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Nibblesworth

I'm not a heavy smoker, but have been doing a fair amount of smoking in the past month. On wednesday, out of the blue, I was offered a very high level management position in the sales industry--a position that required a piss test.

I read this forum a LOT that night, trying to find out how I could pass the test and get the job. After lots of reading, I settled on the substitution method, and opted to use synthetic urine, as none of my friends would be able to give me a clean sample.

My local head shop sells "Number 1", a product that comes with an elastic/velco belt that you wrap around your waist. The fake piss is passed through a rubber hose that you spool through your zipper. They also sell "Quick Fix", but did not currently have it in stock. So I buy the "Number 1", take it home, and fiddle with it to figure out how to make it work.

Problem is, I'm a big guy. I'm 6'1, 260, and the belt did not fit around my waist without serious stretching. However, the velco seemed to hold well, so I kept it there. The plan was this: One final interview at 2:00pm, then head to the drug testing center. I wanted the right temp, so I kept the belt on and kept the heating pad attached so that it would be nice and hot when I took the test.

IT was very uncomfortable, but seemed to be holding, so I ran with it. However, during the DAMN INTERVIEW the velcro RIPS APART AND THE ENTIRE DAMNED BELT SNAPS AROUND INSIDE ME FORKING SHIRT!!!!!!!!!!

SOmehow I played it off by talking ab out different things, but the guy interviewing me obviously could tell something had just happened. I made it through the interview, ran to the bathroom, took the stupid thing off, and dumped it into my car before the second interview. It was nerve wracking as hell. Additionally, I now had no idea where I was going to put the thing, because it didn't work around me waist, and I had to go to the drug testing center directly afterwards. I was also totally paranoid that the guy interviewing me now figured out I was going to fake the piss test (pure paranoia), and that got me all sweaty and worried.

To make a long story short, I managed to get it done, and the temp was OK, and I filled up the cup. I should get the job, but a word of advise: WEAR THE BELT FOR A WHILE IF YOU ARE A FAT FORK LIKE ME BECAUSE THE THING CAN AND WILL COME UNDONE AT THE WRONG TIME.

Sorry for the long post. I'm still shaking - it was HAIRY.

 

Hawg

Sounds like you will be ok but if you can get some Quick Fix incase yo have to do it again all you have to worry about is a 2 oz bottle stuffed in your shorts sounds like you have the temp thing down

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Here is a good place to see who test's and how.
http://www.testclear.com/dtcompanies/searchcompany2.cfm



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