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tokinloki

Ok, kids here is the story. Last week, I was sitting in my little cubicell minding my own business pondering the fact that I was going to be mired in busy season until mid October when my phone rang. It was a head-hunter, long story short – job offer – pretty sweet one too – more money, more vacation God was in his heaven and all was right with the world.

Today, note AFTER I told my boss that I was leaving in two weeks, I got a call from someone in HR, “hiya gosh we’re all just thrilled to pieces that you’ve accepted our offer oh by the by no biggie but when you were here we forgot to have you sign this one last little form so we can run a background check on you and of course you’ll need to pee in a cup, but it’s not a thing, more formality than anything.” As all reading this might imagine, I damn near fainted. I had scoured their website and every piece of paper they had given me and this was the first I had heard of this drug test.

I spent the better part of the day calling and e-mailing everyone I thought might have some knowledge in these matter and researching the living hell out of drug tests online. I shudder to think of how this is all going to look if tech support bothers to track my internet usage, but hey what are they going to do fire me. I was so pissed off at myself, the company, the Reagan administration, television for being so boring as to drive me to this terrible plant, name it I was mad at it. I spent a lot of time on this site vacillating between panicking, thinking it would all turn out all right, and then panicking again. The only reason I’m even rational at the moment is because my boss asked if I would give them a chance to make a counter offer – well that and I’m drowning myself in the only legally accepted intoxicant I could find. My gawd firewater sucks.

I’ve read a lot on this site and got some really good information so I thought I’d throw out my plan to see what the group thinks. I promise that good or bad, I’ll come back and post my results.

For some background, I’m in my mid 30’s, 5’4”, 130 ish, no clue about my metabolism. I run 3.5 miles every morning before work, karate twice a week, hiking, biking, boogie boarding on the weekends that type of thing. I have savage ADD so I don’t sit still all that long. I smoke high quality hydro on a daily basis and have for a number of years with precious little interest in quitting.

All I know about this test is that it is at some lab and is a urine test. I called the HR nazi today to try to gleam some details claiming that I was concerned about the fact that I’m on Adderall and have heard that it will cause a false positive for some fairly hard core drugs. They are mailing me some form with instructions. I figure it will be here early next week. I’m hoping to get this over with one way or the other before I have to tell my current boss yea or nay on staying on. That’s all I know.

I threw money at the problem in typical American fashion and bought a delicious looking bottle of Ultimate Blend at the local headshop.

My plan is this:
1. cold turkey on the green
2. lots of water, cranberry juice, etc between now and then
3. occasional panic attacks and manic ranting about how this is total BS
4. work out like a champ and crash diet
5. 48 hours prior to P-Day I’ll stop working out and go back to normal food consumption, as much as possible since I’m not all that hungry without herb anyway
6. I’m going to try to get this test for as late in the afternoon as possible.
7. Day of – follow the directions on the bottle

What concerns me is that a lot of what I read that I should do is in conflict with the instructions on the bottle. For example, it says to stop drinking water two hours before drinking this stuff. I figure that is to prevent a dilution issue. I was going to take aspirin, but it says not to take any unnecessary medications.

So what is the ruling? Should I pack up my desk or leave the pictures on the wall?

 

melanotaenia

Wow. This is an amazing story, because I, myself, am going through a similar situation. I work for a company now and am a part time employee; they just offered me a full time salary position, but I don't know the details. After browsing around I found a site testclear.com. They claim to have a definitive list of companies that test; and coincedentally, I had my company on the list. I was not tested when I was first hired as a hourly employee, but I fear that I am going to be tested for the promotion; up until now, I have not heard anything about a test, but who knows, they can spring it on you at any time. I have a couple of those drinks, the Ready Clean version and the Clear Choice version, both sitting at my home in case I need them. While I am not confident in these drinks, I do not know what else to do at this point. I have about two weeks under my belt of abstaining, but again, I was a chronic smoker, so two weeks is not enough time, and I know that; I am going to need at least four weeks to clear. But then again, the tests say 48 hours is all you need to abstain, so I question their validity. With that said, I am having the same stressed out anxiety that you are having; luckily, I have not been told for sure yet about any tests so I am keeping my fingers crossed that they don't test. On their policy website they even state that drugs are not tolerated at the workplace, but there is no mention of a drug test, but who knows if they are going to give me one or not.

It is such a difficult thing to go through because none of us want to lose a job because of a drug test. IMO I would use the drink, abstain, stop exercising the day before the test, take the drink, keep yourself hydrated, and hope for the best. I would like to hear of your results; if you pass, maybe I will go out and get that product.

By the way, what drink did you buy; i.e. what brand name and such? I know the drinks work on the principle of dilution, but at the same time I feel like there has to be something else in those magic potions that make them cost 30 dollars or more.

I would not pack up your bags just yet; you should weigh your options and decide your best plan of action. With me, I am in the same situation; if I test positive, what are they going to do, terminate me from my hourly position or just deny me the promotion? So many questions, and so little to know about the answers.

Good luck man, I know how you feel.

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tokinloki

The magic drink I have is by a company called Zydot. My husband has used it twice with success, but everyone's body chemistry is different so I really won't be able to relax until this is all over. Perhaps part of my anxiety is that when I bought it, they wouldn't answer a single question. I know that is for legal purposes because they get undercover cops in there all the time, but it was a rather odd exchange:

me: hi, i'm not sure what to call it, but you used to carry a detox product

guy: ah yes, it's behind the counter. The only thing I can tell you about it that it costs $29.99. Is the person under or over 250 pounds

me: under, it's for me (babbling nervously)

guy: here you go, the directions are on the bottle

me: (looking at bottle, noting with disappointment that it is wild cherry) does it work?

guy: no questions, it's 29.99

me: well have you had a lot of complaints about the product?

guy: no questions it's 29.99

me: (shrugs) ok I'll take it

not even a wink or a bit of reassurance
for all I know, it's cough syrup except that my husband swears by it and apparently so does Ricky Williams

thechronic

I would not risk my livelihood on the detox drinks personally, practice subbing and/or dilution. There are a ton of methods here on the site. That being said, best of luck on this whichever way it ends up. We'll be waiting to find out what happens.

Wizard1

Being from South Florida..... I don't think I;d take too much credence in anything Rikki Williams endourses. With that said.... Get a few home tests, and see what your results are. If you fail, you might want to experiment with the dilution method posted by N2 and S2. If that works, follow the same procedure come test time. Or..... substitute clean urine.

All the best to you.... Hope you get the results that you need.
Wizard

 

melanotaenia

the drinks work but they need a lead time of being clean to work properly i.e. you need about a week or so, more is better, to really benefit from the use of the detox drinks, which coincidentally, works on the principle of dilution, just like drinking lots of water and taking some vitamins.

rosebud23

The question here is a quandry. Since i am female, ( i took my test today), and you are obviously male, my information may be aligned slightly to fit your circumstance. In my case i went to a medical supply store and made a purchase of 1 medium rubber sheath that fits, at the narrow end to a catheter tube, while the wider end fits onto the gentlemens.....I then selected a bashful male friend who is far to chaste in his life as my pristine donor. I then used a narrow funnel to pour the contents into the sheath i purchased ( of course tie a small double knot at one end of sheath first).
You need have an available friend who you can tap on the day of your test.
Then once you have filled the sheath, find a small clip with teeth to grip, not tear the folded over end of the sheath. Once you have perfected all of this... then you have what i call options. How close and comfortable do you feel with you? I put mine in a logical place to keep it warm while i traveled to the test. You have another option, just as effective. should you make that decision. I certainly would. Life requires a bit of ingenuity and what difference does it really matter as long as you create success, It works very well as long as you are willing to be ruled by your creativity. Some of us do not like to change or lose.

blessings,

Adonijah

Well I recently (Saturday) drank one of those detox drinks (QCarbo) I drank it about 2 hours before the test only drank 16 oz of water after, then took a vitamin b pill roughly an hour or so before the test.

Worked like a Charm, I got the call this morning saying it was clean so blahblahblah..

It does say don't do anything 48 hours before hand, and I hadn't.. actually at the time I was about 2 weeks clean.. I hope this helps your confidence. I'd much rather go for substitution. But this worked in a pinch.

Also, I looked on the paper she sent with my urine and it said "Was sample between 90Degrees F - 100 Degrees F... So I guess anywhere in that range of temp is fine

GL!

melanotaenia

ahha! here is a perfect example of the misconception of the drinks. You were two weeks clean and passed, thanks to the dilution directions outlined on the detox bottle; you passed because you diluted your urine; the drink only added color to the urine to help keep the lab from being suspicious of a watery (diluted) sample. Sorry to say that the drink most likely did nothing more than help you to more easily dilute your urine sample through a combination of water consumption and vitamin ingestion. And though you only consumed 16oz of water, the drink actually works to dilute your urine as well, just like plain ol' water

tokinloki

I am obviously male? What gave you that impression, I’m not.

Had the test Wed, good times. It was a tough acting job since for some reason, the nurse thought that she and I were girlfriends. I acted concerned about the Adderall and asked when I would hear whether or not they needed me to supply some sort of note from my doctor. She said that if something shows up, they would probably look on the form to see what all I am taking, but that they would call me on Friday if they needed any more information.

Then she slipped up and mentioned that someone else from my company was in there the day before taking the test to go work there too.

I guess I’m in the clear because I didn’t hear anything Friday. If I don’t hear anything from the Headhunter, tomorrow I’m going to give him a call. I just want to hear the final word before I put in my written resignation. I think I’ll go ahead and sign the offer letter. They’ve been wanting me to mail that back and I figure by now it will cross in the mail if they find a problem. I put off my start date by a week claiming that there were a few big projects that I needed to finish before I left my current job. I also took the liberty of building in a couple of much needed days off between jobs so I can friggin RELAX for a few days after all of this.

I’m normally very Zenlike about the world, but this really threw me.