just had to be clean. Well, I know my dog is clean...

IamN2pot

Greenbud, it's not the 'drug' test it will fail. It's the urine 'validity' test. If the pH, nitrites, creatinine, and S.G. are all within cutoffs, I can see no reason why it would fail, but I've never tested any animal urine. My safty officer at work told me of someone that failed using horse urine. But I don't know what DOT validity check it failed. Waiting for results to be posted... N2

DaDornta

***UPDATE ON DOG URINE***

It's been 8 days and I recieved a call from the employer, offering me the job. I would assume I passed the drug test. In this instance, it seems I have managed to get away with not only smoking the morning (2-3 hours prior), but immidiatley afterwards also. Dog urine seems to do the trick. Just thought there are some people here who might be helped by my experiance.

melanotaenia

that is TOO cool. No every stoner should have a dog so they don't have to wake up their sober friend for a "sample"

Cheers to you and your McGyver type methodology to passing the drug tests.
I guess those urine tests are not as "foolproof" as everyone at the labs think lol.

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