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mason_rigby

I have quit smokin since tha 5th thats 8days.After i quit for 2days i took CLEAN SLATE(7-day detox)I took a home drug test 2day after finishing clean slate.I FAILED THE FUCK OUT THA TEST.I HAVE A DRUG TEST MONDAY.BY tha way i paid $99.99 for that shity cleaning stuff.I did it correct to.I followed tha strict diet prob more than i was suppose 2.Drank twice tha water i was suppose 2 and still fialed.PLEASE GODD SOMEONE HELP ME.I am 6,1 160-170 . Before i quit i smoke everyday for 2 and haf years. PLEASE HELP!!!!

 

piff

what strict diet?

Ineed2Pass2

Can you Sub?

mason_rigby

tha detox said stay clear or fat foods tea caffiene.I did it.

SFM

Hey, read the stickies. I'm not SEC3 by any means, but I know now that THC is stored in Fat Cells and any cleaning or diluting you do will only be temporary until your body gets rid of it all naturally. This forum is a wealth of information so spend some time reading.

You still have time to Substitute, so read up on that ... I'm in the same boat as you and will be tested next week (I've stalled to get more time, luckily). I bought a Urinator to sub with and will be using N2's Dilution suggestions as backup should the sub run into trouble.

SFM

 

mason_rigby

I cant do that they watch.WHAT DO YALL KNOW ABOUT CANNED GELITAN???a.k.a suri gel.IT is a perservative used in caned foods.They say it will
keep tha THC in u.Does it work????

Elixircell

When I was in med school, I whipped up a nice little 'cleanser' and always beat every single UA (urinanalysis) piss test, failing dreadfully only when I tried using those allegedly called 'Detox drinks'. The only 'Detox drink' I found that EVER worked for me and my classmates was Vale's Original Formula, hard to find, but you can Google it and order it, I'm sure. Oh, cardinal rule here, if you do decide to go with a 'Detox' drink, follow the exact instructions. Their instructions are one of the few pamphlets you ever really need to read in your life... lol You'll find out why as I explain how these things work to defeat a UA.

After examining literally every 'Detox drink' ingredients you will notice that Dextrose is the main ingredient, usually accompanied by a little pack of vitamins (more info on those vitamins in a bit). Knowing, from my knowledge in chemistry, that dextrose causes a temporary diversion of the chemicals in your piss to your colon & into your shit for several hours, and not wishing to shell out $50+ for the drink, I came up with this recipe, and it's never failed me, and I smoke medicinally MJ pretty much 24/7. Okay, so I don't smoke it while I'm sleeping, but I did consider developing a BedBong (nice ring to that... lol) that blows a gentle breeze of herbal essence smoke in my face all night... Kidding...! lol ... Kinda, anyways... heh heh Man, talk about me being a smoker, a joker and a midnight toker...


The Infamous Dr. Elixircell Recipe

1. Pick up 2 of the large powdered Apple (or Fruit) Pectin mixes from your favorite grocery store. That's where we're going to get our magical dextrose from.

2. Two days before the test, drink eight 8 oz. glasses of water on both those days (NO other liquids) and do NOT drink more and/or less water than that or you'll f*ck things up. The reason that it will f*ck things is Do not eat any high fat or fried foods on these days as the cannabis loves to live in your body's lipids (fatty cellulite) for up to thirty days or more, depending on such factors as your weight, percentage of body fat, your body's metabolism speed and even sex (typically, girls retain it in their system longer than guys). Plus, they're not actually testing your piss at all for THC, which is the active ingredients of our favorite herb. What they are looking for is the 'alkaloid' that remains while the human body breaks down the THC in your body fat. That's also why when you cook stuff with pot, you typically mix it first in butter, butter being extremely high in fat content since THC is not water-soluble (it doesn't break down in water). During these two days the water you are drinking will detoxify (wash out of your body) and remove as much as possible, traces of the marijuana alkaloid/cannabinoids from your system. Drinking too much water actually sabotages your urinalysis because the labs test for what they call 'dilute' samples, or samples that contain a higher than normal percentage of mainly just water. Plus, we're using the dextrose to divert as much cannabis traces into our sh*t for a few hours, too much water and your body will HAVE to start putting the dreaded alkaloid into your piss as, well, it has no other place to go. It's far better to drink a -little- less water than -way- more. It's got to be balanced for the dextrose to temporarily move most of the weed's trace alkaloids from liquid to solid (a.k.a. sh*t) and into our colons stool, to be emptied later at your convenience. Better yet, crap into a gasoline soaked paper bag with a big happy smiley face scrawled on it, then lit & toss flaming, into the facilities parking lot as you leave. By, the way, don't do that. I think it's still illegal to show your true feelings here in the States and if it's not then just give it time, at the rate that our country is plummeting.

3. On the third day, three hours before the scheduled piss test, eat any small breakfast meal that's high in carbs, like crackers (unsalted, avoid salt the whole three days as salt is a 'diuretic' (makes you pee a lot) bread. etc.). Drink ONE eight ounce glass of water with the meal. You only want to pee the way this recipe will make you pee. No more food until after the test is over, your body is balanced now and ready for the dextrose reaction to take place.

4. Now, since you've been chugging eight glasses of eight ounces of water for two days you'll notice that your piss is almost clear now, way less yellow than regular. Hm... that's looking a little suspicious. We take care of this clear 'diluted' urine problem by taking a Vitamin B complex and HALF of any adult vitamin two hours before your test. Mix TWO GLASSES of water mixed with the two packets of Apple or Fruit Pectin (dextrose). You'll want to use hot water while stirring in the apple pectin dextrose so it can mix evenly as possible. Stir it a few minutes and then drink. Drink these two dextrose packets dissolved in the now-lukewarm water, as quickly as you can without getting sick from doing it too fast. It doesn't taste bad, although it's probably not a delicacy you'd order during your next dining experience. The dextrose then absorbs nearly all your toxins, becomes more solid than liquid, and is deposited in your sh*it for safekeeping. At this point, you can consider your a$$hole sphincters to be like your body's firewall... no, screw that freakin' idea, that just sounds wrong altogether... lol

5. Pee all you need to until ONE hour before the test. Don't pee again until it's in their specimen cup. Don't just pee into the cup for them, you only want them to have the middle of your piss. In other words, start peeing into the toilet for a second or two, then stop, now start peeing into the cup, don't fill the son-of-a-bitch to the rim either, just give them the smallest sample that they require, piss the rest into the toilet, flushing it only after they tell you to.

Conversely, you could take the easiest way, if you don't mind dishing out around $100. It's a prosthetic real-looking penis that fits in your underwear and is connected to a bag of synthetic (manmade in a lab) urine which is a guaranteed perfect specimen of urine, containing all the naturally-occuring stuff found in real piss. The discreet bag on your leg is in a 9 volt battery powered heat-wrapping that keeps it at the precise body temperature as if it had just come from a human body and yes, they always look at the temperature to avoid fraud. You simply open your fly, & whip out your fake d!ck. To avoid additional unpleasantries, try not to let your real one-eyed purple-headed monster sneak out at the same time or you're looking at a major clusterf#ck, and a situation which will determine where you are going to be spending the next 8 to 10 years of your life. Drain your main vein (or what -appears- to be your main vein... lol) into their specimen cup, smiling with the full knowledge that it's all good because you already know what your test results wil be, unless the person watching you takes a freaky liking to you and tries to cop a feel. Talk about a double-header...blech... At that point, you're most likely looking at some additional paperwork being involved as well.

I believe the device is called 'The Whizzinator' or something similar, Google it for more info, I also saw it in a recent High Times. I do know it's designed to be used over & over, which is cool, you just buy a couple of extra synthetic piss packs and have them ready to go. Until corporate America's detested lab technicians start sucking peoples c*cks themselves to obtain our coveted piss, we should be okay. Don't buy`so called 'additives` to put in your piss test, most drug-screening labs look for them now. The again, stranger things have happened under the Dubya Administration.

Good luck to you, you dangerous criminal element who threatens the very core of our societies structure by living a harmless, quiet life. Holy Crap, those freakin' anti-drug commercials are starting to work on me, dammit! Quick, Robin! To the BongMoBile...

~Elixircell richhollister yahoo! com

'How, hi are ya...?'

FakeBoobsRule

Welcome to the site Elixir. Interesting read Elixir, but I'm not sold. You have some statements that left me a little troubled to believe this. First and foremost is this.

The assay portion of drug testing looks for 31 different metabolites. GC/MS looks for 1 metabolite, 11-nor-D-9-tetrahyrocanibinolic acid (9-carboxy THC), obviously an acid and not basic or alkaloid. I'm not sure what those other 30 metabolites are but one of them I think is 11-hydroxy-THC and this is eliminated quickly from the body. Like I said 9-carboxy THC is the one to worry about and that is an acid. Coincidently, this is what they look for in hair tests too, 9-carboxy THC. So I have to question this as you are talking about binding alkaloids when the number one "suspect" is an acid.

Next, you said this.
How does drinking water wash out THC? THC is fat soluble and drinking water will not increase your GFR unless you are dehydrated. Look at my signature.


You also said this:
Salt is a diuretic? Were you sleeping through med school? Salt causes water retention and edema, not an increase in urine.

Then there was this curious explanation:
.

Damn it I have to run but I will address this one and some of the other info in this later on, mainly the roles of dextrose and pectin and the vitamins. I'm glad these drinks worked for you and I wish it was this simple. Maybe it is but some things in your post just don't click.

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g13Laze

dude, chill out... first

I been in your situation. You still have options. You can either try to substitute your piss with a friend's clean piss ( if u have...) put the substitute piss in a GOOD zip-loc bag and duct tape it right above your d*ck with one of the edges of bag facing down. then when time comes to piss, u have to poke a hole in edge facing down and pour into cup. it'll look like you're looking down pissing if you're watched from rear, and if you practice you can make it look like it from the side. i did it twice for probation with officer behind me and it works. keeps piss warm and its real clean piss so you dont worry.

or you can use those detox drinks 4 hrs before the test. worked for me the only time i used it. makes your piss look bright yellow though lol

plenty of ways to dupe it bro, just figure which way best for you. fast